Newly engaged with a problem already!

Hello all! I am a newby as I just got engaged last week (after 8 long years together and the recent birth of our first child!). We have not chosen a date yet, let alone any details, really just enjoying the engagment. BUT, I'm getting antsy, and am ready to get rolling. 


 


I have a dilemma though and hoping for some advice. I have my moh and maids in mind, however I have a problem that I am not sure there is any fix to. I want to ask one of my sisters-in-law (my brother's wife) that I am really close to (I was a maid in her wedding) and one of my future SIL (my FI's sister) that I am also very close with. PROBLEM: My other brother's wife and my FI's other sister I am not very close with but feel I can't ask the other SIL's without asking them as well. This is terrible but, my brothers wife that I don't want to ask, I was her MOH in her wedding a few years ago. She has NO family and really had NO friends. We had only met ONCE and so when she asked me of course I said yes. They live far from me  and we have only been together in the same place maybe 5 whole days of our lives! And my FI's other sister, we are just not that close either. 

So tell me, would I be the worst person in the world to not ask them? I really want my wedding party to be people who are super special to me, not because of feeling bad. Is there anything that I could ask them to be to be a part of it all without being a super insult?

I'm totally at a loss here! HELP!! Thanks all! I'm excited to join the project wedding world!


 


-Crystal 

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 3:22 am
CrystalLeigh143
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05/31/2014
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(11) Comments

rigormort
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10/27/2012
rigormort

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rigormort

It is your wedding. You want people that mean the most to you standing there with you. It would be hard, but you need to ask the people that are close to you and your FI and that mean the most to you guys.


 


Good Luck!

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 3:26 am
zeuster
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11/01/2011
zeuster

zeuster

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zeuster

No, ask who you want. But if you think it will cause family drama you could always give them something else to do. You could ask them to help plan a shower, invite them to bacholrette party, read a special poem at the ceremony, be in charge of stuff on the day of making sure the decor all gets to the destination and done the way you want there are a ton of little things that you can ask them to do. Or you could just have them be guests.

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 3:32 am
janandgerald
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03/26/2016
janandgerald

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janandgerald

I agree with the other ladies, have one do a reading, one could be your lady in waiting, or hand out the programs. Good luck!

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 3:36 am
NicoleJuliette
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11/12/2011
NicoleJuliette

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I was MOH in my cousins wedding but I didn't have her in mine. Instead I talked with her privately and explained the situatuion and asked if should would be a part of our ceremony, she brought up the gifts at mass. Maybe there is some way you can include these two? (only if you want of course!) I also included her by asking her to come to my bachelorettte party, rehersal dinner and other events. She understood and everything worked out just fine.


Just like zeuster said, maybe you can include them by asking them to help with other things.

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 3:40 am
mrswolter
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11/16/2013
mrswolter

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mrswolter

It is YOUR wedding!!! You will always regret not having the most important people standing up there with you. My mom said to me a few times that I should have my fiance's sister be in my bridal party but we are just not close AT ALL. She has made no effort to be friends with me and is just sort of a cold person. There was no way I was asking her to be in my bridal party, I don't care if she's going to be my future sister-in-law. I would regret that decision forever if she was in it! And my fiance doesn't even care, he knows we're not close and he knows his sister isn't a warm person. So, there is no argument.


Do not bend on your day. I have had a few family members arguing with me about my dress decision, my flowers, my wedding music, my cake, my wedding colors, EVERYTHING...it's gotten to the point now that I have cut my family out and I am making every decision about my wedding on my own! My mom is a momzilla for sure. Be strong girl! ?

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 3:47 am
jmbuss9
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07/22/2012
jmbuss9

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jmbuss9

Hello, welcome to project wedding! Congratulations on getting engaged! And I agree with the other ladies, it is YOUR wedding. Don't feel like you have to ask her to be in the wedding just because you were MOH in hers. She choose that. And no its your turn to choose who you want.

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 4:17 am
CrystalLeigh143
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05/31/2014
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CrystalLeigh143

Thanks ladies! Still not sure exactly what I will choose to do, but I really appreciate the response. It's going to be hard explaining my decision, but I think you're all right. I need to pick who I WANT and not who I feel that I NEED to. I think I needed other people to tell me I'm not the biggest b*tch in the world by doing so :) Thanks!! 


 

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 4:22 am
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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Uhlease

Welcome to PW Crystal! You found the right place for questions like these. That is in no way an easy conversation to have-but I think you will feel better about it if you do. I definitely agree about having only people you want up there with you! Your FI can explain to his sister (he agrees with you, right? How does he feel about it?) and with your brother's wife, you can explain to him the situation. It may seem like people will feel hurt, but they should understand :)

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 8:28 am
nenyibabs
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04/20/2013
nenyibabs

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nenyibabs

Trust me on this;you and only you decides who comes in and who does what. At the end of the day, you will be left with your wedding pictures, and you dont want to have a sour taste in your mouth when you look at it. Its always better to apologise later than to regret it for ever.


I had a problem in my own wedding; I let my family over-run the photographer and the official order of pictures. Now, I have a pile of pictures of people I dont really want to see, and the pictures I wanted, I didnt get. Its so sad..

Posted on April 24, 2013 at 9:02 am
MnP2013
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04/18/2014
MnP2013

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MnP2013

i say its your wedding and if you think it would be less stress not having them in the wedding party go ahead and not include the ones that will add stress! as suggested before by someone else, you can always have them be in charge of something, maybe help you all get ready the day of?

Posted on April 26, 2013 at 7:31 am
KimandByron
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04/25/2015
KimandByron

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KimandByron

I agree with the other ladies. Ask who you want. Don't feel pressured into asking others. I have 5 sisters and I am only having 2 of them in my WP

Posted on April 26, 2013 at 4:41 pm

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