nwr-Feeling Super STUPID
So, Im an engineer and there is a licensing test that we have to take to become a professional. Its our equivalent of the Bar for lawyers. Its a two day yest, with 8 hours of testing on each day. Super hard and rigorous. I have now taken it twice and FAILED both times. During the mist of all this test taking, my then boyfriend proposed, moved about 500 miles away for work for a year, and I planned a wedding for 250 people. I understand that all of these things were working against me and I should not be surprised that i failed, but I am. I felt so confident after both test. Felt really good and new most of the answers. I was in SHOCK when I got my results that I failed.
To make matters worse, DH took the test a year ago and passed it on his first try. Now, he didn't have to deal with as much stuff as I did (in fact I was there to support him. Made him food after a long study sess and made sure he had everything), but I feel like I should have passed at least one section (there are 3 sections)!! I feel so down and out and not smart. I know that its a hard test and a lot of people fail, but I don't know any of them. All of my colleagues and friends have passed it and I studied more than all of them. In fact, they came to me for help. There is no logical reason why they are able to pass it and Im not.
Why cant i pass this thing?? I feel so dumb and inferior to everyone its making me sick. I keep doubting myself and feel like I will never pass. I don't know what else to do to prepare for this damn thing. I just keep thinking of an old episode of Greys Anatomy where a girl came into the psych ward because she kept hurting herself before the Bar Exam. She had failed it like 15 times and was loosing her mind. This is going to be me!!
Sorry for the long vent and dramatic ending. Just had to let it out! Thanks!