POLL: Getting DH 'On Board'

How and when did DH get on board with you to start trying for a baby?


I'll delete my response soon, FYI. . . .


My DH is so sweet - he wants kids someday but someday is ALWAYS 'in a few years'.  It cracks me up - it was 'in a few years' last year, and the year before that :)


I'm nearly 29 and he's 31. . .we're financially stable and otherwise VERY ready.   


My best friend is pregnant now and it's like a light has been switched on for me. . .I'm SO ready (it's weird to admit that!  Until now I was like awww, babies are cute. . .but now I WANT one). . .and DH is too but not really 'on board' with the idea of it actually happening just yet.  I mean, if we were to get pregnant today he would be fine with it. . .but actually 'trying'?  He's not there.


I mean, I'm starting to come up with crazy stuff in my head like 'if we don't try NOW I'll turn 30 and won't be fertile anymore!'  or 'If I'm pregnant at 30 our chance of a Down's baby goes UP!  (he's really paranoid about that. . .I have a disabled sister, he has a disabled cousin. . .he also has a speech impediment. . .).  Or. . .'It takes a year to get pregnant so if we start now it won't be too late!'


So I'm waiting patiently and trying to hint at him that my clock turned on a *little* sooner than he thought it would. . .waiting so patiently for that day when he says 'hey, let's start trying'. . . 


OMG how do you ladies DO IT?  !  


I'm rationalizing by saying that we need more time as newlyweds and that we haven't traveled to Europe together yet. . .oy.  STUPID HORMONES.


 


 


 


 

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 6:17 am
MountainBride
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(32) Comments

odessa33
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LOL it's funny when the clock just suddenly starts ticking too loudly for you to think about anything else!


we actually have always been on the same page at the same time when it comes to kids. For a long time we both thought we'd probably never want to have kids. It was a discussion that went on for years before we started thinking that yes, we wanted them. And even then we both had to sit with the idea for a while, talk about it again and again, make sure it's really really what we both wanted more than anything else. So for us it was a journey we traveled together to get to TTC


 

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 6:24 am
odessa33
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oh and FYI to calm your fears.....the age risk doesn't really start being considered until you are over 35 if you're healthy every other way!

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 6:29 am
MountainBride
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LOL Odessa!  I'm sure the age thing is 35 like you said. . .the whole '30' thing is crazy stuff I'm making up in my head to justify my baby brain. . .oy. !  


I think my thing too is that like you, I want this to be an 'us' decision.  One of his guy friends didn't get that (his wife got pregnant intentionally without his consent) and he is definitely not wanting that experience.  He's mentioned it several times. . .so it's important to me that when the time for TTC comes, it's because both of us are 100% ready.


I'm in that 'I'm ready but he's not' stage.  Yick.  I just have to sit it out. . .

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 6:41 am
Kelly2bG
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Like a pp said, we have always been on the same page. I knew DH was ready when he kept bringing it up on his own, he would say things like when we have a kid we can do this, what do you think of this name, etc. Id say in the last year, especially once we got engaged, we were both ready and got baby fever. We got married in October and now we REALLY have the baby fever!

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 6:48 am
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Kelly - DH brings up kid stuff ALL THE TIME. . .it does NOT help my baby brain!  :)  He says 'when we have a kid. . .' and 'I'm going to take our kids to do this or that. . .'


The fundamentals are there. . .but the 'alright honey lets get down and DO IT' is definitely not!  

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 6:55 am
soontobemrsanthony
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My DH is 3yrs older than me and he's very close with his older brother, so when my DH realized that his bro was a father at 30, i think he likened to the idea a little more.


Plus, he's very into the idea of "getta em in -getta em out" haha in the most loving way, of course! he doesnt want to be paying for em when were traveling the world and very comfy, maybe even close to retiring ( which is so backward b/c he's 29 and he just got off his parents teet bout 2 yrs ago, due to med school costs, etc.)


So, with that attitude he's ready and willing!! haha

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 7:09 am
LadyY
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Maybe sit down with him and open up how you feel, instead of hinting that youre ready and he seems not? (As I read that in the right way in your first post?)


What I learned from a male friend who recently became a dad is, that you never will be ready to have a kid together. There will be always things you wished you would have done etc.


FI & I are pretty much on the same line, we want to have kids one day (hopefully we'll be so lucky) but at first we want to have a stable relationship together, in the same house and no longer 5000 miles away ;)

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 7:09 am
shalliwell
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I agree with Lady Y.  Have a sit down and discuss whats up and why you are ready and get him to open up as to maybe why he is not.  You may discover he actually is and maybe just scared abotu the big "leap" so to speak! 


my DH and I have always been on the same oage.  I have always wanted to be a mom and hin a dad so it just kinda worked out that we would ttc right away.

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 7:27 am
MountainBride
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'The big leap' 


I love it Shalliwell :) :) :) 


It's so funny because we are on the same page about everything else. . .and sometimes he even surprises me. . .this may be the case.


The thing is though. . .even though I'm getting crazy baby brain. . .I know we wanted to travel a bit first and that isn't happening anytime soon. . .so I'm using his 'not readiness' to keep my own self from going nutso :))

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 7:34 am
shalliwell
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LOL you like that?  well i wouldnt be surprised that he would be ready but hes just thinking of all the things he may still want to do.  he'll  still get to travel with you, he'll still get to hang with the guys.  alot of men seem to think life will stop once they have a babay, i have a freind like this and we have proven to him time and time again that his life didnt chnage all that much he just has an extra person!

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 7:40 am
MountainBride
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alot of men seem to think life will stop once they have a babay,


OMG YES! ! ! !  That is SO TRUE.  We've had this discussion several times. . .his buddies have all had kids and he swears up and down that NONE of them get to climb anymore.  (DH is a mountaineer and rock climber)


What he's missing is that no they aren't climbing. . .instead they all started riding bikes (mountain) instead!  It cracks me up. . .and you know. . .they all put that little kiddo in a trailer and take it with them.  


Ask any dad too if he'd rather go climb a mountain or hang out with his kid and play ball. . .guess what his answer will be?  Plus, DH can show kiddo how to climb in the future - he even talks about how he can't wait to teach them how to ski!  Every time he sees a baby he gets all doe-eyed and ogles it. . .it's ridiculous.  


Oh. . .and guess who hasn't climbed a mountain in 6 months anyways? ? ?   I won't name any names :) :) :)  


Yeah, life changes. . .definitely. . . but is it over?  Does it stop?  Nope.  We are the type of people that would love to go out and bring the baby too - some of his friends just stay home and don't do much anymore and he thinks it's because they *can't*.  No, it's because they don't want to.  


 

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 7:49 am
Missie1284
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I'd love to know! I am sooo ready for a baby now and my husband wants a little more time! We are financially stable and definitely responsible enough for kids and if we got pregnant now by accident, we'd be able to handle it (my husband would be MAD tho!)The only reason we're waiting is because my husband wants a little more alone time with me first, and he wants to take a couple trips before I am too heavily pregnant or have given birth which I can respect. I'm young (will be 25 in a few weeks) so I have a lot of time and we're going to start trying in the spring, so I don't have too long to wait, but I want to try NOW! I am terrified that I will have a hard time getting pregnant!

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 7:52 am
MountainBride
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Ahhh Missie why would he be mad if you got pregnant now? ? ?  :(  

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 7:53 am
shalliwell
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yes moutnain!  its hard to get through to them sometimes that life isnt over its just beginning!  babies are kids are somethign they will always cherish and of course would rather play ball with than climb a mountain.  its a shift in priorities!


he'll get there!  i suggest the tallk with him and see what he says.  i think hes like 95% there and i'm trying to figure out what will give him that extra "push".


he may in the stage of we arent trying not to conceive.  so if you get orgnant thats ok but you arent activaely trying!


and missy: i dont know thatd hed be mad maybe more just : ugh we were supposed to wait LOL.  i think once he realized the full excitement of it, he'd be crazy overjoyed!!

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 8:00 am
MountainBride
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Missie - Shalliwelll is right - I don't think your DH would be ANGRY if you got pregnant. . .a little taken aback perhaps. . .but not really hacked off. . . .

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 8:06 am
meanyprice
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I didn't really have to get him on board.  He wanted to start before the wedding and I made him wait until after.

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 9:00 am
odessa33
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ya know the funny thing is that even though we have discussed it openly CONSTANTLY and I know we came to the decision together, I still worry a lot that maybe he doesn't REALLY want a baby yet but he's going along with it just to make me happy. I keep looking for signs that he's not really ready. I know I'm being so silly about it and I have no real reason to feel that way but I guess it's just a big fear of mine that I won't have a totally willing partner or something. There's always something knew to be worried about LOL


on a side note, if we were younger we would definitely be waiting longer to start! We are  very big on traveling and outdoor sports. I know that eventually we'll be doing that as a family so kids don't mean NEVER doing that stuff again, but it definitely does mean putting it off for at least a couple years for pregnancy and then the newborn. If we hadn't done so much traveling together already it would be hard to start a family now

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 9:23 am
Missie1284
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You girls are right, mad wasn't the best word to use! He would definitely get used to the idea and become extremely excited about his baby, but he wouldn't be thrilled with the unexpected surprise at first and would definitely be taken aback if it happened now! He also wants me to work 1 more year (we basically put my entire paycheck into retirement and savings and live off of his and he wants to build up our savings even more which I think is smart), and if I got pregnant now, I'd be due in September and I wouldn't be able to teach another year. 

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 9:33 am
MountainBride
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Odessa - I completely see where you are coming from worrying about your DH saying he's on board but 'not really' actually being there.  I think that's why I'm so paranoid myself. . .I keep thinking . . .ok, so, he's not on board now. . .what if he 'gets on board' just to make me happy?


I couldn't sleep with a preggo belly at night wondering if DH really wanted it.  


*BUT* I have to say that we should give our men credit!  Don't doubt your DH. . .I think it's just us woman being paranoid and worrying. . .oy.


Missy - That makes more sense.  I was thinking 'Man, if Missie's hubby gets really angry about a baby he helped to make I'm gonna have to go over there and put the smack down!' 

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 10:11 am
heartsetfreebylove
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DH and I made an official TTC date of November 2nd 2010 (our 4 year anniversary of dating). We sat down and weighed out everything and that's the day we came up with. However, that was before I was diagnosed with PCOS. Now that I am almost sure it could take at least 6 months if not 5 years to get pregnant, I want to start trying A LOT sooner. DH is on board but not as enthused as I am because I think he's scared that I will get depressed if we don't get pregnant right away.


Anyway! I'm not on BC, we don't use any other form of protection. We never really have (shame on me!!) but I have never gotten pregnant. I've started charting (incredibly hard with PCOS) and hopefully I'll be able to catch the times I do ovulate (few and far between) and we can get lucky!


 

Posted on December 3, 2009 at 10:37 am
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