NWR: SIL is leaving my Brother.

i just don't know how to deal or feel at the moment and I guess I am still in sticker shock mode...but I just got a text from my SIL saying check your myspace and I logged in to read that she is leaving my brother.  My family is one of those weird families with all the worst case scenarios you could ever think of happening? happened to my family....EvERYTHING.


I knew something wasn't right when I called for the last 2 weeks and no answers back and then all of a sudden they weren't coming to the reunion.  She said it was her choice, but she just didn't feel like they were in a marriage and I know that has to be hard to deal with...she asked me to call or em my brother, and I am worried for him.  He is a great guy, a wonderful father to his son, but I know he has to "grow up" slightly (but what guy doesn't sometimes). I am just so worried he is going to go in deep depression.  he lives in a city where none of our family is.  he left for the army when he was 19 and when he was 30 he kinda resurfaced.  Our childhoods (all 4 of us).. wasn't the best and so I know it is easy for him to turn away then turn to someone and ask for help..


I don't know what to do and now it's really hit me that he is alone up there.


TIA...:(

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 1:19 pm
kpn
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(10) Comments

WMforever
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WMforever

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i'm sorry kpnice! i know what its like to worry for someone whom you can't really do nothing for in terms of saving the marriage. just provide a shoulder for him. if he's not the crying or venting type, keep calling him and making sure he's alright. become a friend to him and chit chat about random things (not necessarily what he's going through). try to keep his mind off the state of his marriage. if for some reason he DOES want to talk about it, provide sane advice. first i'd talk to your SIL to see if there's any hope in her giving him one more chance. good luck! hugs.

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 1:23 pm
prbetsi75
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oy....pobrecito!  I am worried for your brother too!  It seems SIL is giving up too easily.  What happened to 'thru good times and bad'??  Sometimes I think people just throw in the towel too quickly when things get rough.  But then again I don't know the details....if she fell out of love sometimes there isn't really anything you can do to "save" the marriage once the love is gone. 


Anyway, as far as your brother goes, do you think maybe he would move closer to you and the family?  That would help.  He needs to be around friends and family!  Going through something like this alone is so difficult. Like WM said, just keep calling him and letting him know he's loved and that you're there for him.  Invite him over to stay the weekend or something....make lots of plans with him.


Good luck and keep us posted on how he's doing. 

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 2:09 pm
jharks
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10/11/2008
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Go visit your brother. Take your closest relative (to him) with you. It sounds like someone needs to be there for him. I think family comes first. Take time from work. This is important. Maybe he needs to get away from that spot for a little bit, bring him to your house. I agree, talk to your SIL and get the real details about what happened, I am sorry, but announcing you are leaving your husband on MySpace, BEYOND lame. I am amazed. So freaking lame.


Go help out your bro honey, he needs people now.

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 2:10 pm
MissQnomore
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the ladies have said it all.  just wanted to voice my support and send hugs your way....


so sorry!!!


***HUGS***

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 2:23 pm
mhanna22
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07/12/2014
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Kpnice...just always make yourself available to him...the ladies did say it all but stay strong and good luck!

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Sarahinwonderland
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You should just make your support known. My brother becomes very taken in when something happens. He tells us that all he needs is to know that people are there when he needs it, so that is what we do. I am sorry for this added drama I really hope they work it out.

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 5:28 pm
kpn
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Thanks guys - I really appreciate it.  I have tried calling and he or she won't answer?  I sent her a text message along with a   that simply said - do you have his updated cell number - I don't and that I tried calling but your voice mail is off.


I'm trying not to get angry or read into things (which i do...oh so much), but it's damn hard not to. 


At this point I just want to say whats up to him - and not even mention all this stuff yet.   It just blows that we are not a close type family.  I life in NJ, family is 2 1/2 hours north of me and then he lives another 2 1/2 hours north of that.  I just don't want him to "write us off" or disappear.


All i can think of is she is going to get custody of my nephew and miraculously the problems they were having will be gone.  IE - nephew is 4 and sleeps with his daddy (and only his daddy). so I just see that would change and he become closer to his mommy and then my brother would appear to be the outsider...(see how my mind works - it sucks!!!).

Posted on July 25, 2008 at 1:30 am
WMforever
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what i've learned the hard way is that worrying wont speed things up or make things happen. Worrying won't make things better either. So for my own sanity whenever I start to worry about something I give myself this sentence, "Ok why are you worrying, its not going to help. Just wake up and do something. If i cant do something at this moment, then store this away and wait for the moment when you can do something." It realy has helped me. Just stay tough, keep trying to contact him, and let him know that seriously you are there for him even though you two arent the closests.


Is your SIL being a drama queen or is she seriously leaving him? Who knows, maybe she's being a drama queen and isnt really leaving him (I know there are girls like that). Maybe have a serious talk to her first to see how far along she is with the "leaving him". Maybe she is just talking about it but really isnt. I dont know. I'd check and confirm with her first and then swoop in and support your bro.

Posted on July 25, 2008 at 4:17 am
kpn
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so....my brother asked her to try counseling, so they are going to try counseling before moving forward with separating/divorcing.  I really really really hope that they can work things out.  I know where she is coming from, however, i am my brothers sister.  we both have a lot of the same traits and it is so easy sometimes to shut people out, I try very hard NOT to do it, but we are all human and we all have our moments.  I just know that they need to come together and work as a team at raising their child and loving one another.

Posted on July 27, 2008 at 1:26 pm
prbetsi75
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That's good news.  I hope it works out.  Sometimes things have to get bad before they get better.  Hopefully this will be just a bump in the road and they'll be able to move forward.

Posted on July 28, 2008 at 3:36 am

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