Premarital Counseling?

Hey Everyone,


I have a question and I know you guys are always so great and so much help! 


FI and I have been talking about maybe doing premarital counseling.  Everything is great between us but it's supposed to help so much with the marriage and I just think it would be a smart idea. 


Have any of you gone?  Was it worth it?  If so, do you know have any recs in or near the San Fernando Valley/Burbank area (So. Cal.)? 


Thanks so much!


~Caliborn

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 8:18 am
caliborngurl
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02/14/2009
caliborngurl

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(21) Comments

bride102508
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10/25/2008
bride102508

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My FI and I had to do something similar because we are getting married in a Catholic church.  We would definitely recommend doing something like this.  We had a great time in ours.  Eventhough, we have been together for over 8 years and been living together for a lil over 1, there were some things we had already talked about, but it was still a lot of fun and a great learning experience for us getting to share our feelings with each other and even in small groups.  Definitely do it if you can, there's nothing to lose.

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 8:24 am
WMforever
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06/14/2009
WMforever

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Hi Caliborn,


Are you Catholic by any chance? Even if you're not, I recommend calling up your a Catholic church and inquiring about their "Pre-Cana" classes. We took them only because we wanted marriage "prep" classes and in case we decided to have a Catholic ceremony we'd need to.


I only recommend this because it may be the most bang for your buck. We only paid $200 and went to class i think 8 times (once a week) and then we also had one on one time with our instructor to talk about our personal situation (everyone has to do this).


Not once was ours "religiousy". Only during the very first meeting the instructor said a prayer to bless all of the couples in class. Other than that, the class was based on studies and psycologists recommendations to a successful marriage and why some marriages fail and how men and women are different etc.


We loved our instructor and class so much taht we asked him if he allowed "Non-catholics" to take the course since we knew it would benefit even our "non-catholic friends". He said of course they are welcome. He's had non-catholics and he's also had people who have been married 30 years come in for a "refresher".


Hope that helps! Good luck!

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 8:28 am
caliborngurl
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02/14/2009
caliborngurl

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That's true, bride122508.  There is really nothing to lose and possibly some stuff to gain.  Thanks for your advice.  Now on to researching some premarital counselors!

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 8:30 am
marii143
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02/14/2009
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I did also took classes for a catholic church and we thought we werent going to like them, but both of us loved them. They are going to be one of the good things we remember from our engagement. At the end it was so romantic, they set up the room in candle light and flowers and they had us say a prayer for a wish we had for our wedding day then we had to whisper to each other. I was almost in tears to hear him say somethings it was awesome. I would really recommend them.

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 8:32 am
caliborngurl
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caliborngurl

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WM,


You know what?  I really didn't even think of that since we decided to have a non-denominational wedding (neither one of us is very religious although we are baptized Catholic).  There is a great church by my house that I could look in to.  I'll try calling today and see what they say.


Thanks!

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 8:34 am
bride102508
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10/25/2008
bride102508

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Hey marii143, were you and your FI @ the Holy Family one?  That's the one we just took and we had such a great time =).

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 8:34 am
olismommy
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03/24/2012
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we are having a counselor do a mini retreat. we also bought a great book called "why did i marry you anyway". its awesome!

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 10:12 am
jharks
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10/11/2008
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FI's mom also got us this book of questions to discuss before getting married, though I don't like the way the lady writes, the questions are pretty encompassing of the issues that way arise in a relationship. It is called Lies at the Alter


http://www.amazon.com/Lies-Altar-Truth-About-Marriages/dp/140130897X/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218662415&sr=1-1


 

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 10:20 am
Sarahinwonderland
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10/17/2009
Sarahinwonderland

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We are also going to do something. Our friends did engagement counceling and they said it was great for them.

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 10:20 am
MissQnomore
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03/14/2009
MissQnomore

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i'm doing the catholic retreat b/c we're getting married in the church, but even if we decided to do a non-denominational one, we'd do the counseling.  we've been together for 10 years and lived together fo 6 mths, but we know there is still much to learn about each other and our relationship.  practice makes perfect!

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 10:29 am
frienatic2173
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09/13/2008
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Hey Jharkins, my mom gave us the exact same book! I agree with you about the way the lady writes, but i love how there were so many questions to ask. It was good because one question and answer usually spawned even more questions and answers. I found out some pretty interesting stuff from my guy that I didn't even know and we've been together forever!

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 10:36 am
marii143
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HI Bride102508 - We did go to those in July haha thats so funny. I dont recognize you but maybe cause there were so many couples, but i do agree it was awesome.

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 2:18 pm
pinkyjane48
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08/24/2008
pinkyjane48

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lots of good suggestions, but just one to add!


Our pastor did some of this with us and had us read these 2 books, I read "For Women Only" and he read "For Men Only" by Shaunti Feldman. We really liked them. Some of the stuff in there was like, yes we know thats how guys/girls are but we were pretty surprised at some other stuff, we kept calling eachother and saying "really?" I got a lot out of it and its not big at all! :)

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 2:38 pm
kells76
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10/04/2008
kells76

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I'm catholic and FI is baptist.  So I am used to hearing about couples going through the pre-marital counseling with their priest.  I wanted to do it and FI was surprisingly willing. We signed up with a lcounsler who was recommended for a 4 stage pre-marital deal for $395.  I'd say 2/4 were greatly beneficial.  I think it just depends on the couple.  I think it can never hurt to get a 3rd party involved to educate and go over any issues you have or may prepare you for in the future.


The way I see it - after the hours and hours and dollars and dollars you put into a wedding for all your guests to enjoy, 4 hours into your relationship and $4-$500 is the least we could do for us.

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Gratefulbride
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I attend a Non-Denominational Church & it is required by my Pastors to have the P.Marital Counseling (free).  Eight sessions total, one of which will include a double date with my Pastors.  We have a workbook & everything, & although ours it not traditional or heavy with religion, our Pastors pray at the beginning of each session.  Ours is stretched out...we began in January, will finish this fall.  My FI & I consider it an investment, & I am grateful to take the course. 

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 3:05 pm
TheChicBride
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DH and I have been married for almost 6 years. It will be 6 years on Aug 28th. Anywhoo, I applaud all of you who have or who are going through pre-marital classes, but as someone who has been married for a while, nothing can prepare you for it. It's just like having a baby, which I have. You can take classes and get advice, but nothing can prepares you for the real thing. It's all trial and error. You just hope to god that you have more successes than mistakes.


Just my 2 cents from an old married lady. :0)

Posted on August 13, 2008 at 3:38 pm
WMforever
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 i must say that although nothing may let us know what to really expect, this totally prepared us for dealing with some crucial aspects of marriage that would have been major obstacles otherwise. They really opened me and FI eye's and made us feel very comfortable going into the marriage. it made us discuss realistic approaches to issues such as raising the children, income, spending, money, sex life, what to do when we fight, why/how we're different, how to not "lose eachother" when the kids come and so much more i cant even list right now. we honestly believe (and he's a skeptic usually) that this prepared us for a journey together. Will this stop any drama from occuring in our marriage? Hell to the NO. But what it did do was teach us tactics on how to deal with things and eachother which we have been using since the day we took the first class. It started us on daily nurturing and healthy "couple" habits that we will hopefully keep for the rest of our lives. So if and when the day comes that he gets home plastered when he said he'd be at the office, or our child is in the hospital, we won't break our marital bond but instead use the tools we learned to get us through rough times because we have enjoyed the daily good times. Trial and error makes total sense but i think that pre-marital counseling avoids a lot of the pain of "trial and error".

Posted on August 14, 2008 at 3:53 am
bride102508
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Well put WMforever.  All that you said is exactly what we took away from the experience and why we loved it so much.

Posted on August 14, 2008 at 4:04 am
prbetsi75
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Well said WMforever!  I haven't taken the classes yet but I'm looking forward to it.  No class can tell you what to expect....but it can certainly help you learn the best way to handle unexpected situations.  Any type of education, including "marital education", is never a bad thing.  Shoot, your advice which you learned from those classes, has already helped me with my meltdown yesterday!  :o)

Posted on August 14, 2008 at 4:11 am
WMforever
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WMforever

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awesome girls! it was honestly the best 200 bucks i have EVER spent. and the fact that my classes helped betsi makes them PRICELESS! Glad its all good now bets! :)


fi and i actually want to take them again. it was such good practice hehe. and it makes us feel all cheesy and lovey dovey (more than usual) hehe..

Posted on August 14, 2008 at 4:37 am
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