NBR: we may be moving

So, DH's job might have us moving from southern California to Salt Lake City.  DH and I are both California born and raised, and we have never lived anywhere other than the SF Bay Area and SoCal, so this could be a very new environment for us.


On the positive side:



  • It's a promotion for DH and the raise they are offering will make the move worthwhile for us.... worthwhile for me to be a SAHM too. (yay!) This was important for us since it will be difficult for me to find a job let alone one that will pay enough to be worth putting Tommy in day care.



  • They will also be offering us money to help with moving (I have no idea how much)



  • Tommy is still very young, so we don't have to worry about taking him out of school or away from friends, etc. Better that we're doing this now than in 6 or 7 years.



  • It's a new adventure and an opportunity to live in a new place, make new friends, etc.



  • The cost of living is much lower than SoCal, so we could potentially afford a pretty nice place to live. 



  • Significantly. Less. Traffic.



  • Both of us have never lived in a climate with snow and have never had a white Christmas. (is this a positive thing?)


On the negative side:



  • Because the company is consolidating the amount of managers they have, if DH doesn't take this promotion, he will be demoted from manager to supervisor with no change in pay. If that happens he will just look for a new job. If he gets a new job it will probably not be with an airline, so we will no longer be able to fly for free. Boo.



  • We are upside down on our mortgage and don't know if we should just sell the house and take the loss (about 20%) or try to rent it out for a while. The thought of renting scares me because that means we may have a period of time where we are paying rent AND a mortgage. 



  • We have no idea how long we will be living there. Our ultimate goal when we first moved to SoCal was to be there for 3 years or so and then move back to the Bay Area... it's been over 6 years now, but we really like Long Beach, so no complaints. We both worry what our options will be if we find Salt Lake City to be miserable for us.



  • I worry that we will have a hard time finding like-minded friends there. I have lived in the LA area for 6 years and I have only just recently begun to make friends on my own who aren't DH's co-workers. I'm sad that we may be leaving such good friends behind.



  • We will be farther away from our families and flying to visit them will be slightly harder to do. (this isn't THAT big a deal)



  • I know this will sound odd, but we both wonder what it will be like living in a place that is so densely populated by white people. We are so used to being around so many different cultures, we often forget that in many places you don't see a lot of mixed marriages or mixed babies. I may be over-thinking that one, but it has definitely crossed my mind. Plus, DH wonders if he will be able to find a decent asian grocery store. :-)


The job offer isn't set in stone yet but it's looking more and more likely that we will be looking for a new place to live this summer. I know that people move all the time, this is just a new thing for us.


If we are friends on FB, I'd really appreciate if you don't say anything about this on there. Nothing has been decided and we'd like to keep it quiet until we know what's going to happen.


Thanks for letting me vent. It feels good to type everything out. Especially since we're both not sleeping much with this looming over us.


Any advice? Any questions we should be asking before we make our decision?


 


 

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 10:30 am
abattyref
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(19) Comments

TigerGirl
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Hmmm.....DH and I have been talking about this a lot recently.  Moving, I mean.  He hasn't even graduated yet, and companies from Texas are already approaching his class wanting them to sign intent letters.  Whoyda thought that HVAC would be THAT desirable?

My major hang-ups: A) Leaving 4 seasons behind.  I love the change of the seasons, warm summers, cool bonfire fall nights, snow at Christmas, watching the trees bud in the spring...B) leaving family.  I've always lived about 2 hours drive time from either my mom or day, but Jacoby is the first grandchild all the way around (and we don't get free flights =P) and I would feel guilty taking him away. 

Being able to afford to be a SAHM would make a lot of my apprehensions go away though.  Plus SLC is pretty Mormon-centric and they tend to be a crunchy lot.  So a lot of your child-rearing beliefs would fit right in. 

I'd be worried about getting a good beer though, I think I've heard that they can only be 3.2% alcohol.  =D

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
shalliwell
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Thats a big move for sure!  I have no advice or anything, my biggest move was 15 minutes away from home!  It can certainly be a call for exciting times!  I do wish you the best of luck in your decision!

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 11:22 am
abattyref
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@Tiger... DH says we'd be leaving four seasons too: summer, inferno, flood and award season. :-D


I have heard there are a lot of crunchy mamas out there, I just hope I don't have to be Mormon to be among them. There's no way I'm going to join a church just to make friends.


 

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
caribear
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Wow... I have mixed feelings on this. :) 


DH and I almost moved to San Antonio in a similar situation.  My biggest suggestion would be to go visit before you make your decision.


My mom lives in UT (a very small town) because they work for the forest service.  And whenever I go visit I fly in SLC, so I will come visit you. :)


So because my mom lives nearby, I just called her.  A few things we can talk about on Saturday... but she did want me to tell you that they do get a heavy inversion layer (smog) a few months of the year.  She compared it to how it used to be here in the 70's.  She also suggested checking out their newspapers... deseretnews.com (more church (LDS) oreinted) and SLTrib.com (more about the town).  She said she would compare SLC to the Valley.  There is a great rapid transit system between SLC and Provo.  And don't forget you can still catch NBA games with the Jazz.  She also loves to tell me that UT is baby-central.  I would think that they are crunchy, like Tiger said, but when we were there last month, it didn't feel that way as much as I expected.


You can get alcohol, but it is from state stores or something like that... and it isn't as easily accessible.  When my mom drives down here she stops in NV on her way home and stocks up. LOL  I'm sure she would pick some up for you too. :)


 

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 11:32 am
TigerGirl
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My best friend in high school was Mormon, I also watched her5 (!) autistic brothers and sisters on occasion, and her family never tried to push anything on me.  That's not the Mormon type.  I tend to think that since they aren't a "run of the mill" religion that they can get a bad rap.  They still socialize outside of the church quite a bit and don't look down on outsiders at all.  I bet you could make some great friends out there.  JMO.  =)

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
jackieg
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after living here, then Dallas, i can safely say we won't be moving again...


cari's rec was good...go visit if you've never been there....still, a visit won't tell you what it's like to really live there....


good thing is nothing in this life is permanent...you can always move back, one way or another!  or on to NORCAL....

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 11:39 am
abattyref
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I have been to SLC, but more than 10 years ago, so it really doesn't count. DH has gone multiple times for work and he seems to think we will be just fine, it'll just take a while to adjust to the different weather. We have a close friend who lives in Park City and DH will probably live with him a couple of days a week while he works before we move. They have Whole Foods Markets but no Trader Joes. :-(


A lot of my friends from high school are Mormon and I never had any issue with it back then. I even dated a Mormon guy for a little while. I don't expect any pressure to join up. I just wonder if it'll be different since it's Mormon-central out there.


The alcohol thing is no biggie since DH doesn't drink and I only do on occasion.


Regarding the crunchiness of the area, I have found a couple of websites for freestanding birth centers and midwives that look pretty awesome... (cuz if we do this move, I'm probably gonna have baby #2 in Utah)


I'm anxious to get more info from DH's boss about this so we can make our decision.

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 11:59 am
jackieg
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oh, we are also renting our house in Dallas...using a property management company...so they take a portion of the monthly rent as a fee, but we really see no option, as they handle repairs, ect, and eviction if necessary....its not like we're across town and could handle things ourselves....

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 12:01 pm
HolyMolyMatrimony
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I am stressed for you lol I would be lost honestly.  You know we only want to move an hour away to just Riverside and Im devistated. BUT then again, we have our jobs and family right here- and we need both. I don't think I can be away from family- more then 1 hour. But sometimes whats 'there' may seem ohh so rewarding. Like a bigger place, being able to be a SAHM, etc. Its a plus you get free flights too though!!!!


Sometimes I just want to DO things like this and be "ballsy"- you only get to live once and it may be awesome to experience things and places lol but then again I love my life HERE, kwim? Have you discussed the "what ifs?" If you guys hated it- would he have a job back here.  More of the pressure is on him since he is head of household.  Or is this a forever thing? I have mixed feelings b/c I want to have a home and be settled and have babies, Im not one for moving around all over the place (out of my area anyway).


I would definitely suggest a FEW trips there over the next few months hands down.  My DH and I keep visiting the area we want to move to- not just to look at houses that we love so dearly, but to eat at their restaurants, shop at their stores, people watch, check out there schools, experience it all.


I would also look into things to do, mommy groups, etc.  I LOVE that in OC/Socal we have awesome stuff to do with kids and get out! Not all places offer opportunities like these.  Fun if your a SAHM!


WOW~ Big time stuff! I know either way you would enjoy the fact that you would be home with T! A huge plus!!!! May be a little stressful to do all this a preggie if your TTC though, kwim?  Would you buy a house out there or rent?


 

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Charmeng
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I also moved from the bay area to Wisconsin. It was definitely a change. I had to learn how to live in snow, which is completely different than trips to Tahoe! Before moving to Wisconsin, DH and I were born and raised in the bay area. We never lived anywhere else. We were high school sweethearts, so we've always had our family close to us at all times. So being in Wisconsin away from that was the biggest change for us.


I'm a SAHM here, and I really don't leave the house at all during all this snow, which was different than when we were visiting CA. When I first moved here, I met some ladies on thenest.com and they became great friends. Finding a group of women to talk to and hang out with was really important.


Funny that you mentioned the whole white population. We live in Madison, which DH likes to call the "Berkeley of the midwest." That being said, there are tons of white people here, which is something we're not used to. At least in terms of restaurants. There aren't that many asian restaurants here, and most of them aren't great. There's one small asian market, and that's it. To be honest, we even drove 2.5 hours to go to Chicago just for dim sum. So food-wise, I know how you feel. We eat a lot more American food here.


I never in a million years would have thought we'd live in Wisconsin. But this has really showed me that DH and I can live anywhere. The people are totally nice out here. Maybe it's the midwest in general? Things are different, but you make due. DD is the first grandchild on both side, so we have to make sure to post pictures and videos on fb for our families. And we do the occasional video chat. It may be daunting, but just wanted to let you know that even though it's scary, it could turn out to be just fine. GL!

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm
abattyref
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Thank you ladies for the supportive words. It's definitely scary and exciting all at once. I read on Wikipedia today that SLC typically has snow from November til April. It's so loooooong! I'm usually wearing flip flops by Feb or March! And I realized today that I have never driven in the snow. Then DH joked that it would be awesome to see Tommy on skis. :-)


We have no idea whether we will buy a house or rent. We are probably leading toward renting, but we just don't know yet. It'll depend on what we decide to do with our house. Thankfully, DH and I have no emotional attachment to our first house and are happy to leave it.


If everything goes to DH's boss' plan, DH will being in the new position by late March/early April. In the beginning he would work 3 days a week in SLC and fly home every week. His boss would like him working in SLC full-time (and us be moved or at least moving) by August.


We will definitely do a few trips out to SLC, especially since we really don't know the area and will want to scout out the suburbs to find a place to live, where the good schools are, etc.


Jamie I am having the same apprehension about going out on our own vs. remaining close to family and friends.


whew!

Posted on January 27, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Lucky16
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DH & I faced a similar situation - or so we thought - about a year ago.  We were pretty convinced that he was going to get the job offer of a lifetime in SLC.  At first, I was really turned off by the thought, but I did a LOT of research online & a LOT of talking to people & ultimately concluded that I thought it'd be a nice place to live.  Yes, the LDS culture does dominate a little more than I'd like, but if I remember right, it's about 50-50 now.  


The city itself is beautiful - the city is nestled between a mountain range that is stunningly beautiful especially when covered with snow and the Great Salt Lake, which is beautiful in & of itself.  Park City is a GREAT little town & it's only about 30-40 min away.  Utah itself is filled with an abundance of natural beauty that's really unlike anywhere else that I've been, so there are lots of places within a few hours to explore.  We started to get really excited about the prospect of moving there.


In the end, the job fell through (darn economy), so we didn't end up going.  I'm not going to lie - we were both pretty disappointed.


There's no question that moving is hard....  We recently moved across country to NC & it's been tough to meet people.  I think it's particularly hard in the pregnancy phase because I can't exactly go join a mommy's group without a baby & I can't exactly hang out with the meetup groups that are going to happy hour or wine tastings all of the time.  It makes for a lot of lonely days & I definitely rely on DH a little bit more than I like.  That said, sometimes you just have to take a chance on something, particularly when there's a good trade off, either for a job or for the chance to be a SAHM.


As a side note, if you're thinking about living apart from DH for awhile, be prepared for it to be harder than you thought it'd be.  DH & I were apart for 3 months when we made the move.  We didn't have the opportunity to travel as much, so we'd go 3-4 weeks at a time without seeing each other.  It was HARD & we didn't even have a kid (or one on the way) then.  It was much harder than we thought it'd be - we'd done it earlier in our relationship before we were married, but it was very different this time around.  I was working full time, trying to sell our house (which means keeping it clean 24x7 for showings), & trying to take care of our very highly energetic lab x.  There were a lot of days that I was just completely overwhelmed. 


I hope that things start to become clearer soon.

Posted on January 28, 2011 at 3:12 am
jackieg
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alex..i just thought, will MIL move with you?

Posted on January 28, 2011 at 3:35 am
abattyref
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@Jackie, No. Friggin. Way. :-D 


One of the stipulations of this job offer was that the money needed to be there so I could be a SAHM. It would not be easy for me to find a job out there in my field. My MIL will go back to her own house.


@Lucky, I have been reading more and more about the area and it's sounding like a place that we're going to really like. As far as living apart for a while, since DH works for an airline, he will just work 3 to 4 days a week in SLC and then fly home every week. So at most we will be apart for a few days.


 

Posted on January 28, 2011 at 4:47 am
abattyref
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Squill, my Etsy store is in progress! It's actully up and running, but I only have a couple of items listed. I am planning to get a few more items up next week and then I'll send out a mass email advertising to friends and family. My damn day job keeps getting in the way!

Posted on January 28, 2011 at 5:19 am
danidabi
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Alex I completely get where you are coming from. DH and I relocated from Victoria BC to Dawson Creek BC which are about 20 hours apart from each other if driving! 


It is so hard moving from a place where you have made friends and have family, then move to a town where you don't know anyone! I have been here for almost 3 years and have finally started making friends with ladies in town. The best piece of advice I can give is to give it time. Our first year sucked here. DH hated his job and the town. We missed out friends and family. We were prepared to go home then but stuck it out and now its feeling more like home. 


We went from a town that never saw snow in the winter. Never saw winter really, winter there was temps of 5 above and some rain:) Now I live somewhere that has snow from October to April and temps during the winter down to -40! I had to trade in my sports car for a AWD SUV. I had to learn to drive in the snow, which one picks up easily when your in it all the time. Its been tough but having a real winter is awesome. You'll have snow on christmas:) There are lots of outdoor activities during the winter like snowmobiling and skiing. I miss wearing flipflops in feb too, but snow boots are really warm and comfy...lol 


Will the company fly you out there for a house hunting trip? My health authority did that for us which was great. We went for a week so it gave us time to find a house but also to check out the city and see what it had to offer. We went thinking that if we disliked it then we could cancel the move and pay them back for the trip which would have been a few thousand, but it would have been worth it to discover that it wasn't for us. 


DH and I found that this more strengthened our relationship ten fold. You come to depend on each other even more since you have no one there for you. I found the days when dan was working terribly lonely since i had nothing to do but I took the opportunity and drove around town checking out the parks and shops. At least you'll have tommy to be with you:)


It is scary moving without a doubt, but think of all the positives that it can bring to your life:) Good luck with it!

Posted on January 28, 2011 at 5:45 am
AMiller
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DH and I both grew up in the same county and we bought a house on the same street he grew up on. The month after we got married he took a promotion that required us to move to South Florida with no end date we just knew he could transfer back when a spot came open. We rented out our house for the two years we were gone and rented an apartment while we were away.


The town we grew up in here and where we lived in South Florida may as well be different states because everyone in Palm Beach is from NY or NJ. It was nice because we were a few hours away from our family and friends. We got to spend a lot of time together as newlyweds. We got to go out and try new restaurants and go new places together. We were homesick at first and visited home a lot at first but then we preferred our new life. It was a lot of fun! We went to the different parks and beaches and enjoying living in a faster paced city.


Now that we have Parker (we moved back into our house when he was about 4 months old) it's nice to be back in our sleepy hometown and closer to our parents. We miss the variety of living in a bigger city and want to go back and visit some of our favorite spots and the friends we made when Parker gets a little older. I really loved the time we had down there and how close it brought us together.

Posted on January 28, 2011 at 6:52 am
Charmeng
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@Squill - Aww, you're too sweet! We're actually hoping to be moving back to the bay area for DH's residency. We find out in March *cross your fingers*

Posted on January 29, 2011 at 6:19 am
WMforever
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that is a big decision! i like the adventure of it so i'd say go for it. you two know it would be temporary and the pluses are such nice pluses (like you being a sahm, being around like minded (as in "crunchy") moms, cost of living etc. The fact that helped me make the same decision (in my case to move to NYC 6 years ago for a job promotion) was that to me, it was temporary. Sadly, six whole years later, i still am here, but it STILL is temporary in my eyes. Who knows, you may love it and want to stay there forever. The worst that can happen is that you absolutely hate it and start counting down the days you move home. But i doubt that will happen. SLC is very pretty and i'm sure there will be some diversity if you seek it. Good luck w/ the decision!

Posted on January 30, 2011 at 10:56 am

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