Need advice....

I'm fairly new to this group and was referred by Odessa.  DH and I are trying to have a baby (I got off BCP in November), but lately he hasn't been able to climax... which obviously is a key ingredient to baby-making.  It could be the pressure or stress that's getting to him but I need to get him out of this rut.  Do any of you have some suggestions on what to do?  Maybe I need to spend more time in the foreplay dept before jumping the gun....I dunno. Any thoughts would be super helpful!!

Posted on February 1, 2010 at 11:16 am
KariDee
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10/03/2009
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(8) Comments

mcbirnie
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09/04/2010
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mcbirnie

Baby making can be incredibly overwhelming.  I have not tried as of yet but my friend went through the same thing last year.  It took them 4 months.


At first she was calling it baby making time, would leave thermometers and tests all around and focused only on making a baby. This stressed him out so bad.  There was no love or sexiness involved anymore.


She started to have sex in fun places, more often, incorporated toys and sexy clothes and focused on him a lot more.  She also didnt make it a big deal.


You know his penis works, its just not listening to him.

Posted on February 1, 2010 at 12:22 pm
joyangela1
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07/23/2010
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joyangela1

Yeah I think you have to make it more about the two of you and probably less about trying to get pregnant.  Sometimes that can be alot of pressure on a man, and I think they could feel like the romance is taken out of it and that its no longer about pleasing each other, but more like a job to get their wife pregnant.  I would definately try to put the romance back into it.  Light some candles, give him a massage, enjoy him and let him enjoy you and don't mention getting pregnant.  Let him see you desire him for him and not his sperm kwim? I think you are right about extending the foreplay as well :) 

Posted on February 1, 2010 at 12:56 pm
amanda6033
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05/15/2010
amanda6033

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amanda6033

agree w/the other girls. Hes prob just stressed that he "has to" preform and that this is all on him. And now that he already hasnt climaxed is added pressure, bc your excpecting him too and he doesnt want to disappoint. (i know i have a child, so its easy for me to say, but obsess about it on your own or to friends, but NEVER bring it up to him.) when hes relaxed and back to his old self, itll happen

Posted on February 1, 2010 at 4:56 pm
odessa33
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05/15/2009
odessa33

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odessa33

I mentioned this to you before but I think the best thing to do is surprise him with a BJ or hand job (whichever you're the most comfortable with) at a time that is no where near baby making time. Don't even let it turn into sex. Let it totally be just about pleasing him sexually. Let him have a release that is for the pure pleasure of it, and not for producing sperm. (although I know part of you will be sad to see that wasted sperm, LOL)  Once you do that a couple of times, you might be back on track when it does come time for baby making again.


I hope it helps. The thing is, once you get on the TTC track he has it in his mind that he's on the spot to perform. Even if you never say anything like "ok I'm ovulating so you need to get your sperm in me" That's what he's thinking. So it's great to not bring it up too much, but that might not make that big of a difference. Actions speak louder than words. Show him that you want him and his body, not just his sperm, and it will eventually sink into his head. Also make sure that he knows it's ok if he can't perform right. I know you know it's ok and not his fault so you assume he will know that. But he probably needs to FEEL that from you.


If he starts having trouble in the middle of DTD, let it go...don't push too hard to try and get him back into it in a desperate attempt to get that sperm in you when you need it. Believe me, I KNOW how hard that is to do. You feel a whole month just slipping by you and you're willing to do anything to get that stuff out of him! But that might add pressure to him. If you let it go when things go south, and tell him it's fine we'll just try anytime you feel like it again, maybe it will help?


Or if you guys are able to or can afford it, could you do a weekend get away? It doesn't even have to be anywhere big. Sometimes just being in a hotel room, away from your normal bed and thermometers, can make a big difference


I think most of us TTC girls have been where you are at one time or another, so try not to get too down about it. I know it's frustrating. Hang in there!

Posted on February 2, 2010 at 1:23 am
KariDee
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KariDee

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KariDee

Thanks so much for the advice!  The thing is, that I've NEVER said "oh it's time, I'm ovulating"...or even refer to it as "baby-making" cause I know how un-sexy that is.  And we do have sex on random days throughout the month, not just during that window of opportunity.  It's kinda like I went off BC (in Nov.) and ever since he's had issues.  My only reference to getting pregnant was saying "I'm not going to take my pills anymore" and he agreed.  So I don't think its me making him feel like I only want his swimmers.


And I've always let it go and never ONCE said anything to him about what's going on, or why isn't it working.  But I think I'll try the lingerie, candles, massage thing this week and see if I can get us going again.  Hell, if I have to come home early from work to set the mood & surprise him, then I will!  LOL.


Thanks again for the insight!! I appreciate it!

Posted on February 2, 2010 at 3:53 am
odessa33
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05/15/2009
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odessa33

yeah, I had a feeling you wouldn't be doing that to him. I never did that to my DH either but they definitely put more pressure on themselves than we ever could!!


 


best of luck!

Posted on February 2, 2010 at 5:58 am
Lallysgirl
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10/10/2010
Lallysgirl

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Lallysgirl

both my babies..were conceived via tequila..worked both times..

Posted on February 16, 2010 at 1:49 pm
BlissfulKate
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10/10/2009
BlissfulKate

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BlissfulKate

LMAO, Lally!!! That worked for many girls from my high school back in the day!

Posted on February 17, 2010 at 4:23 am

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