PRE-GUEST LIST WOES :( :(

I dont even have my engagment ring yet and I'm already stressed out.


Me and FFI were talking last night about the size of the wedding. Now many of you may have seen my posts where I talk about how ANTI WEDDING FFI is. When they say opposites attract they mean it! I'm a lover of all things weddings. Thats my dream full time profession. FFI....not so much. Ideally for him, it would be me, him, his daughter, my son, our parents, and our siblings....THATS IT.


Well.....


I have a huge family on my mother's side that I am extremely close to. I mean my first cousins and I were pretty much raised like brothers and sisters. We played together, got whuppings together, fought like cats and dogs...all that. My aunts and uncles were like my parents; you get the picture.


Im also a preachers kid- our congregation is about 450. I am very active in my church, I love my church family (shout out to Newburg Church of Christ in Louisville, KY!!). I spent my younger years at another congregation in the city, where my father was assistant minister, that I have a close relationship with. Now if anybody here is a PK you know the entire church feels like they're obligated to come, invited or not.


I want to very much respect his wishes and get down to the bare bones of a guest list, but I dont see any way around it. Im perfectly okay with alot of people coming to the wedding. My parents are prepared to help significantly with the wedding. I dont really want to do a destination wedding because I need to have my hands on some things that I specifically want for the wedding.


So what do I do? He's not very close to his family, so its easy for him to not invite them and doesnt understand why its not simple for me. There are somethings that I have done to try and make it a smooth ride for the both us us as far as the planning goes...but this is a tough one.


All this stress and its not even official lol!!!


Thanks for listening and your advice divas!


-Kayla

Posted on December 2, 2011 at 1:54 am
MAWISE05
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(7) Comments

primobride
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03/23/2012
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First and foremost...compromise is the first step to everything. You have to come to a middle ground!

Posted on December 2, 2011 at 1:56 am
melsmith56
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melsmith56

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I'm not a PK, but I was also very active in my small church and knew most of the folks.  However, when it came to the wedding, I limited it to the people in my Bible Study class, and very close people within the congregation.


Above and beyond that however, what primobride said above is extremely true.  The one thing I've learned since being engaged and then married is that there must be compromise by both of you in order to more ahead.  This will be a good test for both of you.

Posted on December 2, 2011 at 1:58 am
rhinehart50
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Is he against big gatherings in general, or specifically for a wedding? I would say if it is for a wedding, then you could have something very intimate for the ceremony and a killer reception/celebration after (either right after or in the future). 


Or maybe he is intimidated by the thought of, what seems like it could be, over 500 people. You could try to stick just to family and only your closest church friends.


You are right, this is a tough one but @primo hit the nail on the head - compromise.

Posted on December 2, 2011 at 2:03 am
MAWISE05
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MAWISE05

Ugh...the dreaded "C" word LOL!!!! I know I know...its hard though, especially when I've had this idea in my head for so long of what its supposed to look like, then he has the nerve to come along and have an opinion!! LOL


Ya'll gonna have to pray for me!!


EDIT:


@rhine- he's not into large gatherings in general....me I'm all for it- the bigger the better lol!

Posted on December 2, 2011 at 2:03 am
jbifly18
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08/25/2012
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Compromising is the first thing.  I feel that it is something that you will be doing for the rest of your life and it might as well start before the marriage is official. 


What about having the large church ceremony and then having a 'cupcake reception' in the church basement/rec room after?  I have a friend who did that.  Everyone was invited to the ceremony and asked to join in the cupcake reception.  They just had a bunch of different cupcakes offered, coffee, tea & water.  Afterwards, they had a small reception for close family and friends.  We had dinner, danced and it was pretty intimate. 

Posted on December 2, 2011 at 2:08 am
DansMrs
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Yup the dreaded C word...but these ladies are right. I've had to give up somet things that I really wanted and/or dreamed of in order to fit our budget and to meet in the middle. It's not easy but at the end of the day it's important that you're not fighting/bickering about wedding plans. :)


 

Posted on December 2, 2011 at 2:49 am
TimilyL
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TimilyL

Compromise is very important, but maybe you might want to flex a little bit of what the wedding means. 


Maybe to you it means having a huge fancy dinner party with all the everything, but if we're talking 600 people that's not really feasible for anyone. 


If it's something controlled and church related, then maybe you could fit everyone in.  Or if you can't invite everyone to the wedding, have a post-wedding picnic for everyone who couldn't come to the wedding wedding. 


As far as specific advice, I would say family is a definite place he needs to compromise for you.  However, inviting your whole congregation, and especially an old congregation might be a place where you have to compromise to his wants & needs.


Guest lists are the worst part of planning the wedding.  Just putting that out there.

Posted on December 2, 2011 at 3:55 am

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