MOH just up and quit.

I asked two women to be my matrons of honor for my sept. 2013 wedding, the first is my sister, and second a life long friend, Christine. Christine asked me to be her MOH back in 2010 when she married, just as her mother asked my mom to her her MOH back in the early 80's. 


Christine and I don't get to talk as often as we'd like as we're both anlways busy with school (me) or work (her), and that communication has dwindled even further since her marriage. While I was her MOH I spent just over $2000.00 on this girl and her wedding which encompassed literally all of my summer earnings. In addition to that I had to endure her MIL and SIL who contantly fought me every step of the way; the MIL was a jealous control freak, and the SIL was just plain jealous. Long story short, I have yet to be invited to Christines home for dinner in 2 years even as a thank you for all the hard work I put into her special day.



Monday Christine called me out of the blue to say she'd gotten my engagement invitation and we chatted happily for some time, but at the end of the conversation she let me know that she felt that she didn't deserve to be a MOH because we so rarely talk and she feels like a bad friend (well you are honey). She also said she didn't want to take away the honor from my sister, but that wasn't a real issue (my sister also had two MOH, me and a young aunt). Although I was seriously disappointed I didn't press the issue and let it go. I figured well at least she still wants to be a bridesmaid. 


Tonight she texted me to re-check my wedding date, and surprise surprise, there's a bug issue with it. Apparently her and her husband booked a trip to Alberta that week for deer hunting. According to her she had to book a  1 1/2 years in advance and put down a $3000 deposit (this does not sound tangible to me). So now instead of saying "I'll find someway to work it out" its "OMG I'm sorry, I feel so bad". Her husband is for lack of a better word, a shit disturber, who has turned Christine against her own mother. I know his mom and sister don't like me so I'm sure that influence has passed from him onto Christine in some form, because since they've been married, she's pretty much diappeared from my radar even though I call and text. 


So, here I am 360 days before my wedding, down one MOH which has turned into being down one self appointed bridesmaid. I cannot believe this girl and her attitude. I just turned off my phone because I couldn't think of anything nice to say. DO I tell her to screw off and not talk to her again? Do I uninvite her to my engagement party? Do I let it slide? (BTW, money is not an issue for them; her retard husband injured himself in a motorcycle accident and sued his own insurance company for 3 figures and they just sold their house for a handsome profit). Should I ask her for the 2K that I spent on her for her wedding?!


FML.

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Mrs.Hodder
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(15) Comments

missjess485
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02/19/2012
missjess485

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Oh dang! This is one heck of a situation to be in with someone you were once so close to. I can imagine how hurt you are by how this has turned out. I agree that the entire situation around the trip sounds odd.


If it were me, I would just let it go. Everything. It seems like her family and your family are pretty close and it might be easier to just kind of "slide" away from the friendship. This is one of the happiest, love-filled times in your life, and you should be surrounded by the people that care for you most!!

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm
pickaroe
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11/03/2012
pickaroe

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WHAT THE HECK??


I'm so sorry. I say just forget about her and move on.


My MOH for my first marriage who is also my COUSIN told me 8 months before the wedding that she couldn't get a babysitter for that night. Huh? Really? Then after her mom told her that she was watching the baby... she said my wedding was ruining her marriage and had her MIL send me an email about it. I fought her tooth and nail through the process and she came up with all kinds of crazy excuses (because I thought she should be there). I should not have done that. She made me miserable, changed into jeans and a sweater for my reception, got into a yelling match with her hubby in the parking lot, and on and on.... I feel like she did it to hurt me for some reason. I still haven't figured out why she didn't like me anymore. Needless to say, we don't talk.

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Mrs.Hodder
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Mrs.Hodder

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Her mom and my mom have been best friend since they were 13, so I don't want to blow things up between them, but I will certainly not be speaking with her any longer. This was the absolute last straw and I'm so utterly disappointed in her. It's kind of weird but I hope her mom yells at her, because if she doesn't I know my mom will and that would be scary.

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Siouxzan
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11/10/2012
Siouxzan

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Honestly, I would wait to see if she shows up at your engagement party.  Somehow I don't think she will.  Just write her off and add someone else, or not.

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Canooknic
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07/19/2013
Canooknic

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That's so sad, she sucks!

I would forget about her, be civilised if she turns up to your party and leave it at that, it's her loss and you have more exciting and fun things to worry about!! You don't need the extra drama xxx

(Hunting trips are expensive, but I've never heard of booking them that far in advance BTW)
Posted on October 3, 2012 at 4:26 pm
pinktulip
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07/30/2011
pinktulip

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I am sorry you are going through this.  Yes, the money thing sucks.  What is important here, is are you hurt?  I mean, did you have the meaningful relationship to begin with?  If you did I would talk to her and explain how you feel.  If you feel that you weren't that close anyways, then I would just let it go and let her go.  I mean if you weren't close to begin with, then just let her go.  You don't need this.  


 


Yes, it is offensive that she did this to you.  My own mother and step-sister gave me hell close to the wedding date.  I told my step-sister to leave after the ceremony or be escorted out by my girl cousins.  Thankfully she just left and there was not scene.  She kept insisting starting in the morning that her son should be allowed to come when there were no children allowed except the RB and FG.  After the ceremony she mentioned it again, and I bassically told her to F- off.  I mean, really on my wedding day.  


Be grateful for what you have and who you have that support you.  I learned so much from having my wedding about who was my real friends and real family.  People are weird around weddings.  

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 6:01 pm
cuteboy2me
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09/22/2012
cuteboy2me

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That is a nasty situation all the way around.

For what it's worth, my advice: Send the engagement invite. Don't mention the money you spent on her wedding. Be the bigger person and let it go. Have a conversation with her and let her know how you feel, but once you've said your peace let it go.

You've been disrespected. You never expect to be treated like this, and especially not by a person you consider a friend. I don't mean to make a situation with your friend worse, but your friend doesn't seem to make you a priority and this will probably forever change the landscape of your friendship, so carry on and plan your wedding. If being at your wedding isn't important to her, don't you waste your time stressing out.

Your wedding planning will be a mixture of ups and downs, and during the next year you will see clearly who is in this for the long haul and for your wedding day success and marital happiness.

Hugs!
Posted on October 4, 2012 at 1:19 am
Sammy_D
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09/10/2011
Sammy_D

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All the other ladies have pretty much said it all - you've got some great advice here.


This is a bad situation all the way around and as much as you want to really tell her where to go, that's only going to make you feel better for a little bit.


Being the bigger person is definitely the way to go because it looks good to everyone else (who trust me, will notice something going on between you to) and since your families are close, you will run into her again and this will make it less awkward.


I had a huge blowout with my MOH and best friend of 15 years about 9 months before my wedding. I asked her to step down after that and she didn't even come to the wedding, we didn't speak for months but we are slowly putting things back together and looking back on it, it was okay that she wasn't here. She wasn't meant to be in that part of my life and I hope the same for you guys. Time has a way of righting things.

Posted on October 4, 2012 at 2:07 am
jmbuss9
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jmbuss9

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What in the world! She has some serious issues! Sorry you are having to go through this and that! If I was in your situation I wouldn't even talk to her EVER again, I would just leave it as it is. Because as everyone says it is what it is.


I hope their deer hunting trip is well worth the $3000 deposit and they actually GET something. I would be so mad if one of my friends did that to me, rather if we were still close or not. You don't just back out of someones wedding and then say that you can't go because you planned a deer hunting trip. You can always go deer hunting. A wedding is only once. That's a bunch of BS. Something has to be going on with her to just start acting like that.

Posted on October 4, 2012 at 4:17 am
MrsCaleYoung
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06/30/2012
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This is a very delicate situation. It sounds like you are angry, hurt and miss your friend! You have every right to feel this way, especially since the two of you had a very enjoyable conversation. Sounds like she does not like confrontation which is why she text you the next day instead of telling you when you guys were talking. I agree with Julie. Something may be going on in her life that you are unaware of for her to behave in this manner. Let her still come to the engagement party and if I were you, I wouldn't ask for the 2k back. Also, better to find out this early than a couple of weeks from your big day! I know this is frustrating but stay focused on the bigger picture. You marrying the love of your life! And I totally agree with SDonisi - Time has a way of righting things!

Posted on October 4, 2012 at 5:06 am
tnt1989
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This is an odd situation, obviously she isn't that great of a friend if a hunting trip planned this far in advance is more important than your big day. I say just let go of it and if she shows up she does, if not that's good too. It's your day and your marrying the man of your dreams! 

Posted on October 4, 2012 at 6:31 am
mrsharris2012
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Wow! People are too much sometimes! I say write her off honey! Life is short and wedding planning is stressful! You should just move on without her. Its unfortunate that she cant seem to put as much love and friendship into your day as you did hers! But that goes to show you where you stand with her and for those reasons I would just move on!


 

Posted on October 4, 2012 at 7:23 am
Santosha
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06/16/2012
Santosha

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:/  GOOD GRIEF.  Sorry to hear this happened to you, truly.


I'm going to try and spin it for you though.  Yes, it sucks that your MOH couldn't step up to the plate and keep her promise to be your MOH, which by the way, as we all know is an absolute HONOUR.  That being said, rejoice that she told you with 360 days left before your wedding.  That's a lot of time to figure out the MOH situation, if anything needs to be figured out.  It's better for her to step down now as opposed to a) leaving it to very last minute to step down or b) staying and doing a slack-off job as your MOH, which is worse than having her step down.


Consider this a blessing.  Hopefully, your friendship with her will triumph somewhere down the line, but for your wedding, you need to be surrounded by people who truly love and support you.  ;)  Just my humble opinion...

Posted on October 4, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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I am SO SO Sorry you have to deal with immaturity!!! I agree with the other ladies that it's probably best just to cut ties quietly and be better off without her! :(

Posted on October 4, 2012 at 2:06 pm
Mrs.Hodder
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Thanks for the support guys. The situation has pretty much only gotten worse even though I have kept my mouth shut, my family are the first to jump in and defend me. I'm trying to get over the fact that she won't even be in my wedding party but at the end of the day she's some of the only family I have left so deep down I can't stand to stay mad at her. As dumb and inconsiderate as this move was on her part I'm not going to let it ruin 26 years of friendship... I guess I have to meet with her and talk things out. In the mean time, she can go F. right off and I"m going to focus on school and work, and planning my awesome wedding which will still be awesome with out her and even better than hers was (hands down lol). Thank you again for the advice everyone <3

Posted on October 5, 2012 at 4:43 am

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