Project Marriage Part 2: Pre-Marital Counseling
So yesterday was our first pre-marital couseling session with the Associate Pastor of our church. Its been a real pain in the bootay trying to get these sessions underway (like three months in the making) so I was really anxious to see what it would be like after waiting so long. As a firm believer in the sanctity of marriage and all of that I really wanted to make sure that my FI and I developed the right skills and aquired the necessary tools to start our marriage off on the right foot. So pre-marital counseling was a no-brainer. So as I mentioned, I really didn't know what to expect so I was a little anxious, but at the same time excited because I know its something we need and something that could only do us good in the long run.
So we sit down with the pastor and start talking. He mostly started off with explaining to us the format of the sesions, how long they will be and what we hope to accomplish. That was cool. But then he started asking us some questions that really made me...I guess it really made me realize just WHAT we are getting into, what we could possibly be in for and that marriages are: a lot of WORK. I mean I guess its nothing that I didn't already know but sitting down with the pastor and actually hearing him say it was like, WOW. This is the person you're going to spend THE rest of your life with. Its time out for the games, the selfish bahavior, and the immature attitudes. It also means that if you really want to connect with this person that you have to dig deep down into yourself and bear it all: your fears, your true feelings, your concerns...it became a little overwhelming. I mean, without going into too much detail (I know these sessions are supposed to be private but its MY life I can talk about it if I want to) there wasn't anything said that was negative its just like so REAL now and I feel a sudden sense of anxiety. I mean he was talking about the fact that a lot of people think that after they get married they're going to ride off into the sunset and are usually always disappointed with what they find marriage to be. and then he was saying that its not a matter of IF marriages have conflict but WHEN and HOW they solve them. And then of course he started talking about asking ourselves if GOD has truly ordained our union. Scary! And then something that really made me think was when he asked us why we wanted to get married -- not to each other, but why did we want to BE married. He wanted us to take each other out of the equation and to think about marriage all by itself. That was kind of hard question to answer. I mean what's the "right" answer? I know you should go into counseling with an open mind and with honest answers but I sort of feel intimidated all of a sudden. Like are there any WRONG answers? I am already starting to feel the pressure of planning the wedding -- and that only lasts a DAY, but trying to prepare for a marriage that lasts a lifetime. WHOA. That's a biggy. Anybody else had similar feelings of uneasiness or anxiety after attending their first PreM counseling session? Does it get better?