Has anyone gone to premarital counseling at their church or through the wedding officiant? What types of issues do they discuss? Was it helpful?
Hey Ms. V! We're going to get married in a Catholic church and they require a three-day retreat where you will sleep at the site. Dormitory style, men apart from women. It's called the Catholic Engaged Encounter Retreat. Are you in California? Ours is actually this weekend, Sept. 12-14 in Montebello. My cousin who attended the same retreat said that all you will do is TALK, TALK and TALK to your future spouse.
You will be given topics to discuss such as views on having children, family, career, religious beliefs, MONEY etc etc. You and your future spouse will be forced to go over issues which could later on be potential problems for your marriage. I think it's better to find out now than later, you know what I mean?
From what I heard, the counseling is VERY helpful. I'll keep you posted when I get back from mine this weekend!
Do you plan on going to one?
yes we had it! my god it was such rubbish, no joke! i had to try not to laugh..... my FI was angry that we were made do it it was a waste of time! we are getting married in an anglican church, saint marys in maitland australia, we had to discuss our sex life, and so much crap not relevent! we needed 2 fill out a question booklet 163 questions they were all about,
have you got a problem with drugs or alcahol, have you ever been sexually abused, physically abussed, mentally abussed, have you or anyone in your family experienced things like that, have you or your partner taken drugs or experamentid with illegal things! wtf more questions were do you think you please your partner sexually, does your partner please you sexually, how often do you have sex!, do you ever feel jelouse of your partner when they have attention from the oppisite sex, how much money do you earn, how often do you fight, do you have aweekly/fortnightly budget, and so many other topics that i found personal and inapropriate! 163 of them, most were the same question just diffrent wording!!!! then he sends them away to be computer cheecked! then we need to go in aand disscuss results.... i was a bit embarassed talking about our sex life with the father of the church! did it help us!!!! NO..... it was just 3 long nights of inconveniance! we needed to arrange a sitter for our son and 7pm is not the best time! aghhhhhh
Funny, I read this blog and chuckled. My FI and I are also going to be at the Engagment retreat in Montebello this weekend 12-14. It's mandatory in our Church to do it. We could of gone to Santa Barbara, but we've been there enough where we didn't want to drive there this time. We've been meeting with our priest once a month for "Talks" Mitch is a non Catholic and he is not converting. Father Bill is such a great guy. Mitch loves him. Funny to hear a priest throw the F bomb in conversation once in a while to drive a point. My favorite quote from him.. "Sometimes you stand in Sh. so long you don't smell it anymore. But that doesn't mean you're not still full of it" LOL See how the weekend goes.
I'll have a weekend of not having to cook or clean. Yey!! LOL
Hi Ms.V. I might be the only one who swears by counseling but it also depends on your counselor. I lucked out with a really young normal guy who seemed to really get us and the issues of younger couples in the present time. I still think back to several suggestions of things that the counselor told us. I felt like it helped me communicate better as a person all around with others, not just my significant other. I say try it. If you walk away feeling uncomfortable and not inspired, then try someone else.
We talked about finances, sex, sharing household duties, how to find time for yourself and each other, creating fair fighting rules, children, and our own childhood experiences. One session we talked about the importance of role models and finding a couple that would be a role model for our own relationship. Kinda random but it was an interesting topic. We were also allowed to talk about any issued that were happening currently. Again, we had a great counselor. Also, we only went about 5 times. I felt like that was enough.
Howdie! We did them and loved them and wouldnt mind doing it again. Here are great threads on this topic:
My FI and I went through counseling with our pastor from our church.. it's a e-free christian church. We breezed through the topics (how to handle money, kids, sex, communications, etc etc) without any issues at all.. then my best friend and MoH at the time, got engaged and there was a huge blowup and we aren't friends anymore. But through that whole mess, FI and I had some MAJOR issues that we are still dealing with. Our wedding was booked for May 30 of this year, but we ended up postponing it and are just about to book it again for May next year. We are coming out strong and confident, but HOLY painful time, batman. I'm glad we are waiting and fixed our problems before entering into a convenant with those problems. I feel that the counseling was good, but it took an actual "issue" to come up to bring out the problems that we had.
FI and I did premarital counseling through a church and we don't even belong to a church and are not religious. It was a six or eight week program. It was GREAT. I cannot recommend it enough. We talked about things that you don't ordinarily know how to bring up (prenuptial agreement, who is his first priority me or his daughter by his first marriage, what are your expectations on all sorts of various issues). We became so much closer and certain we wanted to get married, and confident that we now had skills to help us work through the conflicts when they arise. The program we used is called married4keeps out of Orange County, CA.
just remembered our pre marital counseling was not called that, our father of our church said we had to do married with kids counseling! as we have a 22month old son! that may have been why it sucked!
our pastor is not having us do PC... he says that research shows that it doesn't do much good in the long run. i wouldn't be opposed to it, though because i think it could only strengthen our marraige.
We did it too. We did the weekend encounter in NY... it was alright. It had its highlights and we thought it was good for people who didn't have any serious conversations (i.e., children, finance, etc.). We were just glad we got it overwith early.
we took a premarital class and we LOVED it. even if you think you have already heard this and that, it still gets you talking. we did it through Calvary-- it is a 9 week class with meetings every Sunday for 2 hrs. each session was a different topic--communication, expectations, family and origins, exploring personality, preparatory test results, foundation for a christian marriage, sex/sexuality, and finances. We also had a conflict resolution class, but the person teaching it could not make it so we will have to go to the next one in another cycle. Each class was taught by a different PhD. who specializes in the topic. It was so much fun and all the other couples were great... I would highly recommend it to anyone :)
It was required thru our church and we loved it! A host couple hosted in once a week for 6 weeks. We discussed things like finances, kids, sex (that was the ackward class, lol!) responsibilities, expectations, etc... I think it was extremely beneficial and felt SO much closer to FI after the classes were over.
this is a super old post ladies- FYI a vendor just bumped it
We're signed up for October....I heard it's alot of talk about kids and money.
we are doing premarital counseling and I have found it very helpful so far. You discuss the major things that causes relationships to fail. It has really opened the communication doors for us and so far has only brought us closer together and let us discuss things now so we have a plan.
wow this is a really old post i didnt even pay attention