My drunk uncle ... kinda long, need advice

So I guess everyone has one of those right?!  My uncle and my dad have not spoken to each other for over 10 years over a bulls*** family dispute.  All of my aunts have tried to make them rekindle their relationship several time to no avail.  Even after my dad had a heart attack and had to have open heart surgery, they still didn't speak to each other.  Well, pigs must have gotten wings, b/c this past weekend was my bridal shower and my aunt decided to try again and was successful.  My uncle came over to my dad's house and they made amends. Which, in turn, made my dad invite him to my wedding.  Although I'm happy that they have put the past behind, I'm a little concerned.  My uncle has been an alcoholic since I was a little girl.  I can't even count the # of times he's been arrested for DUI, spent time in jail, gotten his license revoked, etc. 


I attended my aunts b-day approximately 6 months ago and he was there ... drunk.  FI was sick, so I just went w/my son and this was the first time he ever met my son.  FI is Creole and I'm Latina and my son is more my skin tone, so if you see me w/him alone, you won't necessarily know that he's mixed unless you see his father.  So I told him that I was getting married and he asked me if it was w/my son's father.  When I said yes, he said, "Well, thank God you're not going to marry a black man," assuming that my son's father was Latino also.  I got upset and was about to let him have it, but one of my aunts came to his rescue and changed the subject.  My aunt pulled me to the side later and said that my uncle didn't know what he was saying, etc.  Needless to say, I was a little relieved that he didn't get along w/my dad when I was getting my guest list together. 


That being said, I'm torn about even inviting him to my wedding, since I am marrying a "black man" and I don't want him to voice his racist a** opinion at my wedding. My aunt says that she doesn't think he's a racist b/c we are Latino and have darker skin and that he was just drunk, but IMO you're true colors come out when you're drunk and darker skin or not, FI is still a different race than me. Then she said that he wouldn't dare say anything about FI if he was sober ... but when the hell is that!!! I'm concerned that I'm going to have to babysit him and make sure that none of FI's family gets offended. 


This is supposed to be a happy occassion turning sour. What should I do?

Posted on July 15, 2008 at 11:21 am
Chica
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08/10/2008
Chica

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(4) Comments

jharks
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10/11/2008
jharks

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jharks

hmm.... does your save the date have your picture on it? If so, send him a save the date now and he will see who you are marrying before he makes up his mind to attend the wedding (also gives him time to get used to it). You will NOT have to be the one babysitting him, make sure of that! I would talk to your dad, who invited him, and voice your concerns that you will have to be watching out for his brother's mouth and actions. Maybe you can designate one of the aunts that fueled the "reunion" between them, as his babysitter, or his drink regulator.


Don't stress. It will be a beautiful day, even if everyone there is totally annoying :-)

Posted on July 15, 2008 at 11:37 am
abattyref
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10/06/2007
abattyref

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abattyref

Wow, that is a really tough situation. I wonder if there was some way to make sure that he doesn't drink at your wedding. You definately shouldn't be the one doing the babysitting, I'd give that job to an aunt who can actually keep the alcohol away from him. I haven't never had to deal with an alcoholic, but perhaps you can talk to your uncle before the wedding and express your concern. Maybe, now that your dad and uncle are on friendly terms again, maybe your dad can talk to the uncle and get him to stay sober at the wedding.


If you can't un-invite this uncle... maybe talk to your FI and warn him of the possibility of a drunk uncle. In turn, he talk to his GM and your uncle can be escorted to a cab at the first sign of misbehavior. I'm sure the GM wouldn't mind acting as bouncers. ;-)


If anything, you should do your best to not stress about it. jharkins is right, it'll be a beautiful day!

Posted on July 15, 2008 at 11:42 am
d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

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d1rtymart1n1

J-


first i thought we just had a nice cyber-friendship - but after reading this - i'm convinced you and i are cousins - b/c my uncle is like that also... remember my spazzy post about open bar and my uncle - and my event isnt til august 2009 and i'm already concnerend about his drunk culo!


ok so to not totally make fun of a heavy sitch - but i think for one day - especially your wedding day, maybe he'll keep his opinions to himself and respect that you are happy and not fck up the vibe!  could you talk to his wife and give her the stun-gun just in case?? not literally the stun-gun - but you know how sometimes some men will listen to only their wives??


im sending you a hug! i know this is a hard one to deal with - and like we cant just duct tape our uncles' mouths b/c that would just look wierd in the pics ;)


HUGS!!!  email me or call me if oyu need to vent mama!!

Posted on July 15, 2008 at 12:36 pm
WMforever
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06/14/2009
WMforever

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WMforever

holy cow that sucks chica! well first, i would ask your aunt to tell him your fiance is black. or you could tell him yourself if you want. but he needs to know. secondly, i would say he could come only if he agrees not to disrespect him. that is the last thing your man needs on his wedding day! third, if he does agree not to say a word about his "true feelings" then make sure someoen has their eye on him and any sign of drama, he's gone! good luck. let us know how it turns out chica!

Posted on July 15, 2008 at 4:05 pm

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