NWR: Ex-bf found me...when to tell fi??

UGH!!! so like with a gajillion people, i am on myspace and facebook - i use it to keep in touch with friends who live far, friends who hve kids and dont really have time to update us with daily convos etc...

well, an ex-bf sent me a message last night "i miss you and will always love you" wth??

this was my response:

hey~

i sometimes wondered how i would feel if i ever saw you on the street and wondered what i would say to you... wondered what i would say to you after my initial "hey how ya doin" politeness wore off... and now that i have the chance, all i can say is thank you...


thank you for showing me how a man is not supposed to treat a woman

thank you for lying to me

thank you for disrespecting me

thank you for cheating on me

thank you for making me feel like i was a piece of **** and that i was not good enough for you

thank you for degrading me by telling me i needed "work"

thank you for mistaking my kindness for weakness

thank you taking advantage of my niceness


i dont wish you bad - but i dont wish you well - i guess you can say im apathetic...


and dont lie to me or yourself--- you didnt really "love" me and for sure you never "had love" for me in the buddy/homie way... b/c people dont treat other people they love the way you did me - regardless if it's a best friend, significant other or family... but it's all water under the bridge and i've forgiven you; more importantly i've moved on from being "that" girl...


frankly i dont know that i even loved you the way that a woman is supposed to love her man --- looking back - i think i loved the idea of me and you... i liked the idea of making something work; and i thought my "love" would change you from the liar and cheater that you showed me you were...maybe it was just a bad addiction - who knows??

in all honesty - let's just call our relationship for what it was - a one night stand that lasted years...


all i know is that it took me letting you go to finally be the woman i was afraid to be around you - strong, defiant, sometimes indignant, but most of all fearless...fearless to be alone; fearless to be on my own; fearless to love myself enough to stop taking your ****...


and now i'm settling down and starting a family with someone who God put in my path after i started to love myself - someone who respects me; someone who truly and unconditionally loves me in every meaning of that word...


so now i'm going to say thank you again~~


thank you in advance for erasing me from your memory

thank you in advance for forgetting i ever entered your life

most of all - thank you in advance for never contacting or attemping to contact me again...


your mom was right - i was too good for you.


i'm out...
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 5:02 am
d1rtymart1n1
20
12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

d1rtymart1n1

  • 20
  • 16
  • 32.2k
537
Followers
538
Following

(24) Comments

d1rtymart1n1
20
12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

d1rtymart1n1

  • 20
  • 16
  • 32.2k
537
Followers
538
Following

d1rtymart1n1

so i want to tell my fh of course, but he's been in a p!ssy mood since thursday... and telling him this would completely send him into "alpha male 'do you need me to take care of this for you' " behaviour... and frankly i can take care of it myself - i think i just did actually...

is this when "no time is a good time" applies???

i wanted to tell him this morning, but he's gonna be at softball tourney all day so maybe tonight???

any thoughts ladies???
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 5:04 am
champagnecholly
4
09/19/2008
champagnecholly

champagnecholly

  • 4
  • 12
  • 2.33k
117
Followers
122
Following

champagnecholly

Wow! Well what awkward timing. Well my FI has always been apprehensive about the people I dated before him, esp one in particular who despite sounding perfect on paper treated me like dirt and quietly went out with other women. When I caught him red handed in the vip section of a nightclub, he was on the other side with two homely trashy girls (I was there with one of my wonderful, gay guy friends) he told me it was because he was catholic and put me on a pedestal of purity or some rubbish... Anyways from what you wrote to your ex it sounds like he was pretty nasty to you too. I say this because if you shared with your FI what a bad person he was, and how lucky you are to have a person who treats you well, I don't think it would upset him at all. Especially knowing you told your ex to bugger off because you've got someone wonderful in your life. It may cheer him up to hear how much you appreciate everything he is and everything he does for you.
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 5:13 am
Chica
4
08/10/2008
Chica

Chica

  • 4
  • 10
  • 2.64k
132
Followers
135
Following

Chica

Why do exes always want to pop back in your like when your happy??? You had your chance and you f****** up, so don't try to come back after I left your a*** and found someone else!!!! Haha. This also happened to me and I just didn't mention to FI, b/c my man would find him and whoop his a**, I just ignored him. But if you are able to tell him, go for it. He may be upset, but at least you'll get it out.
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 5:53 am
kells76
3
10/04/2008
kells76

kells76

  • 3
  • 6
  • 641
23
Followers
28
Following

kells76

I wouldn't tell. He is a past memory, keep him there. ;)
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 6:25 am
TheChicBride
5
08/28/2010
TheChicBride

TheChicBride

  • 5
  • 9
  • 5.99k
24
Followers
27
Following

TheChicBride

These things have a way of coming back and biting you in the a$$ if you keep this a secret from him.

He may get ticked off at first, but believe me, he would probably be even more ticked if he somehow found out that you kept this from him.

Also, just tell him that yes you responded to him, but that basically you told him to "f" off.

This is my advice. DH and I have been married for almost 6 years and he has sometimes been less than forth coming and it has put a strain on our relationship. Just tell him the truth and soon.

This is just my advice from being an old married lady...hehe
HTH,

Michelle
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 6:41 am
jersey
2
04/25/2008
jersey

jersey

  • 2
  • 3
  • 432
5
Followers
9
Following

jersey

Did you date my ex.....LMAO lol....anyway I would show him instead of telling him,when he sees the way he messaged you and the way you responded he will see you told him to f off....unless he is the type of guy who would say why did you even respond...you know your FI more then any of us,I do know however that there are two type of men when it comes to exs...one is the guy who would laugh and say "what a loser" and the other is the one who said why even bother writing back.you have to ask yourself,what one is he.....
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 8:42 am
*Wil*
3
03/25/2008
*Wil*

*Wil*

  • 3
  • 9
  • 1.67k
87
Followers
88
Following

*Wil*

I love that response. Way to go for letting him know!

I agree with chic. You need to tell him. I bet if you showed him th response he would be proud of you.

Now just block him :)
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 9:46 am
prbetsi75
3
05/08/2010
prbetsi75

prbetsi75

  • 3
  • 11
  • 1.79k
77
Followers
80
Following

prbetsi75

Dirty, sounds my like ex too...who I was with for 11 years! But despite what we went through in those relationships, and the years we lost, we're better women because of them.

Anyhow, as far as telling him....that's a tough one. I would say, don't tell him....that's not to say you should keep it from him. If one day he asks, you tell the truth...that your ex contacted you and you took care of it. You handled it. I just don't think all things need to be said when it comes to your past. Your ex is part of YOUR past. If YOU contacted him then I could see why that is something you should tell him, but you didn't. If he's the jealous type...don't tell him. Some men can't handle it...and he'll start wondering all the time now who else is contacting you on myspace or if your ex is going to contact you again blah blah.

However, if you're dead set on telling him, then say it in a very non-chalant way. If you make it a big deal, he may think there's feelings still there. I don't know. That's just my opinion. Men are funny beings...and even though all we women here think your response was AWESOME, he may think that your message was full of a lot of emotion, even if it was negative emotion....do you know what I mean?

Good luck and let us know how it turns out!
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 10:28 am
FutureMrsCav
3
07/05/2008
FutureMrsCav

FutureMrsCav

  • 3
  • 4
  • 593
8
Followers
12
Following

FutureMrsCav

Tell your FI,you don't want him finding out another way and being upset he didn't hear it from you. Ex's and their crap. I had an ex like that he tried to win me back the first two years of FI and my relationship.
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 1:04 pm
d1rtymart1n1
20
12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

d1rtymart1n1

  • 20
  • 16
  • 32.2k
537
Followers
538
Following

d1rtymart1n1

you girls are the best!!!

it was never my intention not to tell fh; i was just trying to figure out the "right" time to tell him - and how to tell him...

so here's what went down:

right after i logged off this morning, i immediately called him and told him..

i was expecting: either "do you want me to take care of it" or "why did you even message him back"

instead what i got was "oh ok - cool"

me: "do you want me to send you my respnse back to him"

him: "nah - i know how you can be when you're making your point... that sucka probably hasnt picked up him mouth off the floor"



then just about 30 minutes ago, he says to me: "you know - i can understand why he wanted to reach out to you, he's probably had a bad run with skanks and realizes now what a good person he had in you... if he messages you back - tell him thanks from me" omg! hahahaha
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 3:21 pm
chowbaby
3
08/16/2008
chowbaby

chowbaby

  • 3
  • 4
  • 523
13
Followers
17
Following

chowbaby

So glad that went over well with the FI, and bravo for that response--I have a few exs I could send that letter to... ;) Good on ya, as they say here.
Posted on May 17, 2008 at 7:55 pm
AMiller
5
09/13/2008
AMiller

AMiller

  • 5
  • 15
  • 7.91k
371
Followers
375
Following

AMiller

The letter was so great! The words cut right to the core... It's something oyu always wish you could say and prob feels good to get it off your chest. Congrats on it going over well with your FI.
Posted on May 18, 2008 at 1:54 am
d1rtymart1n1
20
12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

d1rtymart1n1

  • 20
  • 16
  • 32.2k
537
Followers
538
Following

d1rtymart1n1

ugh--- dorkus ex-boyfriendus just replied...

"i'm glad you got the closure you needed. i dont have any bitter feelings like you though"

how do i block this mo-fo??

he's so annoying - what did i ever see in this clown??
Posted on May 18, 2008 at 10:42 am
ceejaydee7
3
01/01/2016
ceejaydee7

ceejaydee7

  • 3
  • 3
  • 767
28
Followers
32
Following

ceejaydee7

omg! you GO GIRL! hahaha loved the message to him as the other girls said! glad everything worked out.. and just set your profile to private!
Posted on May 18, 2008 at 10:56 am
LindsayGreen
1
02/13/2008
LindsayGreen

LindsayGreen

  • 1
  • 2
  • 119
5
Followers
9
Following

LindsayGreen

Yeah, I don't know how to block him, but you can just ignore him at this point.
I'm glad you told him how it is though! Your message was awesome. I'm sure your FI was proud.
Posted on May 18, 2008 at 11:02 am
FutureMrsCav
3
07/05/2008
FutureMrsCav

FutureMrsCav

  • 3
  • 4
  • 593
8
Followers
12
Following

FutureMrsCav

I'm glad everything worked out d1rty:)Just block the sob and concentrate on your upcoming wedding:)
Posted on May 18, 2008 at 11:38 am
d1rtymart1n1
20
12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

d1rtymart1n1

  • 20
  • 16
  • 32.2k
537
Followers
538
Following

d1rtymart1n1

how amazing is my fh??

after i told him about the 2nd message back to me, i told him i was just going to delete my myspace account...

fh laughed and told me not to - why should i allow idiot boy to dictate what i do?? instead, fh told me to make my profile public (it's always been set as private) to show idiot boy just how far i've moved on and how great our life is like now...

men and their egos! hahahahaha
Posted on May 18, 2008 at 5:53 pm
happy_girl
1
12/07/2009
happy_girl

happy_girl

  • 1
  • 2
  • 47
3
Followers
7
Following

happy_girl

I think you should tell your FI if he does know about this guy.
Posted on May 18, 2008 at 7:05 pm
WMforever
15
06/14/2009
WMforever

WMforever

  • 15
  • 13
  • 15.5k
90
Followers
93
Following

WMforever

dang girl! you told him! right on!
Posted on May 19, 2008 at 4:56 am
Chica
4
08/10/2008
Chica

Chica

  • 4
  • 10
  • 2.64k
132
Followers
135
Following

Chica

You can definetely block him. Under your profile settings, there is an option to block certain accounts and you can enter his myspace profile there. I can't log onto myspace from work, but when I get home, I'll log on and repost exactly how to do it.
Posted on May 19, 2008 at 6:13 am
« 1

Have a question? Contact Support
Top Contributors this Week
LauraSweet
79 posts
Canooknic
70 posts
lorna247
46 posts
jmbuss9
41 posts
krosa
33 posts
Uhlease
25 posts