Need to uninvite a guest

Okay so I had been wondering how to deal with this and had just been putting it off in the small chance it never came to light..  but, it did.  And now I need to uninvite a guest.  Well uninvite someone who received an Save the Date, but not an invite, and who's now asking where her invite is.


Backstory.. this girl is FI's ex-roommate's ex-girlfriend.  The ex-roommate is also one of FI's groomsmen.  They had a nasty break-up, not amicable at all.  I was friends with her while they were still together, and stayed friendly with her after they broke up.  We were never great friends, we hung out occasionally here and there but mostly chatted by e-mail.  She is a nice girl and hasn't done anything wrong really.


But, I haven't seen her in nearly a year.  I think we last got together for a brief dinner in Sep or Oct of last year.  The last time we communicated via e-mail was in February.  I only sent her an STD because she e-mailed in February talking about wanting to come to the wedding and at the time I figured why not?  At that point it had only been 4-5 months since we last saw each other.


Well FI's GM isn't happy about her coming, his new gf isn't happy about it either, and I haven't seen this girl in so long now.  She hasn't contacted me since Feb to ask how I'm doing or anything.  Why should we pay $200+ for her and a guest to come to the wedding only to have people stressing out and upset with me for inviting her. 


So I really don't want her to come.  She just texted me this morning asking if she should have received her invitation by now.


I look to the future and don't see us hanging out ever again after the wedding, seeing as it's been nearly a year since we last saw each other and we don't even communicate by e-mail anymore.  Her lack of contact with me over the past few months is making me wonder if she just wants to come to show off her new boyfriend in front of her old boyfriend..   I don't want a bunch of awkwardness and stress at my wedding, esp with someone who isn't even a close friend. 


Bad, huh!?   FI told me it was okay if I blamed his GM for not wanting her to come and that he's upset about it, but I need advice on what to do or say!?

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 9:00 am
mauiluv
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(14) Comments

jharks
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Well.... though it is not etiquette, I would say if you don't think you are ever going to see her again, and don't really care about her, then maybe just ignore her? I know that is bitchy. The proper thing to do, so you don't look like the bitch though, would be for your groomsman to call this girl and tell her the real reason why she is not going to get an invite. Or make FI do it. Don't let them put you on the spot for a decision that wasn't your idea.

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 9:13 am
Sarahinwonderland
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Sarahinwonderland

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Yeah there really is no way around it now. You will have to be the bad guy, I agree with harkins. Just ignore her.

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 9:16 am
TNTobler
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Ultimately you have to think about how you will feel on your wedding day. If you will even stress a little about her being there, then she shouldn't be invited. Hell you don't want her there anyway, and technically you didn't invite her in the first place; you just shared with her that you and your FI are to be married. As of right now, you have the relationship with the GM, not the ex. I agree that she wants to throw the new man of the hour in his face, and that seems more important to her than celebrating your marriage. No need to have someone else's drama to cast a shadow on your day.


You can text her back that unfortunately she will not be receiving an invitation. It should be obvious to her that considering her history with the GM, that it may not be appropriate that she attend. Good Luck!

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 9:17 am
abattyref
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I like the idea of asking your FI to talk to this girl. Since the ex is FI's groomsman, I think he should talk to her and be polite in saying, "I know this sucks, but my GM and his gf have asked that you not be there to prevent any bad feelings and stress. We're sorry, but we can't send you an invitation." Putting all the blame on the GM and his girlfriend is totally cool.


It's a bad situation all around and I don't think there's an option that will make everyone happy. Do your best and put it behind you. Good luck!

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 9:18 am
kells76
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I would tell her that unfortunately due to money concerns, or venue size, or whatever, you had to cut your guest list. Apologize and act like you care and how awful it was to cut so many and you just can't stand to not have her there...blah blah.


I personally think it is rude of her to ask where her invite is.


Good luck.

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 9:40 am
ceejaydee7
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wow.


im tryna think what i would do.. honestly your FI had a good idea to just put the blame on his GM. it only seems right.. and not out of the ordinary. i would use that and just think of a good way to explain it.. short and easy. if shes a B about it.. oh well.. like you said.. you dont see yourself being around her in the future. so it shouldnt matter.


best of luck.. and dont stress!

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 9:56 am
SunsetHawaiiWeddings
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SunsetHawaiiWeddings

Tell her you have all your places filled and thank her for checking in. Wish her well with her life.

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 10:59 am
SunsetHawaiiWeddings
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SunsetHawaiiWeddings

if she continues to call tell her we have all our guest spots filled up. Thank you for checking in and wish her well with her life again...


 


if she continues tell her it is not appropriate for you to have her as a guest with other situations involved. ( at this point she is asking for it ) wish her well with her life for the last time....

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 11:01 am
BudgetDesignerFloral
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BudgetDesignerFloral

I would use the guest list is full, money is tight excuse. If you don't know her that well, you really aren't even obligated to respond to a "where is my invite" request. I'm sorry, there is no easy way to do this.


-Leann
Budget Designer Florals
leann@budgetdesignerflorals.com

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 11:05 am
kpn
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hiya! I agree with Kells76 - email - since that is where you guys mainly communicate with each other.  Yeah it sucks, but it would suck more ignoring her.  What if she is a person who would really feel hurt, yadda yadda yadda, but just think of bad ju ju...don't ignore her -just em her. 

I have decided not to invite ANY work friends b/c of ONE that I didn't want to invite and it makes my life much simpler by saying NO to all...Now I just have to deal with a friend who will more than likely want to bring her daughter as a guest - and i dont want her there!!!

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 11:08 am
AMiller
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Tell her due to budget constrants you had to change to a more intimate wedding with only close friends and family and you hope she'll understand.

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 11:59 am
mauiluv
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mauiluv

Thank you girls!!!  This board is the best :)


I'm going to stick with an e-mail response since that seems to be our main form of communication.. asking where her invite was even came by text, so I won't feel bad responding via e-mail.


Thank you for your support in this!!


 

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 1:25 pm
MissQnomore
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whoa sorry so late on this.  i agree with the ladies.  GL mauiluv!!

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 5:22 pm
sept20bride
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wow! thats a weird one but I agree with the rest of the girls either ignore or send a nice email sayiing one reason or another.


For some reason U say wedding and people come out of the wood work. FI and i have been dealing with the whole well is so and so invited lately. we have a 200 person guest list and friends and family are asking y can't we just invite this person.


I never thought people would be begging to go to a weddding (especially ours) but people do. It sounds like u will do with out her. No hard feelings and hope u never see her again. HTH

Posted on July 11, 2008 at 8:13 pm

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