MOMZILLA!!!

So, my mom wants to invite everyone she has ever known or met to our wedding! I'm exaggerating a little, but really...I'm not! Our guest list is getting out of control. She is inviting wayyy more friends than me and FI! How do I get her to invite less people or only the important people (or at least people I know/or met before)?! This conversation/argument is going to piss her off and I know I won't win but I'm not even kidding you guys, she's the one person who doesn't care that I'm the bride! She doesn't listen to me! Should I just let her do what she wants because 75% of the wedding funding is coming from her wallet?!


But seriously, our wedding is one big party for her to "show off" to everyone. She's even inviting ALL of our co-workers in our department (so, including their spouses, will be 40 extra people). My mom and I work in the same department...can you understand why I'm going insane now?!


Unfortunately, my mother and I are not speaking and have not been for a few weeks now. I have very cold feelings toward her because of the way she treats me and has been acting towards me and my wedding. To tell you the truth, we have a terrible relationship and it has been rocky for many years.


I don't even want her in my bridal suite or near me at all on my wedding day because I know she will upset me. I will NEVER forgive her if she makes me cry on my wedding day! Anyway, sorry to get into all of the drama. But y'all should know some of the gist of what has been going on with me and my momzilla. (Yep, that's what I've been referring her as.)


It has gotten to the point now that I have cut her out completely of the wedding planning process. I used to ask her opinions here and there but she argues with me about EVERYTHING and always makes me cry. I've had to cut my aunt (her older sister) out as well too. No family members were there the day I picked out and bought my wedding dress because they ruined the first appointment. So, I just had my bridal party at the 2nd appointment, which happened to be the day that I found my dress. My mom still hasn't seen my dress in person. I have planned this ENTIRE wedding by myself. I am not even kidding. Y'all should see my spreadsheets.


It's so sad that what should be the happiest time in my life has been ruined by my family but mainly my own mother. My FI and I have threatened to elope many times. We already have our honeymoon booked so we just want to fly to St. Lucia and get married by ourselves. But unfortunately, I've already paid for too many deposits to back out now.


And that's my sad little story. Sorry, needed to vent. NOBODY knows any of this except for my wonderful fiance.


Can anyone relate???

Posted on May 7, 2013 at 9:05 am
mrswolter
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11/16/2013
mrswolter

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cuteboy2me
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09/22/2012
cuteboy2me

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I'm really sorry you're dealing with this situation.  A wedding brings out the strengths and weaknesses of any relationship.  The saddest part of all is when it brings out those strengths and weaknesses in a relationship with a parent.


First and foremost I have to say, I absolutely detest the idea that your mother gets so much say because she is paying for parts of your wedding.  Pay with 'no strings' or don't pay.  I know not everyone will hold that view, but to me it is emotional blackmail and it really bothers me. 


I don't have much advice other than to tell your mother how you feel.  It is your right to express your feelings and the chips will fall where they may.  Know it may be a difficult discussion, but one you owe to yourself to have with her.    


Good luck, hon! 

Posted on May 7, 2013 at 9:30 am
MOBRIDE72
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04/25/2015
MOBRIDE72

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I know all too well having a bad relationship with your mother. I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. At the time where we are planning our weddings every girl wants her mom to be by her side. Unfortunately it's not a picture perfect world. I agree with cuteboy2me. You need to express your feelings to her. If it's like my mom it will go in one ear and out the other and it's a talk I've had before. When and if you have a very stern talk with her be prepared for her to back out financially.


I have hardly spoken to my mother in years. I am not even sure my mother will be on the guest list to my wedding. My bridal party consist of two of my sisters that don't want to be in the same state as my mother let alone the same room. I really hope things work out for you.


Maybe she feels obligated to invite certain people.

Posted on May 7, 2013 at 10:04 am
mrswolter
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11/16/2013
mrswolter

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I'm sorry you're going through a tough situation with your mother as well Kim. @cuteboy2me and @KimandByron, unfortunately...I have told her how I feel multiple times and can you believe she has either said, "Wah wah, go cry about it!" Or she's kicked me out of her office! Or she's completely just walked away from me! Or she has hung up on me on the phone.


So, as you can see...I have tried to tell her on numerous occasions. Luckily, she has given me full access and authority of the wedding account. She can't touch it. And I'm the one who's still adding money into every paycheck, not her. I even had the bank statements be sent to my address and no longer hers. She doesn't even know I made that change last week.


Similar to your situation Kim, I don't mind if my mother and I completely become astranged one day. She doesn't even realize that it's going to come to that. One day, I'm going to give birth to her first grandchild and she won't even be allowed to see them...then maybe she'll finally realize she messed up.

Posted on May 7, 2013 at 10:29 am
Fearce
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05/28/2019
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Sadly enough I went through this but we didn't even have a traditional wedding. We said I Do then got on a plane. She paid for the honeymoon. Then started to dictate our engagement party and wanted her way on how we would all arrive at the park. In the end she told me she wasn't coming & I told her that's fine. My wedding day in morning was spent bring asked is your mother coming? Was she serious & yadda yards. She still managed to make it about her & to add insult to injury when the time came and she showed up my sister went against my ONE request of no one to wear white. Sadly my mother and father aren't together & it is no secret that she and my sisters are jealous that I have a husband. They have always treated me differently but that is another story for another day. She went as far as to tell me not to get married and she would tell everyone it's been cancelled. All because it wasn't going the way SHE envisioned MY day. I understand the need to vent about it because I never really have myself & it feels great to get it out.......
Don't let anyone dictate yours & his big day. If she chooses to not be apart of our remix because of that she does not have to be there. I will still have my ceremony whether she is there or not. No one is taking our dream ceremony & our first reception ever away from us! If you ever want to talk feel free to inbox me (:
Posted on May 7, 2013 at 11:37 am

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