It's SO complicated!
This is a VERY long story but I'd REALLY like to hear your input so bear with me!
First off, my fiancé and I have been together for over 4 years, engaged for over 3 years. Originally, we wanted to get married right away. We decided to wait and save up more money for the wedding. Then, we put it off so that I could finish school & also for cultural reasons (complicated). We were planning to have two wedding ceremonies to honor both of our traditions. Before I fast-forward, I should give you some cultural context.
Basically in my culture, there is a lot of importance surrounding the purity of a woman. It is believed that women should not engage in premarital sex, spend the night with a man even if nothing sexual happens, live with a man before marriage or anything of that sort. In strict families, if a girl were to do any of the above things, she is considered to be automatically married to the guy & her family's "reputation" would be tarnished in the community. I should also randomly mention that weddings in my culture last an entire weekend, so they are therefore usually very costly & this big ol' ordeal.
Not really giving a damn about "reputation," I decided to live with my fiancé and all that good stuff. I've been living with him for a while now and & my family has been very supportive of our relationship because they recognize that he's a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. Okay, ready for the mess? *fast-forward*
I lost my dad to cancer January 2013. We were very close, like two peas in a pod. It was very devastating to our entire family and I had a very tough time sorting out my feelings the first few months of this year. Because of our loss, we wanted to wait until summer of 2014 to get married so that it would be a new year, a fresh start apart from all the sadness. At the same time, I didn't want to lose any more people close to us before we get married & I didn't want our future kids to miss out on knowing their remaining grandparents because time doesn't stand still & nobody is getting any younger.
In April, I found out about my pregnancy. Although it wasn't planned, this pregnancy is very much wanted and welcomed. I love being pregnant & I'm SO excited about this new chapter in our lives but this pregnancy changes everything.
I want to have a small, simple ceremony that somehow ties both of our customs together after the baby is born. People in my community/culture no longer see the sense in having a wedding ceremony since I'm pregnant. My fiancé thinks we should just disregard and not invite people who would be there to judge us and not to share our joy. I'm just confused about what to do altogether. I guess I just need a little support for going through with a ceremony because I'm not that confident in the decision. Do you think a wedding after baby is tacky?