My first VENT :( Ugh....really need advice.
So this vent is not about pregnancy all that much. The pregnancy has truly been a piece of cake. I am 100% symptom free and if I did not know I am pregnant, I would never even suspect it ...lol.
The vent is about DH :(
So here is the background story.
DH always has this thing to where he swallows a little wrong and then starts coughing. It happens all the time but was never too bad.
About 8 months ago we were eating grapes and cheese when all of the sudden DH started choking. I mean not just coughing but making this horrible sound of trying to breathe but not being able to. This was by far the most horrifying sound I have ever heard in my life. He got up in panic and ran to the bathroom he kept trying to cough it out, but could not and after almost a minute his lips started to turn purple. He kept hitting his chest and making that horrible screeching sound from his throat. I was so scared that I started crying and had to run out to call the neighbours for help. I knew that an ambulance would never make it in time. I was yelling for help from the top of my lungs when DH came out and told me he is ok and he got the piece of grape out. I remember shaking for hours and that I kept throwing up all night after that. I think I did not leave his side for hours. I really thought he was going to die.
I never, ever in my life been this scared. That moment and experience was so much worse than the car accident I was in (I was with two friends and we got hit. Our car caught on fire, the doors jammed and we could not get out, I was hit in the face so hard I could not see and the car was so smashed it got totaled), so much worse than my 7 hour surgery, and in general the worst experience in my life. I still feel like crying every time I remember the sound he was making when trying to breathe. I felt so helpless and I could not do anything to help him at all :( He is so, so much taller than me and I physically could never help him in this situation.... I am a very, very tiny person. It is the worst feeling seeing the person you love in trouble and feeling helpless. I wish so, so bad it was me instead because then it would not have been this bad.
Well I really think this experience has traumatized me to the very core. I get super anxious when he eats and drinks and even the slightest sound from him scares the crap out of me. I still have nightmares about that night and I always wake up crying. I cancelled my trip to Washington because I was scared to leave him alone...Sounds dumb I know, but leaving him made me want to cry because I knew I would not be there when he will be eating.
So yesterday we were eating dinner and he suddenly cleared his throat.... I swear I almost had a freaking heat attack. I started shaking and lost my appetite. I also got nauseous right away (I have zero morning sickness so it has nothing to do with that), got this weird tightness in my chest and shooting pains in my lower back. DH kept apologizing (he feels so guilty about the whole thing and it is not even his fault). He should be ale to clear his throat without me getting a heart attack. He told me that I became super pale (yeah I knew that because I felt the blood drain out of my face momentarily). I tried to calm down and in about 30 minutes felt better and my hands stopped shaking..
Then in about an hour after the whole thing I started getting contractions :((( I got 6 in one hour and they were about 7-10 minutes apart. The longest one was about 40 seconds. It felt like my belly became a rock and started to bulge so, so much (I am not even showing yet, but I was yesterday during the contractions). I know that they could have been braxton hicks, but I never got them before. I am only 16 weeks and it scared me. I went to lay down and had a glass of water.... They stopped, but I feel so guilty and so,so mad at myself, because I know for a fact that they started thanks to my hysterical reaction to DH's cough. I just want to kick myself for being like this >:(
I really, really hate how anxious I am. I try to tell myself that I HAVE TO CALM DOWN. I mean I do not plan to react the way I do...It just happens instantly. I am at my wits end about this whole thing. I am scared to go into premature labor thanks to all this. What do I do? I am endangering my baby with these panic attacks. Ugh. I am such a calm person and never have anxiety, but when it comes to DH I cannot help it :(
I really don't want to take medication for anxiety because I usually never get it and those pills are, so bad.
Anyone have any ideas as to what I can do? I have talked about this and my fears to my friends and mom, but I get so uncomfortable and scared every time. Just like reliving it all over again.
PS. Dr. told us that DH has a very, very slight problem with his air tubes in the area where the throat and nose connect. He might need surgery sometime, but we simply cannot afford it right now. Dr. also said that it does not seem like it should be in any way dangerous for him. So why does he have so much trouble swallowing? :(