MOH/BM refuses to wear a dress

My friend is kind of tomboyish and refuses to wear a dress or makeup or get her done at all. She wants to wear pants and a suit jacket. All my other girls are wearing dresses and getting dolled up and I don't want her to stand out or be overshadowed by the other girls. Am I being unreasonable to insist that she wear a dress like the other bridesmaids? Does anyone have advice on what to do?
Posted on August 24, 2007 at 8:47 pm
StrawberryShortcake
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(12) Comments

MrsBabySalute
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Hmmm... maybe she can wear pants and a suit jacket and stand on the groom's side? That way she won't stand out or be overshadowed by all the other girls!
Posted on August 24, 2007 at 10:08 pm
She1
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Thats a tuff one.... on one hand this is your wedding, you have a vision of what it should look like....and it's not the 80s anymore so she?s probably pretty safe in terms of hideous shinny poofy overdone nightmare bridesmaids dresses lol.

On the other hand you don't want her to feel uncomfortable.......

I do feel, however, that as your friend she should want to make your day as special as possible for you, wearing a dress for one night is not a lot to ask in my opinion.

Maybe ask her if she would be willing to wear the dress just for the ceremony and change into the suit later.... Explain to her that you just want everything to look uniform for the photos and it would really mean a lot to you. After all you will be keeping those photos for the rest of your life and you have a vision....(not to mention your the one paying the photographer..don't say that though). If you put it to her that way, maybe she would be willing to do it.

Also maybe you can find her a long dress that covers her legs...if she?s your MOH that shouldn't be a problem. Ask her if she would be willing to wear very natural looking make-up (clear lip gloss, a little bit of eyeliner, maybe some mineral based powder foundation.) As for her hair, maybe leave her hair down, and just have it straightened,so it's not all over the place. Try to meet her half way, compromise
=o)

Good Luck, I hope this helps
Posted on August 25, 2007 at 3:09 am
Ms.Sumomo
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I'm with SHE1. Maybe you can ask her to wear the dress for the ceremony and pictures.

Good luck.
Posted on August 25, 2007 at 3:14 am
married2mrwright
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If you cannot get her to wear a dress, maybe find a seamstress who can make her a pant suit in the same fabric as your BM dresses? I think there are some designers out there too who offer dresses AND pants as well...if you choose the color and fabric, each gal can choose her design...and for this friend, in particular, it could be pants. If you put the other gals in long, two piece dresses, she could wear full-cut pants and blend in nicely. Silk shantung would work beautifully for this...you could buy some in whatever color you like and gice enough yardage to each girl so they can have their dresses or paint suits made to order...I have a friend who did this (one of her BM's was her FSIL who was 15 years older than all the other girls) and each girl had a dress that fit their personal sense of style and body type, but they all coordinated.

On the otherhand, if she TRULY is your friend, she'll realize that your wedding is not about her! Surely she can don a dress for a few hours! Try talking to her about it and see if there is ANY flexibility.

Not sure what your colors are, but here is an example of choosing a pant suit for your MOH that could coordnate in with other BMs in dresses:




The other girls could wear something like this:

Posted on August 25, 2007 at 5:57 am
marymar5
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I agree with SHE1 but then again. If she's going to feel uncomfortable, it's going to show in the pictures and I don't think you want that. Ask her to compromise. I've seen ladies wearing dress suits and standing on the grooms side. Tell here that it's fine she could wear the suit but she has to have her hair and makeup done. In my opinion, I really don't think you should compramise with her due to the fact that it's your wedding and you are paying but if all else fails, try that.
Posted on August 25, 2007 at 5:59 am
sarahmkruse
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I am brutally honest, so I would say either accommodate to my wishes, or please don't have hurt feelings when I say you aren't in the wedding.
Posted on August 25, 2007 at 10:08 am
married2mrwright
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A follow up to Sarah's comments...



When your friend accepted the invitation to be your MOH, didn't she know that would mean looking AND dressing the part?



Unless you are planning a super casual, backyard BBQ/Potluck-type of wedding...I don't see where she could have ever gotten the inkling that she wouldn't have to wear a dress or make-up.



That said, I still stand by my previous post...you could try to find something that is dressy and pants OR you could ask her to wear the BM dress for the ceremony and pics and then change into something else at the reception. Also, you may help to pursuade her if you choose something that is more tailored and athletically cut and less girly-girl, frilly and not strapless.



Such as these Nicole Miller Dress:






Or this Maggy London Cutaway Silk Dress:





Or this JS Collected Jacket and Skirt:


Posted on August 25, 2007 at 10:18 am
lukduck
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I am going to be brutaly honest...and I know I sound rude, but when you say yes to being a bridesmaid...you should know that you are going to be wearing a dress...or skirt, and if that is something that concerns you...then you should ask about it before you say yes. One of my bridesmaids is a total tomboy, she is a dear friend of mine from highschool...she lives on a mountain teaching outdoor education, rock climbs, and just spent the summer in Alaska hiking and stuff....

As your friend she should be willing to wear a dress for you...its one day. Maybe she can help you pick out the dresses for the bridesmaids. Lori posted some really nice selections, some very conservative and a few that are really cute and very figure flattering....
Posted on August 25, 2007 at 11:35 am
sarahmkruse
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Lori, I agree. Those dresses are very simple and not girly by any stretch of the imagination. I think she could put aside her "tom-boy" vibe for a couple hours to make you happy.
Posted on August 26, 2007 at 4:26 am
moemarsita
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What if she just wore the same fabric in a pants/top combo or something? I guess that having a friend is more important to me than having uniform pictures.
Posted on August 26, 2007 at 2:45 pm
She1
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Moe, I agree, it's not worth losing a friend. However if she was a good friend she would understand that wearing a dress for couple hours is not a lot to ask and certainly not worth losing a friendship over. If I was her friend, I would want to do what makes her happy, because I would understand that it's a very special day in her life. Brides have enough stress, friends should try to help relieve it, not add to it. ... She can always change into the suit for the reception, and wear a long dress to cover her legs for the ceremony and photos. That?s my opinion. I think this would be a pretty reasonable compromise.
Posted on August 27, 2007 at 1:34 am
kareenq
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They also have a lot of BM dresses that come in 2 pieces, if you could coordinate those, you could do one with pants.....that said, if she is being uncooperative past any compromising, I would 'suggest' that maybe she would be more comfortable coming to the wedding without the pressures of having to stand up for you.
Posted on August 27, 2007 at 3:34 am

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