Letting Things GO!

One thing that used to make me NUTS as a kid was having to worry about little things.  My mom (God love her) would flip over the smallest thing. . .I mean, it's not like we lived in a well-kept home (oh believe me!  My parents house is a MESS). . .but gosh if one little thing was lost, forgotten, or broken she would be on edge about it.  


That said, how many times do we have to stop OURSELVES from making something bigger than it is?  How often do we take something out on our SO's when really, it would be a lot less stress to let it be?  


A lot of times, it's SO MUCH EASIER to let something go than to spend time being annoyed or picking a fight about it.  


Examples:


1) Let's say your DH doesn't hang his towels up.  ANNOYING right?  Sure, but, what's a better solution: nagging (AGAIN), picking a fight, fuming about it, and being annoyed. . .OR, accepting that it's a habit he has, realizing it may not change, and picking the darn thing up and hanging it yourself?


2) Or, let's say you ask your DH to take out the trash.  He's annoyed having to do it (did you interrupt his football game or something?  LOL!) and the bag drips smelly trash juice on the floor.  He doesn't notice.  How do you handle that?  


Is it worth going after him and calling him a nitwit for making a mess (when he did what you asked), or, should you go give him a teasing punch, jokingly tell him he's a trash juice spreader, and grab a paper towel yourself?


My *guess* here is that if you are sweet, tease him about it. . .he'll give you a big smile and clean up the trash juice himself.  If you respond by getting annoyed with his 'incompetence' you have not only created tension but he's going to begrudgingly go clean it up. . .and next time you want him to take out the trash well, have fun with that. . . .


A LOT of making a relationship work is about how you approach situations like this.  


What is a time where you could, or should, have handled something better?


Thinking about this, what are some things that you realize you do that may be creating unnecessary tension (come on gals, be honest. . .we're all guilty of this at some point), and how could you resolve the issue with a different approach?


 


 

Posted on December 19, 2009 at 1:33 am
MountainBride
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(17) Comments

lvnlrn
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wow, i read this when i was seriously annoyed with fi. still am...lol

Posted on December 20, 2009 at 5:22 am
Niecy
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I am a "flipper" .....   but I know what my issue is ...I just don't always get hold of it in time ...


My problem is I try not to let things stress me .... but they are always in the back of my mind  ....all it takes is one big thing to set me off and then I go from that to every little thing that has bothered me in the last 2 months :/ 


DH has figured me out by now .... I flip ... go off on a tangent for a while ... then I stop ..then I reflect on it .... then I apologise :/


Now when I get done with my tangent DH will say "You good now?"   :)

Posted on December 21, 2009 at 3:39 am
lvnlrn
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Oh Niecy, I am guilty of that too.

Posted on December 21, 2009 at 4:52 am
tktoups10
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I flip out. Bad. FI just sits there pretending to listen to me when he's really listening to the tv or something. Or off in his own world. He's good at that.

Posted on December 21, 2009 at 9:35 am
meanyprice
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I pretty much let things go.  But if I ask DH to do something, I want him to do it within a reasonable amount of time (DAYS is usually not reasonable lol).  So I only flip when he doesn't do something I ask (and I really don't ask a lot), then I ask like 57 times, and on the 57th time, I flip my lid.  For example, we keep and then sell cans in our house.  He wants them to be crushed before they go in the can bin to save space.  So I expect him to crush them.  When a couple of days have built up, I ask him to crush them...because he apparently can't see them on the counter.  Usually I give up and crush them myself because he forgets to do it while he has shoes on.  But occasionally, I save them up for a week or two and ask him everyday to do it.  After about another week of asking him to do it everyday, I flip.  By this time, I feel like he deserves a good round of my flipping out on him for being a lazy bum!


He, however, asks me to do stuff 24/7, and flips if I don't do it immediately.  I tell him he's lost his damn mind!  Not the maid.

Posted on December 22, 2009 at 1:37 am
MountainBride
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So I only flip when he doesn't do something I ask (and I really don't ask a lot), then I ask like 57 times, and on the 57th time, I flip my lid.


HAHAHAA!  I'd flip too :)

Posted on December 22, 2009 at 2:05 am
miss*bling
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flipper here too! I need to be better about being so anal!

Posted on April 27, 2011 at 4:10 am
pinksanity
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LOL... "letting things go" sounds so easy right! smh. My hubby drives me up a freaking wall... I too have the problem of NEVER asking for something to be done, but when I do he takes his dear old sweet freakin time. UGH! I truly think they do these sort of things on purpose.

Posted on April 27, 2011 at 7:35 am
2nd_tymebride
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I'm a flipper too!  I can't help it and I did not used to be like this.  The littlest things make me nuts.  My fuse is this (snapping my fingers) short!. I know I have annoying habits too and my FI accepts them without saying much, but I can't hold my tongue or keep myself from exhibiting behavior that tells him that I am pissed most of the time.


And when it seems I am okay...something else happens to make me flip again.  It is a terrible cycle and one that I am desperately trying to change because it affects everyone in my household...they've told me so.   


 


 

Posted on May 4, 2011 at 10:44 am
prbetsi75
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I'm usually pretty good at letting things go....except for that time of the month!  PMS makes me much more sensitive and irritable and I definitely tend to flip out during these times!

Posted on May 5, 2011 at 5:23 am
CaiteeCarb
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03/24/2012
CaiteeCarb

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I've been trying to check myself so I dont nag, but how many times do you need to say some for it to FINALLY sink in?!? Lol. Overall my fianc? is great, and helps me, but the tiny things can still get to me.
Posted on May 6, 2011 at 10:12 am
claytonandshauna
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claytonandshauna

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With DH it's the garbage, it's his only cleaning chore in the house.  He can't smell it and the house will reek before he takes it out.  I asked him to do it Tuesday night because the smell was soooo bad and finally at 8am I went up stairs with the comment "sorry, it smells so bad down here I'm going to bed."  He took it out but he spent the evening watching tv by himself.  I'm going to continue to do that.


As for other things, DH is so particular how he likes things done (he's military) that any time he complains how I do things I stop doing them altogether.  One time I didn't do laundry for three weeks and when he asked why I told him that he didn't seem to like how I did it....the end result is, he doesn't complain about how I do things (mostly) anymore.

Posted on May 12, 2011 at 10:26 am
littlebit07
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I'm usually pretty good at letting things go. FI is a sweetheart about everything, and if having him in my life means I have to pick up his clothes off the floor and put them in the hamper, or break down and do the week-old dishes in the sink that he's been promising to do but hasn't, I'll do it. Without complaining. I grew up in a home where my step-mom nit picked about EVERYTHING and it drove me (and I'm pretty sure my Dad) insane. Perfection is just not that important. I would rather have a messy house full of love than a spotlessly clean one where everyone feels like they can't do anything right. I'll admit, though, sometimes that's a hard attitude to keep;)

Posted on December 10, 2011 at 9:02 pm
carolinawedding
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carolinawedding

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DH and I are usually on the same page with regards to flipping. He's just more passive aggressive about it and THAT pisses me off. When baking, I do what I can to clean during the process but I can't keep the kitchen spotless while I'm doing something. He'll usually just make comments like "Yeah, do that every time you cook" after I apologize. When it comes to letting go, it isn't his habit of leaving towels everywhere that gets me, it's comments like that. I'll just stew about it for a second and then be fine. Granted, if it's something very unnecessary I'll talk to him about it.


We don't really nag at one another, just ask each other to pick something up or help out. If he leaves the cap off the toothpaste, I'll just replace it but ask him to put it back on when he uses it. If I leave shoes around, he puts them up and asks that I be more mindful of leaving stuff around the house.

Posted on December 13, 2011 at 3:17 am
Uhlease
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This is a great topic, b/c nagging is the number one complaint from guys. It's so true that us females are usually more inclined to want the place clean or for our guys to help out around the house. I'm not really a flipper, but it will definitely annoy me when I've asked FI to do something and he doesn't. especially b/c I don't ask him to do a lot!


As crazy this is, when you make the same amount of money and contribute equally to house and bills you feel like all things should be split equally. I've recently been letting things go a lot b/c FI is so stressed with work (and my job is virtually stress free) that I know when he gets home he really just wants to relax or not do another 'job' kwim?


I've kind of just adopted the fact that in order to keep our relationship happy I don't mind doing a little more housework. It's not a big deal to me and as long as he's not a complete slob and does nothing but sit around then I'm ok with it. For now, that's good. I don't want him to be unhappy at work, and then unhappy at home. Whereas I am happy at work and still happy at home even if I'm doign a little more housework :)

Posted on March 19, 2012 at 11:37 am
alyciamarlene
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07/23/2011
alyciamarlene

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The one that makes me flip is when DH says a sentence that begins with "we" when it's something that we both know he's never going to do. For example, we bought a bunch of meat at Costco the other day and it's sitting in our fridge until it gets split up into ziploc bags and put in the freezer. I've been really busy during the day these past few days getting our house cleaned up and ready for the new couches that were delivered yesterday. So last night he came home to a spotless house, but opened the fridge and said "We need to get that meat packaged up!" then shut the fridge and sat on the couch. When I asked him why he says "we" because we both know I'm gonna do it he said because it's his polite way of asking me to do something because he has no time. So I told him he has tons of time he's just gotta get off the couch and off facebook and do it. The meat is still in the fridge.


That is the one thing he does that gets on my nerves, because it even extends as far as him needing to fill out an application for a grant, something that is entirely his responsibility and he just said for weeks "oh, we need to get that application filled out!" but he wasn't doing it, plus everytime I would point out that it is not us that need to fill it out, but him. Eventually I got sick of hearing it and just filled it out for him and that was that.

Posted on May 9, 2012 at 4:02 am
melsmith56
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06/27/2009
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First, let me start off my saying I'm new to this group.  Someone posted this group was here, and now that I know it's here, I'm anxious to spend time with you all.


To respond to the post, I would have to say that "letting it go" has really come into play in my marriage.  My husband had a mild stroke about 8 years ago...we've been married almost 3 years (June 27).


Prior to getting married, I was a pretty tightly wound, obsessive-compulsive, Type A personality.  Being married and being married to someone whose short-term memory has been affected has made me let go of a lot of things.


For example, I went home from work yesterday and made us a quick, open-faced hot turkey sandwich for lunch.  While I was getting the sandwiches ready, I asked him to set the table and told him that we'd need 2 forks and knives.  Within a minue he said "you said a spoon and a fork, right?".  No.  We need 2 forks and 2 knives.  I look over to see how he's doing and he's holding one salad fork and one dinner fork.  I go over and show him which fork we'll need, then go back to working on the sandwiches.


When I got the sandwiches plated up, and brought them to the table, there they were . . . 4 forks!!


Normally I'd probably make a snotty remark, or just huffily go about switching the silverware out.  But I've learned to smile, respond lightly, and not let things like this ruffle my feathers.


 

Posted on May 9, 2012 at 4:27 am

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