My mother is driving me crazy!!!

Major, looooong, overdue vent - my mother is driving me nuts!!!


Background: I'm very fortunate that my parents offered to pay for most of the wedding and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but if I could do it all over again I wouldn't accept a cent from them.  Since it's their money, I've been VERY sensitive about budgeting and keeping everything under the amount they told me.  I've kept them very involved in all the decisions, but at the end of the day, FI and I want it to be our style/taste, not my mom's and that's been REALLY tough since she's very old fashioned and formal and we are not. My sister got married last year and it was very obvious that it was my mother's dream wedding, not my sister's.  It was really formal and pretty, but sadly very boring and NOT my sister's taste at all - and people told me! In fact, most people left the wedding right after dinner! My mom, however, thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread and wants to do the same for mine.


My parents are still upset that we aren't getting married in my home town and haven't gotten over that decision we made almost a year ago (my mom made a comment about it at my shower this weekend).


My mom was very involved in our invitation design and approved everything, but AFTER they were sent she decided to tell me how terrible and inappropriate she thought they were.  She ripped them apart (not literally, but just picked out every single detail she thought was horrendous). She also proceeded to say VERY mean, nasty comments about my good friend who designed them who my mom doesn't even know. I'm ok with her not liking our invitiations, but she needs to learn to keep her opinions to herself or speak up before its too late! I cried waaay too much about this, but she said some nasty, hurtful things that you never want to hear from your mother, regardless of the topic.


I'm also getting ready to print menu cards. I sent her the proof and she called me saying that she wants to add more options to the buffet - SHE SAW AND APPROVED OUR MENU BACK IN FEBRUARY!  I mentioned that it would be an added cost and she apparently doesn't care. In her words "if we're going to make people get up to get their own food, we need to have more choices" (There are already different entree choices already, it's just the sides that only have one.  With a sit-down dinner you don't get to pick sides!) I'm crazy busy at work and super stressed and NOW she decides to change everything I set months ago?


She's also worried about the music and that there won't be a good mix. She actually asked me to play Enrique Iglesias (sp?) and Mambo #5 - seriously. No way.  She has terrible taste in music even for her age group. We went to a wedding this summer with the BEST band - they had everyone on the dance floor the whole time and even had the reception extended cause they were so good.  They played Sinatra, T-Pain and everything in between - my mom thought the wedding was boring, cause they didn't play enough ballroom music -  she's out of her freaken mind. 


Everything I do isn't good enough for her and she makes a point to tell me and try to change everything even though it's not her wedding. She's also RUINING our budget that I spent so much time and energy sticking to. If she was just going to change everything, why have a budget in the first place? She doesn't trust my judgement, but the fact is, hers is WAY worse (my sister's wedding is proof).  I can't please her and I'm done trying, but it is her money....its just soooooo frustrating. 


Oh, and her favorite adjective to use when describing anything I've done is "fine." "I'm sure it will be fine." Fine is NOT how you describe a wedding!!!! Grrrrrr....

Posted on September 1, 2009 at 9:01 am
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(4) Comments

Kaytana17
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Kaytana17

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Kaytana17

awww *HUGS* is it possible for your sister to have a chat w/your mom on your behalf? I'm sure your sister knows exactly what you're going through and will empathize with some support!

Posted on September 1, 2009 at 9:09 am
miss_em2010
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miss_em2010

That is super annoying.


I don't know how old your mom is, but my mom (who is like 60ish) told me that in her day, it was VERY common for the parents to plan the wedding. My mom sounds alot like yours in the sense that she uses the word 'fine' alot, but she has gotten alot better in the past few months than she was at the beginning.


Have you tried FLAT OUT saying - 'this is not your wedding. we want some of the music/style/food/etc to reflect OUR taste.' I would also, (and this is just me) mention to your mom what ppl said about your sister's wedding - that it looking like the whole thing was put together by mom and NOT your sister...and than say that is exactly what you don't want. I would also tell her that it's very hurtful when you put alot of heart and soul into something and she just dismisses it - your mom may not even realize she is doing it.


How frustrated you must be...good luck and I hope you keep us posted with what happens.

Posted on September 1, 2009 at 10:00 am
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Thanks ladies.  I feel bad talking to my sister about this stuff cause, while she can certainly emphathize, in a way, she almost had it worse cause she didn't get what she wanted.  I'm at least getting (some of) what I want, it's just a battle.


Miss Em - good advice...I tried to talk to my mom about how hurtful she's been, but I think I need to be more direct.  And yes, I'm fairly certain her mom (my gramma) planned her wedding so she's doing the same....

Posted on September 1, 2009 at 11:08 am
sly9377
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sly9377

Yikes!!! So sorry to hear!

Posted on September 2, 2009 at 4:19 am

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