In Laws

So I am White and my FI is Indian (like Ghandi not Native American) well his family is used to having big wedding receptions and we both have big families. His parents want to invite all these people that neither FI or I know. Oh yeah and I have not been allowed to attend family functions until we got engaged (we dated for 6 years before getting engaged). So we have been trying to find a reasonable place that will either serve Indian food since FI wants some served or allow us to bring outside catering (who knew that would be so hard). So we find a place and FI cuts people from the guest list that he doesn't know or like I mean the list had so and so's sister as part of the guest list. Sorry but if you don't know this person's first name let alone last name they can't be that important. My parents are able to afford a huge wedding so they aren't adding to my list of family and my friends. So long story short his parents are pissed that he has cut from the list and that the site we found is to expensive (the expense comes from having a premium open bar and having overtime because they want it to go until midnight). Does anyone have any advise they have said I am making FI do all these changes and that I am brain washing him (who talks like that to their son about their FDIL). I need help they make me want to scream and just say F it all.

Posted on July 29, 2008 at 9:57 am


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Ah yes, the clashing, uh... joining of two different cultures and all of the the wedding traditions that come with them. ;-) From what I've seen/read, Indian weddings are very different from Western weddings. I think at this stage your best defense is your FI. He knows his family best and he needs to make it known that you're not brainwashing him. If it was his decision to cut these people from the list, then he needs to tell his parents the reasons for his decisions... and he needs to have your back too. And when they talk crap about you, your FI needs to put his foot down and defend you. WTF?!?

You are going to have to definately pick your battles here. Your parents paying for the wedding will probably be helpful, but try your best to compromise on a couple of small things.  Your future in-laws will also have to compromise and accept that you and your FI want to have a mixed wedding, not a full-fledged Indian wedding.

I had to have a sit-down with DH and his mom about this early in the planning stages. Thankfully she's one of the least stereotypical Chinese moms I've ever met and she was very understanding. We definately mixed our two heritiages and made it our own. She had at least 30 more people she would have liked to invite to the wedding... and I know it was tough for her to cut the list down. But she did it without complaint. I was very grateful for her being so understanding.

You might want to talk to your FI about having a sit-down with the parents. Do it before things get too stressful and too many feelings are hurt. Explain the vision you and your FI have and lay down some ground rules. It's much easier said than done, but I think if you can keep an open communication, it'll make everything easier.... hopefully.

Good luck!

Posted on July 29, 2008 at 10:11 am

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