Parents/In-laws

How do your parents and in-laws react to and deal with your choice to wait or abstain from having kids?


My parents are completely accepting (my side of the family aren't really "kid" people). Nobody has once asked me when I'm going to make them a grandbaby or whatev.


My ILs... I'm not sure. They seem ok with it... Nod, smile, etc. But secretly, I think it upsets my MIL... And I think the rest of his family just think we're weird. Oh well.

Posted on February 11, 2011 at 7:27 am
GatorBride
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(23) Comments

avanna
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04/16/2010
avanna

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My mom has/does ask when she will have a grandbaby...I just tell her not for a good while lol she doesn't get upset or anything and she doesn't think we are weird because she didn't have me until she was 32 so she knows we have time :)


My MIL has asked but she understands that we aren't having any until we are well "settled in" with each other and have "had our fun" and whatnot. 


Both sides are okay with it so that makes it easier on us.  I don't always want to talk about when we are having kids...all of my friends ask me, only because they ALL have them!!

Posted on February 11, 2011 at 7:41 am
LadyHope
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Fortunately, DH and I both have siblings to take the pressure off of us. DH's little sister caught her boyfriend cheating on her and then found out she was pregnant a few weeks later... then his older sister, who was already married, got jealous and got pregnant 4 months later. ;) His older sister is due with #2 here in a couple of months. His parents are over the moon about DH's niece and nephew(s), so they're happy.


My (much) older (half) brother and his wife have 3 kids--my sister thinks they'll go for #4 but I'm not sure. My parents are over the moon about their grandkids, so no pressure on me! Plus my older sister got married about 5 years ago so they'll probably start having kids in the next year or two, which buys me more time. ;)


I think both sets of our parents approve of us doing things the "responsible way"... marriage first, then get settled financially, then kids once we're established. Hopefully they won't pressure us for a few more years yet, by which point we might be more ready.

Posted on February 11, 2011 at 7:55 am
winterbride2011
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My parents have grandbaby fever, but I can't blame them.  Every.single.one of their close friends are grandparents.  My mom's brothers are becoming grandpas.  All that said, they lov(ed) being parents and will love being grandparents.  My parents also waited four years to have me (I'm the oldest), so they completely understand/respect our decision.  And they know that because we're waiting, when we do have them we'll bang them out pretty close together (2 years is my goal) and then they'll be consumed with their grandbabies!


My in-laws.   Do I care?  LOL.  FI has an older sister...she is 2.5 years older and has already been married for 3 years.  If his parents want grandbabies they can harass her, and then they can be consumed with her babies to leave us alone.

Posted on February 11, 2011 at 7:57 am
inspiritedbeing
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05/21/2011
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My mom definitely wants to be grandbaby fever, but thankfully my brother got his rebound-from-FI-who-cheated-on-him preggos and so the pressure on my uterus has been lifted!


FI's Dad and step mom are LOVE that we are waiting.


FI's Mom I'm not sure about. She wants grandbabies and doesn't really believe us that we are waiting 8+ years, but also doesn't pressure (=


It seems its pretty much all other family that challenges are decision..

Posted on February 11, 2011 at 1:24 pm
mahoganieyes
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09/10/2011
mahoganieyes

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FIL are the baby crazy types. His father even suggested he would rather have a grandkid instead of dealing with another wedding.

Posted on February 11, 2011 at 1:52 pm
em724
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07/24/2009
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My dad is unphased as is my FIL.


My mom 'accepts' it becasue as she says, "at least I got to see you get married.  Maybe your sister will settle down soon."


MIL - not really sure. In the 8 years DH and I dated, were engaged, and now married she and I have never had a real convo about it.  DH has talked to her about it and said she was disappointed but it was our decsion to make.

Posted on February 12, 2011 at 12:58 am
adamsapple
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My parents understands... as for my FI's, who knows what they think, they've never brought it up and I like it that way :)

Posted on February 13, 2011 at 10:44 pm
carolinawedding
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03/19/2011
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Oh, so far good things for everyone!


My mom and FMIL definitely want us to wait. They were both in their early 30s when they had FI and I (we're the oldest) and I think they were really relieved when we said we wanted to wait.


Now, when we said we might not, that changed. FMIL kind of understands, but she's disappointed. All her siblings are already grandparents many times over. But she thinks we'll make a decision when we're ready. My mom just keeps saying, "oh you'll change your mind."


I kind of want to get the tubes tied and just be like "surprise!" just to spite people.

Posted on February 14, 2011 at 4:00 am
LadyHope
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Carolina, I can tell from your FB that you've been getting asked a lot lately!


Why don't people get that when they ask about your childbirthing decisions, they're essentially asking about your sex life? How inappropriate can you get???

Posted on February 14, 2011 at 4:26 am
lsjhik
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His parents want us to have grandbabies more than my parents. 


I'm a lot younger than DH, so I think my parents are more concerned about me finishing school and starting my life.  His parents aren't pushy though, just hint from time to time.


 

Posted on February 14, 2011 at 6:35 am
winterbride2011
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LOL LadyHope I think the exact same thing! 


"they're essentially asking about your sex life"


That's why I won't want to tell my parents "we're trying".  They'll just find out when the test is positive.

Posted on February 16, 2011 at 4:27 am
carolinawedding
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The sex issue gets me. I'm actually really private about my own sex life. It's none of anyone's business, and if they keep asking they're going to be told "Well, hard to have monkey hate sex with kids down the hall!"


 

Posted on February 17, 2011 at 1:02 am
winterbride2011
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In regards to my comment about my FIL's....FSIL just announced her pregnancy two days ago. 

Posted on February 19, 2011 at 1:32 am
msdl
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05/28/2011
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omgosh, Amanda! Well, there you go...pressure lifted by the FSIL! :-)


My mom has a major case of the grandbaby wants...my dad is kind of "whenev". LOL! My mom's entire side of the family is actually hoping and praying for a "honeymoon baby". We will be sure to be EXTRA SUPER DUPER careful. LOL!


FI's family...I don't really know. His mom makes jokes from time to time, but she is pretty laid back about it. I don't talk to his dad or stepmom enough to know, but I think in general everyone on his side is overly concerned because I am *gasp* "old" ;-)

Posted on February 25, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Kaytana17
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My parents are fine with our decision. My dad's mentioned once that we should have kids - but then I laid the law down w/him and he seems to understand. I think they're also more understanding b/c both my sister and brother have kids.


My in-laws, on the other hand, are really really looking forward to becoming grand parents. My FIL has tried to guilt trip my DH on multiple occasions about having kids. But they need to go bother my SIL who's been married for almost ten years. I think they've given up on bugging her and have moved onto us. It's extremely irritating. We don't know if we ever  want to have children - and when the topic of us considering adoption in the future came up my IL's just about had a heart attack ("what about the BLOODLINE" my FIL gasped...well...we're not royalty..and we're not pure bred dogs..soo...yeaaah). I think they've gotten the point to back off now that DH has firmly told them it's a) none of their business and b) we'll do it when we're flipping ready.

Posted on February 26, 2011 at 7:13 am
LadyHope
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LOL at "the BLOODLINE"... wtf? Hahaha!


 

Posted on February 26, 2011 at 6:48 pm
Ambrosia
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My mom thinks I'm too young, (I'm 29, but ok). My Dad, I'm not sure, but I think he was relived when my "big news" is that I bought a house. My Step Mother was very excited about the idea of me being pregnant. My In-laws really want grandchildren, and my MIL keeps dropping the baby bomb. zzzzzz. They can be the grandparents of a wonderful baby..... dog!


My friends, however, they are more pushy than MIL! GRRRR! Go have your own babies! :P

Posted on March 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm
aswan87
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They don't really talk about it as of right now but i think the following responses from when i got engaged sum up how my mother and father feel. I called both of them right after i got enaged and this is what the said after. Mom/Dad I'm engaged!!!


mom: "are you pregnant?"


Dad: "When do i get granbabies"


I think that sums up how they feel about kids

Posted on July 22, 2011 at 10:03 am
Lilivati
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Oh, they got it in their heads that I was one of Those Women when I refused to change my name.  We haven't come right out and said we're considering not having children, but I doubt they'd be surprised. (They're wonderful people and very accepting of me, but they do think I'm kind of nuts. XD  Naturally, it never occurs to them that their son/grandson/nephew might think the same way...)


We have discussed possibly, if we got pregnant, just running off to the other side of the world when I started to show and letting everyone find out when we came home with a baby... :P

Posted on August 31, 2011 at 7:55 am
SpringBride2011
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My in-laws are totally okay with it. Then again they already have a couple grandkids.... my parents.... not so much. My mom won't shut up about having grandbabies.

Posted on September 8, 2011 at 6:05 am
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