Need Help Getting My Groom To Set A Date

Hi I'm new today to Project Wedding and I'm excited to be here! So I've been engaged to Mark for almost a year now and have been through some rough times and couldn't get married to him before. Now its time to get married. But now he's feeling like he's not ready yet. But we need to set a date. It must be this year, and before the weather gets bad - because I don't feel like doing it in cold, and I don't want to wait another year til it gets warm. I've already waited longer than I wanted. Does any one have any advice on how I can get him to speed things up in being ready and setting a date? I won't push him, and I've been patient and understanding. I want to get a date out of him without pushing the issue - just very non-chalantly, but enough to get him to speed it up a little. Not having a wedding date is hard in planning for many reasons. Thanks for any advice. 

Posted on June 11, 2014 at 1:59 pm
markandshanni
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10/18/2014
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(7) Comments

Canooknic
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07/19/2013
Canooknic

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 Welcome to Project Wedding! It's always great to have new brides xx

What is it that is stopping him from setting a date? Have you asked him why he's not ready?

As hard as it will be I really wouldn't recommend getting married until he is 100% behind it! regardless of how much you want it.  If you have to wait until next year at least you'll know that he's as happy as you are and you can focus on making your day perfect instead of battling with any uncertainty that he might have, and you'll be amazed how quickly that year will fly by when you're trying to get everything planned!

good luck !!

Posted on June 11, 2014 at 3:15 pm
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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Uhlease

 Welcome! And I agree with Canooknic...as hard as it is to wait, it is probably a much better idea to wait until he is fully ready before setting a date. Sorry to say, but definitely ask him what his reservations are. THat can help lead to an open and honest discussion about where things are going. 

Posted on June 11, 2014 at 5:33 pm
markandshanni
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markandshanni

 Oh no, misunderstood. He wants to, I have the go ahead to plan - he is completely on board. I know what it is and its reasonable. Its just an internal conflict in himself he wants to get down a little before we get married. He won't tell me what it is and I respect that. Aside from the wedding - I care that he does this for his own sake, because that's part of loving and supporting our future spouses (and I treat our relationship now with the love and respect as if we're already married) I have completely dwindled down discussion of wedding details and his issues, so that they don't interfere with it. Its just that there's just need to speed things up a wee bit in setting the date, otherwise agreed - it just can't wait til next year. 

Posted on June 11, 2014 at 6:17 pm
Canooknic
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Canooknic

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 Have you looked at venues to see when they're available? Maybe a conversation of "xxx is available on Saturday 20th, would you like to come and look at it with me to see if it's somewhere you like?"

It is getting quite late in the year to find somewhere so there is a chance that you would still have to wait until next year, but at least it's getting the ball rolling!!

Posted on June 11, 2014 at 6:33 pm
markandshanni
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markandshanni

That's what I thought too - a few weeks down the road, assuming a date, we're getting married here in our back yard. I already have kind of set a tentative date and seeing if later he rolls with it when he's more ready. I think he's trying to cut down on drinking (even though he drinks only 1-2 times a month - he's a truck driver who can't drink on the road, so he saves a day or two when he's home to drink and unwind), and smoking first and get used to the idea of my wild girls whom he'll be stepdad/dad to. And he's trying to get a local job. Like I said, all legitimate reasons - he's trying to prepare, not run away or anything. 

Posted on June 11, 2014 at 9:13 pm
Kuppy13
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09/05/2014
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 Welcome!  I guess I'm not sure where the conflict is, I don't mean to be rude or blunt but no matter what the problem is big or small it needs to be completely gone before you say I do. Resentment is a hard thing to get over and if all he needs is another year until he feels complete then it seems like an easy price to pay. He may resent being rushed and it may push him away one day.  I understand the excitement and the impatience, but married or not you still have each other until the big day.  And anyone can say they are married, but few people in this world can say they have truly found their other half. Good luck, keep us posted on how it all turns out. 

Posted on June 12, 2014 at 7:41 am
Sammy_D
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09/10/2011
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Kuppy said it perfectly - any kind of reservation, whether it's to do with actually being married or other things he wants to resolve first - need to be handled first and both of you need to feel 100 percent ready and committed or there will be problems later. And as much as you tell yourself that he is ready, if somewhere inside you are wondering about whatever this is, since he's not told you, you will have doubts that will continue to creep up. We see it here all the time - as brides get closer and closer to the big day and things get much more stressful, lots of doubts and worries crop up and most of the time it's just pre-wedding jitters but if you really have questions about his his headspace you need to make certain they are resolved before you say I DO or it's going to put a cloud over everything.

Waiting another year feels like forever, (I know, my engagement was nearly 5 years!) but it's so worth it when you know you two are exactly on the same page and the anticipation makes it that much sweeter :) Plus - having extra time to plan everything PERFECTLY is never a bad thing!

Good luck and welcome, welcome to PW!! We are always here with advice and opinions :)

Posted on June 12, 2014 at 8:21 am

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