NWR: So sad that I don't seem to matter at work

I just had to get this off my chest.


Today is my first day back on PW in several weeks.  I've been suffering migraines so badly in the last year that my doctor finally put me on a preventative, daily medication.  The medication made me a zombie, I was barely functioning - which is why I wasn't on PW, I was putting all my effort into doing only about half my work because that is all I could manage.


All the while, my supervisor has been really supportive and understanding that it would take several weeks before my body adjusted to the medication.  Instead of getting better, it got worse, so my FH told me that I had to stop taking it (we're 66 days from the wedding) and he wanted me to be "aware" when I married him - lol.  It took over a week, but I finally started to come out of the fog I had been living in.


A couple of months ago I approached my supervisor about the possibility of going part-time in the hopes that reducing my workload would alleviate the migraines.  We've had some management changes so I know it wasn't really a priority for anyone to address.  But going on this medication suddenly made it urgent for me to have an answer and I've been asking every three days whether or not she's gotten an answer.  The last time I asked was Friday.


Well, today I cornered her in our team meeting about it.  She said, "Oh, yeah - well I wanted to talk to you alone about that before I made the announcement to the team." 


She's known since Monday afternoon that part-time will not be a possibility.  MONDAY!  Here, my sweet, supportive, understanding supervisor who knows how sick I've been and who I thought was really concerned has known for TWO DAYS and didn't bother to tell me, even though we've had private conversations about my job multiple times since she found out.  Even though she KNEW that I needed to know about part-time so I could decide what course of treatment to pursue!


I thought my health and well-being mattered more to my supervisor - I thought I mattered more to her - I just feel so betrayed I could cry (maybe I shouldn't but I do - I've shown up every day - even when I've had to leave early because my active medication wasn't working, I still tried to be here), but I refuse to do it here at my desk, so I'm venting to my PW Girls instead - thanks for "listening" ladies!

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 9:54 am
Claire27
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Claire27

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(13) Comments

Melly1588
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01/23/2010
Melly1588

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Melly1588

I'm so sorry! :( Get some rest, don't stress it too much, it might make you feel worse. Feel better!!!

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 10:04 am
Kaytana17
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07/17/2010
Kaytana17

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*HUGS* That friggen sucks. Is there any possibility of going on leave? Or short term disability? Sorry - I don't know how things work where you are..but if you were in Canada I'm pretty certain you would be able to go on sick leave for something like this.

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 10:05 am
Claire27
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06/19/2010
Claire27

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Claire27

Unfortunately my company requires extensive documentation (probably more than they are allowed to legally request, but who has time to figure it out when you feel like junk?)  And because we have yet to determine the CAUSE of my migraines, the leave won't be approved - putting, "cause of illness unknown" is "not a diagnosis" according to our HR department. 


Although I've been having migraines pretty consistently for the last 3 years - I'd only had 3 migraines in my life before that.  Guess how long I've been in this department?  Sad right?  I've been w/ the company 7 and a half years and only been having migraines the 3 years I've been in the department - they've been nearly unbearable the last year.


FH and I are already formulating a plan for me to quit, we just really hoped that maybe the part-time would help get me back to healthy, instead of just walking away....


Thanks again for listening, ladies - I felt better just getting it off my chest! =)

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 10:15 am
Linzee
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11/20/2010
Linzee

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Linzee

**hugs** I would suggest talking with your HCP and possible going on medical leave, until you can get results as to what is happenning. 


Please don't stop taking your meds, unless your doctor tells you to. Your doctor may have to gradually decrease your dosage. Sudden discontinuation could lead to "withdrawals" .


I hope you get better soon!

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 10:16 am
Claire27
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Oh, no worries Linzee!  I know better than to stop a daily medication w/o approval!  My doctor gave me a "schedule" for reducing the medication.  But thank you for being concerned - this is why I love PW!

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 10:23 am
Kaytana17
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Kaytana17

That stinks. Work schmork - your health and sanity are much more important. I really do hope you get better!

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 10:48 am
meanyprice
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08/25/2009
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meanyprice

Just out of curiosity, what medication were you taking?  Was it topamax?  I was on that before I got pregnant and it helped me, but I think depending on the dosage it could have some bad side effects.

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 10:57 am
Claire27
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Claire27

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meany - my doctor put me on topamax 2 and a half years ago, by the third week I called her and told her that I had to come off of it because I didn't feel like myself - like my personality was gone - does that make sense?  At the time I was doing okay just taking my active medication when I had a migraine so I opted for that method of dealing with them while we continued to try to figure out the cause.


This time she put me on Neurontin - I always felt like my personality was there, just that I was drugged up.  I kept waiting to get used to it like she promised I would, but I was still having migraines so she kept increasing the dose (slowly) to the point where I would come home and crawl into bed, and maybe even shouldn't have been driving I felt so drugged all the time.  I might try it again after the wedding, but I might not have to if I do leave my job - wish there was some way I could prove it was the job AFTER the fact and get retro-disability!  LOL

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Claire27
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Claire27

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Claire27

Kaytana - you are absolutely right!  Work-schmork!  I think I might just sign my letter of resignation that way when I do get to give my notice!  LOL

Posted on April 14, 2010 at 12:26 pm
meanyprice
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meanyprice

I can understand the personality thing on topamax.  I just thought it made me stupid sometimes.  Like I couldn't remember the right word for stuff sometimes...even simple words.  And it made my hands and feet tingle.  But all of that went away after a while for me.  I think it's hard to find one of the preventative ones that work without too many side effects since most of the are neuro drugs.

Posted on April 15, 2010 at 3:33 am
Claire27
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Claire27

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Claire27

I forgot about the tingly thing!  But yeah, I was starting to have that when I decided to go off the topamax.


I don't know, maybe after the wedding I'll try the Neurontin again - maybe we can talk about increasing my dose every 2 weeks instead of every week to see if that helps me get over the drugged feeling.  Or increasing it by 100mg at a time instead of 300mg at a time.....


Who knows?  If I leave my job, I may not need the preventative (here's hoping!) ;)

Posted on April 15, 2010 at 3:49 am
LadyHope
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01/01/2011
LadyHope

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LadyHope

I'm sorry you're having those problems! My doctor wanted to put me on Topamax, but I found out it interferes with birth control and decided migraines are better than babies at this point in my life.


I have to say, I LOVE my new doctor. After I left a message about the Topamax issue, she called me and spent 40 minutes on the phone going over a series of different options I could try, the pros and cons, and what she thought. In the end I felt like I was able to make an informed decision for myself, instead of having a doctor be like, "Do this" and not knowing why.


I wound up on a low dose of propanalol (I probably spelled that totally wrong) which is a blood pressure medication. It's worked really wonderfully for me, but she said it's something that either A)REALLY works or B)Doesn't work at all.


I know it sucks to keep trying different things, but I think there are a lot of options out there for controlling migraine, if you're willing to keep looking. There are so many factors that play into migraines, and different medications that will work on different things (ones that control blood vessel constriction, ones for blood pressure, ones for pain...)


*HUGS* to you!

Posted on April 15, 2010 at 3:58 am
akbridehi
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07/05/2011
akbridehi

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Claire - Can't you go on FMLA - Family Medical Leave Act?  I know it wouldn't solve your part-time dilemma, but they may be able to be able to try some new treatments on you.  You would be able to get 3 months off through FMLA and from what I have seen (I am a manager, do hiring, deal with all this crap) it's not all that intensive to get in the program. 


As for your supervisor, I know you are disappointed in her, and I would be too.  It sounds as though she is not very effective as a supervisor if she can't put her friendship with you aside and be truthful.  I know I sometimes have a hard time breaking bad news to the employees I am more friendly with.  Sadly, she probably didn't have much input to the choice of going part-time and she was scared to disappoint you.


I hope everything starts going better, I know that Migraines are absolutely awful!  Hugs to you!

Posted on April 15, 2010 at 8:46 am

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