Need to vent....

I have this friend who I was very close with from elementry school up until about two years ago, which is about 14 years.  We have become distant and its feels like since I got engaged we have become more distant.  Our friendship just has not been the same.  I cant pinpoint why.  I think it might be that I grew up alittle faster than she and now have more responsibility's than she.  Anyhow I asked her to be apart of the wedding party, since we were very close at one point.  We have not hung out lately unless I made the phone calls and made the plans.  I have been asking her to do things with me and my fiance and her boyfriend, who I also have known forever.  It seems like she keeps blowing me off.  I have decided to not contact her to make plans anymore and see how long it takes her to call me to do something. Is this catty?  Cant people just be happy for others any more????


Anyway my question is anyone having an uneven wedding party by two people, since it may come to that for me?  This sucks... What the hell did I do to her is what I would like to know? 

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 5:34 am
Chrissy
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(11) Comments

jharks
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jharks

Ours is uneven by 1. I don't think it is a bad thing to see if she feels the need to call you. I would still include her in the emails/invites you send to the other bridesmaids though.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 5:38 am
its.nicsknack
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its.nicsknack

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I don't think bridal parties should be even for the sake of appearance.  It is more important to be surrounded by people that love and support you.  Standing at your side should be the ladies in your life that mean the utmost to you. 


Sometimes people drift apart.  If this person means something to you, talk to her.  Tell how you feel.  Tell her that you feel you've been making all the effort.  Her response will indicate where she stands in the friendship. 


Good Luck!

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 5:59 am
Chrissy
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Thanks will try, but she just blows evertyhting off like its nothing and if its not about her forget it...She is just a selfish person.  Damn Leo's

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:06 am
jharks
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Well then maybe it is time to say to her, look I feel like I am trying to include you in everything and have you be a part of my day and my life, and it seems like you are uninterested in both. If you are no longer into being a bridesmaid, that is fine, just tell me now. If you are no longer into this friendship, that is fine too." make her make the decision.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:12 am
MissQnomore
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HEY I'm a Leo....LOL.  No actually Chrissy, I could have easily written every word of this post.  I feel you.  Except I decided to not include my friend in the BP and now she's trash-talking me all over town and grilling my bridesmaids to see what made me choose them over her.  Some friend huh?  It really is weird too b/c she's kept in touch and even b/c better friends with some girls from our group..and we've drifted apart.


Since I can't pinpoint why I've just chalked it to three things 1) she's envious of the fact that i'm marrying my HS sweetheart (who mind you....she knows really well and whom I've heard she's also trash talking) and 2) friendships change and both have to work at it to not drift apart and 3) i'm so GD tired of being the one who reaches out.


Conclusion?  Well I've decided to let this friendship go.  I've felt guilty for the last week or so b/c of it but at this point she just causes me more heartache than joy.  And why the HELL would I want someone up there with me who isn't wholeheartedly happy for me, as I would be for her.


Like Nic said....decide if this friendship still means something to you, and if it does talk to her, if not.. I say let it go...


(Sorry I kind of commandeered your post...)

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:14 am
Chrissy
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No I am glad other people can relate...You know you just said something I have been thinking about for a long time... I think its time to just "let it go"  I did actually once before but then I was a sucker and drunk text ed her one day that I missed her.  Then she came back but only when, once again, I called her.. I think it is time and this time I have to stick to my guns about this..  It just feels like over time I am losing more and more friends.  It doesn't make sense though to hold on to something that's not there right? Oh well I guess another one bites the dust :(:( LOL

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:23 am
Sarahinwonderland
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I am going through the same thing. I believe that people just grow apart and you really just need to accept it. There a lot of reasons people can move apart.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:36 am
MissQnomore
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I totally get it.  And you're right, as we grow and have more responsibilities and our lives begin to look very different from when we were teenagers or younger 20's...some friends cannot make the transitions.  Does it suck? Hell ya!  I could cry right now thinking about this friendship.  Because we have had really good times together.  But she's not being the kind of friend I need, nor has she been for a while.  And even if she's mad at me for one reason or another, she should voice it with me...i shouldn't have to seek her out and make her explain what's going on with her.  I'm not a mind reader.  And really, aren't we grown women who should be past all this?  That's why over time I've realized that I'm not willing to put in that type of energy for a person who only half-heartedly (at best) gives me anything.


It's also sad b/c should I continue to reach out, there's potential that we could maintain a fairly decent relationship, but again, I just am not willing to put in 80% of the work for a friendship.  It just doesn't work for me anymore.  And there are friends whom I've had changes with over time, we used to be super close and now we aren't as close, but it's more b/c of circumstances (she lives farther away, she now has a husband and 2 kids)....but, i was willing to put in the work b/c she always gives me her full happiness and attention when we're together (wow i sound like a true leo there heh).  i was so devestated when our friendship changed from BFF to occasionally hanging out.  but she was worth it to me to hold onto even if i had to change and our friendship had to change.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:38 am
Chrissy
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Are you reading my mind Miss Q?  Holy crap you saved me alot of typing... Thats just what it is I am so sick of putting in 90% with this one and getting back barely 10%.  Its sucks but time is def up for her...

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:49 am
MissQnomore
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LOL I guess this just means that it's common to go through this type of thing.  Which is in a way reassuring but also depressing at the same time.  Glad I could offer some validation of what you're feeling.  We'll get through it!  But there is definitely a grieving period for anything that ends...so be prepared to feel some emotions.  But it sounds like you're doing a healthy thing...


So sorry you have to go through this = (

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:53 am
Chrissy
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Yes, sorry for you too.. def alot of emotions flowing all around.  Your right though we will get through it.  Good luck and much happiness to you.... :) 

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 7:25 am

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