Is anyone a step mom besides me?

I need some encouragement and a listening ear. Being a stepmother is proving to be very hard and emotionally draining especially since I can't have children on my own.


DH's daughter's mother is perhaps the most wretched, evil, conniving, lying human being I have ever met! I have always wanted a little girl, which is why I crochet baby items, but that is not in the cards for me. DH and I had this lovely notion that I could be a second mother to his beautiful daughter, but that is all it is, a lovely notion. I know it is not the daughter's fault, she is being poisoned by her mother, but Lord help me sometimes I want to shake her! DH and the mother are not on speaking terms at this point in time for the hundredth time. She is ignorant and wants to be with him simply because she gave birth to his one and only daughter. I could regal you with our history, but I will discuss the latest issue. She got a job in the evening from 3-11 and was going to pull their daughter out of the school program that is by our home. I did not want her to be pulled out, sitting with whomever learning nothing, so I told DH to pick her up. We keep her two days out of the week until the mother gets off work and the other three days he takes her home to be with her older brothers. Yesterday his daughter jumps off the ottoman and lands really hard into DH's chest and stomach hurting him. His daughter's reply was my mother hates you and I don't like you either! She told me to hit you! I was appalled. About an hour later, she hugs her dad and says she loves him and she didn't mean it, but then they start playing again, she squeezes his nose so hard with her nails that she makes his face bleed. She followed me around the house telling me that I smell and I don't bathe because her mother said so. I told DH I know that are not speaking right now, but his daughter is not going to be coming to our house disrespecting us or hitting us. He said she is hearing that from her mother and I said you need to put a stop to it now! 


This is all very frustrating and I have never experienced anything like this before. Anyone else have stepmother blues?

Posted on January 30, 2013 at 7:55 am
MrsCaleYoung
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06/30/2012
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(11) Comments

Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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Tressy, I am so sorry! Why do bad things like this have to happen to good people???


:( It's hard that DH and her mother aren't speaking, but it definitely needs to end!! The daughter needs to be taught RESPECT! Sending you big {{{{{hugs}}}}} that this issue will be resolved at least a little. Good luck.

Posted on January 30, 2013 at 9:36 am
shneffer
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07/29/2011
shneffer

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shneffer

Oh Tressy, I'm sorry! It has to be so hard to parent a child who is being told such awful things about her own family :( Not to justify her behaviour at all, but it has to be difficult on his daughter -to be fed horrible things by her mother then be at your house. She must feel torn and confused. It is absolutely unacceptable for her mother to be talking this way about you and your DH. He is her father and you are her stepmother -parents are supposed to be a team, not be pitted against each other. It sounds like her mother is just jealous that your DH has found you, and is using his daughter as a means to unleash that jealousy which is so so wrong. I hope things get better and until it does, we're all here for you. BIG HUGS!

Posted on January 31, 2013 at 1:45 am
MrsCaleYoung
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MrsCaleYoung

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Thanks Elise! Just thanks for listening! I am on an emotional roller coaster right now! I got some paperwork faxed to me from my ob/gyn so I can give to my Navy Reserve Unit because I am on medical hold. I had no idea I had two tumors as well as my uterus and cervix being totally prolapsed. Then since I changed insurance to my husband's I may have to start all over with a new ob/gyn because they are not in the network. I am so frustrated right now and it is hard staying positive with this situation.


@Steph - Thanks so much for taking the time to listen! Yes her mother is horribly jealous. Yesterday when I came home, his daughter was there and he was cooking her dinner. I told her that her dress was pretty and she told me don't come near her or touch her. She said her mother doesn't want me to touch her. My husband saw my face and text her mother and said if you don't want my wife near your daughter, then find someone else to do her hair. She doesn't know how to do hair and I french braid it with beads. She text back I didn't tell her to say that and I want Tressy to do her hair. All she is worried about is her hair getting done. Lol. Yes we are supposed to be a team and unfortunately we are not. Thanks for the hugs! 

Posted on January 31, 2013 at 4:11 am
mrsharris2012
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mrsharris2012

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TRessy darlin im there with ya! Baby mama drama...I thought it only lived at my house! I am a step mom too! And baby it is hard! One of his daughters is so disrespectful to me that I kicked her out of our house last year and when she left she told me that she did it all on purpose to get rid of me! SAy what?


I want you to just know that I get the stress and it is a stress! But honey you will get thru this and definitely relay your feelings to Cale! I made the mistake of not relaying alot of my feelings to my hubby and first and I was just ready to pop with anger when it all blew up! Dont let that happen! And also hey you are the adult, when little mama is in your house baby she goes by your rules and if she talks crazy discipline her! Its a must! If she wont behave and treat you with respect then she cant be over there! That simple!

Posted on February 1, 2013 at 7:15 am
MrsCaleYoung
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06/30/2012
MrsCaleYoung

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Thanks Ronda! I don't feel comfortable disciplining her. Her mother called child protective services on us in August with false allegations that we were hitting her and brain washed her into saying it as well. I let Cale discipline her and I talked to him about my feelings. 

Posted on February 5, 2013 at 5:32 am
nenyibabs
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04/20/2013
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WOW!! Like really? I didnt know things can be this rough. But, if she's giving you this much trouble, maybe you dont need her in your home. he can be the supportive father, see his kids when he is supposed to and do right by them, but you cant be 'mothering' a child who obviously doesnt want to be around you. let her mother keep her, I wonder how the little girl will turn out with all this hate being fed into her at this age. Im so sorry you are being tormented like this..


But how does hubby feel about the whole thing?

Posted on June 7, 2013 at 7:53 am
MrsCaleYoung
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Things have gotten better with the daughter and we have a very good relationship. Her mother is still a piece of work, but I just keep being me and mothering Caleea. It is not her fault. She didn't ask to be here and I want to surround her with all the love and nurturing I have in my heart. Hubby and I have talked about this and it was very hard at first, but we are a united front now! 

Posted on June 11, 2013 at 6:28 am
GerriStephen
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07/21/2012
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Sorry to hear about your troubles. I am not a step parent but my husband is now a step father to a 19 year old turning 20 so it is a little different since my daughter is much older. But my daughter has a step mom with her dad's wife and I teach her to respect her.


 


I think your husband needs to have a talk with his daughter's mother and he needs to have a talk with his daughter. If not, this is going to be a problem and the last thing you really want is to not have a growing and developing relationship with this young lady as her step mother and for him as her father. She is going to need her dad in her life, especially with the type of mother that is trying to turn her against her father and you. What they had is in the past, she needs to let her daughter concentrate on her future.

Posted on June 12, 2013 at 9:25 am
nenyibabs
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@MrsCaleYoung: so happy to hear that things have eased up now. You sound like a very loving person with a big heart, and I dont think its right for you to go through all this unnessesary stress. Im serious.

Posted on June 13, 2013 at 3:07 am
MrsCaleYoung
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Thanks IJ for the encouraging words! 

Posted on July 24, 2013 at 7:47 am
jmbuss9
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07/22/2012
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I hope things are better Tressy.  Unnessesary stress definitely sucks! We ALL don't need it yet some of us still let it take over (I do anyways) :\

Posted on July 25, 2013 at 2:51 am

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