Losing Friends

I hear its common for brides to lose friends while planning a wedding and after they are married...but how common is it for us who are already married to lose friends while doing a vow renewal?


I ask because recently I lost a friend over what I perceive is her being upset because I lost a bridesmaid and wanted her to replace the bridesmaid I lost, BUT my DH decided that he didnt want to add another person since the BM's went from 5 for 4 and he had 4 GM. That being said, I had to backtrack my invitation. This was in May...fast forward...there are other things she said that seemed a little petty to me. But at the end of the day we arent friends because she is marrying my cousin and I wasnt invited...although her engagement ring was picked out by me and I have been supportive (after I got over my initial feelings) Her reason of course was sucky for a best friend, basically she didnt tell me and I wasnt suppose to find out because I dont like to fly.


For me, someone who doesnt have a lot of friends, this kinda hurt. So tell me...is this a normal thing to lose friends while planning a wedding in general? I was gonna post this on the main board but IDK.

Posted on March 4, 2011 at 6:26 am
amorza
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(13) Comments

TheChicBride
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TheChicBride

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I'm sorry you are going through this. It is no fun losing a friend regardless of the circumstances.


I personally have no friends. The last friend I has was about 11 yrs ago, so I can't really relate, but I think a lot of brides lose friends during the planning process. Weddings in general tend to bring out the worst in people. Especially friends and family.


Also, in my experience, very few people take Vow Renewals seriously. They think it's a joke and a waste of time and money, so people tend to lose friends as well.


 

Posted on March 4, 2011 at 8:48 am
amorza
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amorza

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Ive noticed. Its like this is a joyous time that you want your family and friends to come together, vow renewal or first time bride, and people want to muck it up!

Posted on March 4, 2011 at 9:55 am
TheChicBride
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TheChicBride

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TheChicBride

It's like they have nothing better to do than to rain on your parade so to speak.
Posted on March 4, 2011 at 10:21 am
amorza
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amorza

~sighs~ It happens I guess.

Posted on March 4, 2011 at 10:46 am
TheChicBride
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TheChicBride

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Unfortunately. You just have to try and brush it off.
Posted on March 4, 2011 at 11:23 am
coloradomema
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07/02/2011
coloradomema

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My oldest daughter, who has lived with her present boyfriend for the last 8 years, said to me "better you than me".  Then she said she didn't know if she could attend because she may have to work.  I made it in the evening, because we both work day shift!  I do agree, I don't think they take it serious, or else they as I have been told by our son, "think it is a waste of money that could be spent better somewhere else"  I can only imagine by that remark that they mean on them!!  My husband has a cool attitude, he said they weren't at the first ceremony and if they choose not to be at the 2nd that is their decision, but we are going to have a blast anyway!

Posted on March 4, 2011 at 12:06 pm
amorza
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amorza

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amorza

WOW I think I would be in tears if my kids reacted like that.

Posted on March 4, 2011 at 1:13 pm
Fearce
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I had a very close friend tell me she could not make it to my 1st wedding.  We went to the jeweler to see if my I could find a wedding band and I wanted to included her.  She found a ring she loved in the store and tried to make a spectacle of herself.  I heard her trying so hard to get the man's attention.  He comes over to ask her if she would like for them to hold a ring until her boyfriend could be reached.  It must have been embarrassing to say outloud at that point that she had no boyfriend.  She didn't come to the wedding because she did not have a ride....my adopted sister, who actually went around the city to pick people up and bring them, lives a block away from her.....It's obvious there were some troublesome issues brewing after I got engaged.  I've had a few other people show their true colors becuase some others weren't getting married and were jealous.  My husband's brother's girlfriend has expressed on numerous occasions that she is jealous.  The sad part about that one is the fact that she has brought up a wedding to him and he has said no every time.  So there you have it.......It's actually sad to experience the loss.  On the upside the ones that are still in my circle have gotten closer.  We've even asked my very best friend to conduct our ceremony.  I hope it gets better for you Amorza.

Posted on March 4, 2011 at 1:43 pm
amorza
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amorza

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amorza

I hope it does too! Its too close for this drama. Its bad enough my MIL of 6 years is trying to ruin it. But now my so called friend.
Posted on March 4, 2011 at 2:42 pm
coloradomema
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Our children did make me cry, but we have decided to ask for their opinions on decor etc. with the hopes that they will come around.  Our two daughters are the problems, and by children I mean they are 34 and 39, so not little ones!!  The oldest is our adopted daughter, the younger one our bio daughter, I don't know if that makes a difference.  When each of them decided to marry the older one, did it on a whim, no body was invited, goth black wedding, and the youngest one is on her second marriage.  Its strange, I get more support with decisons from our sons!!

Posted on March 4, 2011 at 3:34 pm
amorza
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amorza

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amorza

Well as long as you and your husband are happy. I would hope that if we decided to renew again that our kids would support us. I hope to make it to how years you and your husband have been married.

Posted on March 4, 2011 at 5:10 pm
coloradomema
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coloradomema

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Thanks so much, our children need to realize that we do not judge their lives or their decisions, they should respect us and if they are not happy about it then shut up!

Posted on March 5, 2011 at 11:24 am
amorza
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amorza

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As an adult child, I can honestly say that I think sometimes we lose track of the things our parents have sacrificed for us. We get in this selfish mode where we think our parents should do what we want. I am still there in some things regarding my mom, albeit its important things like health management and few of her lifestyle choices (dead beat boyfriend). That being said, when my mom does what she deems is right for her I know that I MUST support her. I think back on all the times she helped me, watched me make the most dumbest choices even after she warned me. As a parent I see why she did what she did and I am thankful for her letting me get my bumps and bruises. I hope your kids realize in due time that they are BLESSED to have parents who have weathered many storms together and made it through. Parents who still want to be together, who still love each enough to marry again. Stay encouraged and know that you have us here to cheer you on!!

Posted on March 5, 2011 at 1:57 pm

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