I've been lurking here for some time, but haven't posted very much. Just thought I'd finally share my story. But before I tell my story, I just want to say that I am incredibly impressed by all of your strength, courage, and perseverance.
I'm 37 years old and DH is 45. DH has a 24 year old son from a previous marriage. We were TTC for about a year and a half. After no success, we went to a Fertility center and got ourselves checked out. DH's swimmers are fine. But I have a low ovarian reserve - very few eggs, and the ones I do have are low quality. I was told that to conceive naturally our chances were 2%. With insemination, they would increase to about 6%, and with the most aggressive treatment - IVF, it would be about 10%. We decided not to pursue any treatments.
I was not surprised by the results. I had always suspected it would be difficult for me to conceive because when I was 23 years old, I had a large fibroid which was removed via a myomectomy. At that time, my doctor told me that he recommended I get pregnant 3 months after the surgery. When I told him that was not going to happen, he said, "well don't wait five years". I never really knew why he said that. I just assumed it was in case the fibroids came back. But nevertheless, I had it in my head that I may have missed my chance. And despite the fact that I expected this outcome...something about hearing it confirmed by a fertility specialist brought out so many emotions. I felt defective. And while I had always prepared myself for this news, for the first time, it hit me that this doesn't impact just me. And I felt like I let down DH and his mom. I'm so glad DH already has a son, but I know that deep down he really wanted a little girl. And my MIL was dying for a grand daughter too (she has 3 sons and 1 grandson).
Of course realizing I may never be a mother makes me very sad, but I have to accept what I cannot change because "only when you accept what God wills for you do you find peace." I just believe that God simply has another purpose for me. And while I know we have options like egg donors or adoption, DH and I have chosen not to pursue those options, at least not now. I have my moments, but I am at peace with this.
Now some people say that I need to continue to have hope, and I should try everything because you never know....but its not that I don't have hope - I mean I believe miracles happen and anything is possible - but I rather accept this and move on then to stress myself out and set myself up for dissapointments over and over. If a miracle happens, then GREAT! But if it doesn't, I will be ok.
Now having said all that, while I don't to pursue IVF or other treatments that would put us in a financial hole, I read some success stories about people with diminished ovarian reserve who have been able to conceive. I learned that DHEA has been shown to help improve egg quality and even the number of eggs you produce (see links below). So I just started taking that. If its meant to happen, it will happen. But if not, then as I said earlier, God has another purpose for me....and I will wait patiently until that is revealed to me.
Good luck to all of you on this journey!