Jealously issues

So I just finished saying goodbye to one of my best friends "S" after drinks and dinner last night. S was engaged before and her guy called it off a month before the wedding (4 1/2 yrs ago)

Needless to say I have tried very hard to be sensitive to her feelings. Lately though I get the sense that she is feeling really jealous of the fact that I am getting married, and starting my little nest and eventually having kids. She is a few yrs older than me and has been dating different people the last few yrs, always sure "they are the one" then it fades away..

Normally this wouldn't bother me too much but lately she's been getting kind of bitching about stuff. Like when she was planning her wedding it was going to be a big dinner and dance affair. I am having an afternoon garden wedding that is much more simple. I keep getting these catty comments from her about the choice to have a small simple wedding.

I know she is just feeling jealous and disapointed that she doesn't have the same thing but honestly I am getting sick of all her negativity! Ideas?
Posted on May 30, 2008 at 7:54 am
JuneBride2008
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06/29/2008
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d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

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this may be my bitchy pms talkin - but i'd call her out on it!

life is too short to tiptoe over her feelings - so what if youre having a garden wedding?? it's your wedding - you can have twinkies and dingdongs if you want...and she doesnt have to attend...

sorry - this just remidns me of my former moh and cousin - everyhing was bitchy and catty - so i told her basically to fck off..

yes she's your friend, but there is no excuse for her taking out her insecurities and feelings of inadequacy out on you - what the hell did you do to her??

i'd also advise her that this is not a competition... life is what you make of it.
Posted on May 30, 2008 at 7:55 am
SandP09
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03/14/2009
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Yikes, thats a sticky situation to be in. You are probably right in assuming that her catty comments stem from the fact that she is jealous that you are happy and getting married and she has not yet. If her comments really bother you that much, then I would say something to her. The worst thing you can do is let it go because one day she's gonna say something that is going to set you off and you're going to explode. Sit her down and as nicely as possible tell her that you have noticed how catty and negative she has been and you want to understand why.

Good luck! I hope you're able to sort things out with her!
Posted on May 30, 2008 at 7:59 am
kellyn79
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04/05/2008
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I've been there too. It was one of my bridesmaids and I let her go. It was not easy but now I'm very happy that she's not in my life anymore. It really hurts but life's just way too short to deal with negative people like that.

Here's what she's told me about our wedding:

? The first thing she told me when I told her we got engaged was "What carat is your ring?" (I've never heard anyone who says such things.)
? "Who the hell picks brown?" (Our colors green and brown. Both of our favorite colors.)
? "I don't want to wear a brown dress, so can I wear a green one?" "I'll look better in green." (Isn't it MY wedding?)
? "You know you have to pay for my make-up and hair, right?" (I actually was planning on paying for all that as a gift.)
? "I'm not gonna be able to help you on this, this, this, and this."
? And this is the best part. "You really need to stop getting tanned because YOU WON'T LOOK GOOD IN A WHITE DRESS." (She told me that right in my face when I was trying on a wedding dress for the first time in my life. My skin is naturally olive skin, which she'd been picking on for a while. It started as a joke and after a while, I was sick of it. And she knows that I never try to get tanned because I get burned and tanned really easy anyway.)

When I told her how I felt in a very very nice way over the phone (we lived far away at the time), she started YELLING at me. I've seen her fighting with someone over the phone before. Another friend and I were there when she picked up the phone and started yelling at her friend. It was so awkward and scary. She calls her a best-friend and I really don't understand how you can have a friendship with someone and fight like that. She did the same thing to me. That totally made my decision even easier to let her go.

No one deserves a friend like that, especially for the happiest day of your life. Thanks for letting me vent. ^^
Posted on June 1, 2008 at 2:45 am
mt51
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It's funny how we learn more about our girlfriends once we become engaged and begin the process of wedding planning. If this is bringing you down and you are set on getting rid of her negativity, I suggest that you slowly phase her out. Who needs that kind of negativity? Besides, you don't deserve people who belittle you everytime you share your good news with them. Like what dirty said, what did you do to her to make her act that way? If there is no answer to that question then I assume that it is related to insecurity. Unfortunately, some of us women have insecurities but some choose to deal with it differently.

I've had to phase a friend out simply because she was incredibly jealous and would purposely compare us to bring me down. She also did some horrible things in the past, but I won't get to that. I read an article from The Nest on how to phase out a toxic friend. It may sound harsh but it works! Let me know if you want to see it and I'll PM it to you.
Posted on June 1, 2008 at 3:00 am
d1rtymart1n1
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june----> if it makes you feel "better" about bm issues, i'd venture to guess that 7 out of 10 brides have an issue at one time or another...

i had to kick my cousin out of my wedding b/c she was too much.. her attitude sux to begin with, then add a pinch of a history of her always competing with me, a dash of insecurity, and a cup full of just plain jealousy since we were kids - and it was the perfect recipe for her to just shred all my plans with negative comments...

not to mention her questioning if this was right for me - hello?? atn least i'm marrying for love, not status, money or a green card... dont get me started on her please! (what's the face for "grrrrr"?)

so hang in there and just keep planning your day!!
Posted on June 1, 2008 at 6:05 am
KK6
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Bummer that "S" has to be so negative all the time, I can see why she may be a bit jealous. Is she one of your bridesmaid?

Hmmm... suggestions, I would try avoid talking about weddings around her a lot because it seems like that encourages her to rain on your parade. But then weddings are sooo fun to talk about so that might be a little difficult.

You also might want to talk to her about how she makes you feel, because she will continue to do that. Seems like she is telling you what to do so she can "someday" have a wedding and hope to top yours or something.
Posted on June 1, 2008 at 9:49 am
moemarsita
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For me, the easiest part of dealing with it is practicing not to let it bother me. I know I can change me and not others. It may just take her to experience your wedding to get over it. And then you may still have a friend in the end.
Posted on June 1, 2008 at 9:54 am
JustAnothrBridezilla
4
09/13/2008

JustAnothrBridezilla

I'm in the same situation with a bridesmaid. She has been with a loser dude for 5 years and he is a total loser. Teh only time he brought up marriage was when she inherited 100K but now that money is gone (she spent it in less then a year and took him to Europe fr 2 months, supported him, and he "borrowed" money) now its all gone and he hasn't brought up marriage since. I think she is a little jealous too. But I just ignore it. They will just deny deny deny! And then it can cause problems. Just don't let it get to you and change the subject if you see its going in that direction. Or just try avoiding talking to her about the wedding all together you don't want her bad mojo to deal with.

Dina :)
Posted on June 5, 2008 at 9:21 pm
champagnecholly
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09/19/2008
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Kellyn! WOW what a big B!
I can't believe these stories everyone has! The only trouble I've had is a BM that called off her engagement, we just don't talk about weddings things but she'll be there day-of. I guess I need to count my lucky stars!!
Posted on June 6, 2008 at 12:48 am
d1rtymart1n1
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dina!!! omg!!! how does anyone spend $100K in one year on a boyfriend??

sounds like most of us have had a run-in with someone being "wierd" now that we're engaged huh??
Posted on June 6, 2008 at 3:38 am
marissaco
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05/25/2008
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wow! its always a tough call on what to do in these kinds of situations. it also depends on how much you want "that" person to be a part of your life.
its sad really you kinda begin to feel sorry for "that" kind of friend as much as you want them to get the good things in life they are the ones that have created all the drama. they love to self-sabotage.

i hope you find the solution that is right for you. i am sorry you have to go thru this at such and exciting time in your life.
Posted on June 6, 2008 at 4:06 am
HeLovesMe
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June, sorry your going through this. I agree with the girls, you need to hit her up about it & find out what her problem is. If she's yelling at you then you need to put her in her place. No one should get like that if she's your friend. Jealously is a hard thing to deal with. I think we all have someone in our lives we have to deal with like that. I wish you all the best.

I honestly hope I dont have to go through this, but I have a feeling that once all the Big planning starts to happen some Shit is gunna come out. Oh & my MOH is getting married 2 months after me, so we'll see how this all works out.
Posted on June 6, 2008 at 4:14 am

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