OH MOTHER! Just venting!

I love my mother so much! With that being said, she is  driving me nuts! She isn't paying for any of the wedding FI and i are paying for everything ourselves which is totally fine and i completely understand! She thinks though that weddings only cost 100 dollars and that every engagement should only be 2 months long. We got engaged on christmas, we are in a wedding this july and my mom wanted us to get married this august! We both feel like that would be way to much going on and feel we wont be able to plan the kind of wedding we want in that short period of time. She has been giving me such a hard time about how much i paid for my photographer, she wanted my sister to take the pictures because in her words "Ill never look at the pictures so its not that important" but it is important to me and she doesn't get that. Where im going with all of this is that tuesday we are going dress shopping. My mom keeps lecturing me about how I should only spend 100 dollars on my dress because I will only wear it one day. I get her point to an extent but its  hard to find a dress for that inexpensive. I dont want to go dress shopping and have to hear about how much i spend on a dress. Its my money I work hard for my money and never spend it on myself I feel like if I want to splurge on a day ive been dreaming about for years i should be allowed to with not feeling guilty. I love my mom so much she truley is my best friend (it probably doesn't sound like it from this post!) but shes so frugal and makes me feel so guilty about wanting a nice day! What would you do tell her how i feel and risk her getting mad at me (i hate confrontation) or just let it go and try to blow off what she says?

Posted on February 9, 2014 at 11:57 am
AshandTrev
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(7) Comments

Canooknic
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07/19/2013
Canooknic

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Canooknic

 I think you should make it clear to her what your budget is and tell her exactly what you've written here - you work hard so can spend your money on you special day.

Itis hard when you get negative comments but try to ignore them - I'm sure once she sees her little girl in her dress she'll be fine!! (My MIL is still a huge PITA unfortunately - one of her comments on our wedding day was "it was quite nice considering it was so different...no, I don't mean it like that, I mean because it wasn't a proper wedding day" !!!! She's a real gem!)

Posted on February 9, 2014 at 8:34 pm
jmbuss9
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jmbuss9

At the end of the day its YOUR wedding, its YOUR big day. If she isn't paying for it then she should be worried about how much or what you are spending. 

I would just let her know how you feel about it and that you don't want to hear about how much YOU should spend one your wedding day.

Posted on February 10, 2014 at 10:33 am
MOBRIDE72
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I agree with the ladies. If you are payingbfornit then you do what YOU want.
Posted on February 10, 2014 at 5:23 pm
Trueloveck
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07/12/2014
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 I just had this same convo with my Aunt the other day. My Fiance and I are also paying for the majority of our wedding. It's hilarious that people don't realize the TRUE cost of a wedding. If you google the average wedding cost in the US, it's like $30K! Ridiculousness!! You mention the word Wedding to any vendor, your price doubles if not triples. I don't blame you for wanting a good photographer. For me, the photographer was the first step in the planning process and just as important (if not more so) than the dress! A good photographer can make or break the memories of your day because you WILL look back on those photos because that's all you really will have to show from your wedding day. You'll want those memories to last a lifetime. I've seen multiple, beautiful weddings with garbage photos and all the bride can think about is how terrible her pictures turned out and nothing else. Mom's are super difficult and I feel your pain with this one too. Good luck!

Posted on February 17, 2014 at 3:41 am
Kittywolf13
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02/01/2014
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 I had this issue with my father. He wasn't rude about it but he couldn't understand why weddings were so expensive now and why I needed a budget before a date etc. It was difficult and I just had to do everything and get their advice when we were ready to write the checks because they were paying for the wedding. Thankfully my mother is more with the times so she was my buffer for such things. Is your father still in the picture? Is he more understanding? Maybe have him act as a go between? I would never suggest leaving her out because she'll be truly hurt with that. if not simply ignore whatever she says if you can't get her to see your angle. Good luck dress shopping. I had a blast!

Posted on February 17, 2014 at 8:06 am
poppyaka
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06/11/2011
poppyaka

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If you haven't already, I would not discuss your budget with your mom.  Perhaps you can discuss with her that the you and your FI think that beautiful wedding photos are very important to you.  They can be used for thank you & holiday cards as well as different crafts in the home.  Honestly, you do not have to explain yourself to anyone but the respect you have for your mom is what makes you feel this way.  Perhaps give her a few tasks with several options that she can do no wrong with and is within your taste and that way she feels like she is a part of your day.  Ultimately, because she is not paying for anything she may be feeling some sort of way if you aren't taking her suggestions.   Since you both are close give her a no fail assignment. ;)

Posted on February 17, 2014 at 12:17 pm
Sammy_D
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09/10/2011
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Agreed - if someone is not helping financially with the wedding, they don't get a say, period. Now, you can always choose to honor your parents for how much they've helped you over the years if that's important to you, and that can be done in a number of ways like asking them to serve certain important roles during the ceremony, like lighting the candles or doing a reading, or you could specifically mention them in a thank-you toast. 

But they don't get to influence how much or on what you choose to spend. And IMO - the photographer is the best splurge! I look at my pics constantly and it's been 2 years :)

Posted on February 18, 2014 at 9:23 am

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