PW Guide Article: Dealing with your Divorced parents

grant8la submitted an article for the Project Wedding Guide. This is a community article that you can edit too!

Dealing with your Divorced parents

Accommodating your divorced parents at your wedding and reception can be a little tricky, especially if there is tension between the two of them. Here are some tips for navigating the challenge.

Dealing with your Divorced parents article photo

Feel free to comment on it here!
Posted on September 11, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Faity
1
10/17/2009
Faity

Faity

  • 1
  • 2
  • 31
23
Followers
27
Following

(17) Comments

Faity
1
10/17/2009
Faity

Faity

  • 1
  • 2
  • 31
23
Followers
27
Following

Faity

And what should you do if your biological father has not even known you were around until you graduated college?  He left my mom when I was 4 and I have not seen him I guess maybe at the most 25 times.  My mom remarried when I was 15 and then I had a true daddy.....You know that saying....Any man can be a "father" but it takes someone special to be a "daddy"....that is so true.  Maybe there should be an article about fathers or mothers not being in a bride's life until the bride has reached adulthood and how they should make both feel just as important on the wedding day!   And can you believe he called me and asked who was going to walk me down the aisle.....Get Real!!!!!  LOL

Posted on September 11, 2009 at 8:02 pm
mj1011
4
10/11/2009
mj1011

mj1011

  • 4
  • 9
  • 2.7k
45
Followers
49
Following

mj1011

Good advice! I've tried to avoid the "avoid conflict" one as much as possible.

Posted on September 11, 2009 at 8:05 pm
ottergirl
1
02/04/2010
ottergirl

ottergirl

  • 1
  • 5
  • 106
16
Followers
20
Following

ottergirl

I'm of a similar situation to Faity, there's no way I'd let me father walk me down the isle, he's lucky he's invited to the wedding. I've asked a good friend to walk me down the isle and have nipped any problems in the bud by telling my father in advance that he's been relieved of all his duties on the wedding day. He's alowed to come, but only on my terms.  

Posted on September 11, 2009 at 10:56 pm
eviltweet
1
08/21/2010
eviltweet

eviltweet

  • 1
  • 1
  • 1
2
Followers
6
Following

eviltweet

I wish that my situation was as simple as my parents being divorced. I lost my dad 10 yrs ago. It has been a hard way to go decideing if I want to do the father/daughter dance and who will stand in for my dad. My fiance's parents are divored and can't seem to get along, so this tip will come in handy for their situation.

Posted on July 16, 2010 at 2:40 pm
2dBride
4
10/06/2009
2dBride

2dBride

  • 4
  • 12
  • 2.24k
285
Followers
288
Following

2dBride

I'm so glad my kids will not face these issues!  Although their father and I have been divorced since 1996, we've cooperated on rearing them and being at their big events.  I am hoping that, in accordance with Jewish tradition, their father and I will both walk them down the aisle.  However, regardless of how they want to work things, both their father and I will be there and cheering them on.

Posted on July 16, 2010 at 2:44 pm
pinkninja
3
09/19/2010
pinkninja

pinkninja

  • 3
  • 12
  • 1.06k
183
Followers
187
Following

pinkninja

this is weird that this article showed up. we were just talking about this kind of stuff on the forum pages. its like PW is reading our minds!!

Posted on August 13, 2010 at 11:16 am
DreamingOfYou
10
12/31/2011
DreamingOfYou

DreamingOfYou

  • 10
  • 17
  • 13.4k
408
Followers
412
Following

DreamingOfYou

I wish my parents were on speaking terms.  

Posted on August 13, 2010 at 7:26 pm
erynnicole
1
06/18/2011
erynnicole

erynnicole

  • 1
  • 1
  • 1
2
Followers
6
Following

erynnicole

I am in this situation right now.  My wedding is in 5 weeks and I'm worried about my mom not cooperating.  My father has no problem talking to her or being by her but she seems to have a problem.  She will not talk to him about anything even if it has to do with us kids.  I hope since it is a special day she will just put it all behind her even for just that day.  Thanks for the advice

Posted on May 12, 2011 at 5:08 am
aswan87
4
07/30/2011
aswan87

aswan87

  • 4
  • 17
  • 4.26k
268
Followers
270
Following

aswan87

I have divorced parents and i'm having them both walk me down the Isle athough my dad is a little hurt by this decision my stepfather has been in my life and been the father figure to me that i deserve!

Posted on June 23, 2011 at 7:10 am
damid
1
09/23/2011
damid

damid

  • 1
  • 1
  • 1
2
Followers
6
Following

damid

ok so i have been dealing witht his exact issue for months now! I decided (more like my mom chimed in) to have my brother give me away...but when it comes to the dance we built in a 2nd father daughter dance and when THAT time comes I have the dj calling it a family dance and welcome everyone! I went to my step dad and discussed it w him ass thats where the hurt feelings will be (if there are any). Dad at dance 1 and stepdad = dance 2.


At this point i am no longer pleasing anyones feelings but myself and my groom.....Good luck to anyone else in this ship!

Posted on August 17, 2011 at 2:55 pm
EggerMason
1
05/05/2012
EggerMason

EggerMason

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
2
Followers
6
Following

EggerMason

My dad actually called to tell me not to sit him at the same table as my mom!


I'd already had him at table 1 with my mother-in-law as they get along and with his ex-sister-in-law and her husband and a set of my fiance's aunt & uncle as he's met/likes them all. I mean really-like I didn't think that sitting my dad with his ex and her 2nd husband (not a fan of his) would be akward-especially since he's been single since the divorce ('90). Not only that, I can't sit my mom with her own sister, so since my dad is still friendly with his ex sister-in-law (still visits her), why not separate them like that?


As for the parents having a say as who comes. NO. I, myself wanted my dad's best friend and his wife to come as I've known them all of my childhood and it felt right to invite them. Nice to see them, since I've only seen them once in 10 years. The list proposed by my mother-in-law had included people neither one of us has met, and only are friends with her.

Posted on March 29, 2012 at 6:33 am
RFLP
1
09/01/2012
RFLP

RFLP

  • 1
  • 3
  • 1
2
Followers
6
Following

RFLP

My wedding is in 5 weeks. My parents have been divorced and both remarried for almost 20 years but they still don't get along. My father even requested no pictures with my mother. My father is walking me down the aisle, my father is saying "her mother and I" when giving me away, I have them sitting at separate tables with family members at the reception. I will have my father/daughter dance with my dad first, then a 2nd dance with my stepfather. The issue I'm dealing with now is where do I have my stepmother sit at the bridal shower... Which is one week away. I planned on having my mother and future MIL at the head table with me but do not want my stepmother to feel left out. But I'd also hate to put my mother and her at the same table and a spat break out. Help!
Posted on July 26, 2012 at 2:08 am
Bre.Schindler
1
09/01/2012
2
Followers
6
Following

Bre.Schindler

Ohhh so happy/sorry to see I'm not the only one in this awful boat! It is very important for me to have my dad walk me down the aisle, but I also want to include my stepdad...I ran the idea of having them both do it by my dad, and he was more than opposed to it. He flat out said he wouldnt share the responsibility, so I had to choose. Both of my dads are so important to me, I don't want to hurt either one of them. Im getting married in just over a month and still don't know what to do! Any suggestions!?
Posted on July 26, 2012 at 4:24 am
fmsweyd
1
11/11/2012
fmsweyd

fmsweyd

  • 1
  • 2
  • 2
2
Followers
6
Following

fmsweyd

I am dealing with divorced parents as well, except they are my fiance's parents not mine. For you ladies who are struggling with pleasing the step-parents, do what feels right to YOU and your FIANCE, not what everyone else wants. You can listen to suggestions, but don't follow them if they hurt your feelings or put your fiance in an uncomfortable situation on the wedding day. Focus on what makes you happy and will make your wedding day perfect. Obviously, if the parents don't get along there will need to be concessions for everyone, but don't let that control your day. For my fiance and I, his mother is married to a true jerk with a selfish heart, and the man has always treated my fiance with disdain and contempt. I told fh and fmil that the man will have no part in our wedding because I do not want his selfish manner and completely evil ways to impose and ruin my wedding day, and I definitely don't want his snide comments to hurt my groom on his special day. Fmil is not happy about it and has given us many problems since we told her, but at the end of the day this is OUR wedding and not hers, what matters is that I will finally be married to the love of my life and have the freedom to love him with all the love and kindness he deserves and has not gotten from the people who have become selfish.


I hope all of you can work out any problems you may have before your big day!!! And just remember that what matters most is you and your wonderful fiance being married and spending the rest of your lives in pure bliss <3


PS. I think this article should have been sent out more than 5 weeks before the wedding, this should be at least three months out if not in the beginning because of the increase in divorced couples and likelihood that the brides and grooms on here will have to deal with them throughout the entire planning process not just on the day of.

Posted on October 5, 2012 at 7:09 am
mrsharris2012
4
09/02/2012
mrsharris2012

mrsharris2012

  • 4
  • 14
  • 2.08k
198
Followers
198
Following

mrsharris2012

My parents have been divorced for 20 years but it was still a tense thing when it came to seating at the wedding. My mom and step mom dont always get along but luckily on my day everyone was civil and even took pics together so all was well! Hopefully parents can put differences aside for your big day!

Posted on October 5, 2012 at 10:49 am
pm12367
1
12/01/2012
pm12367

pm12367

  • 1
  • 1
  • 2
2
Followers
6
Following

pm12367

My parents have been divorced for more than 10 years and my mother has a problem with the fact that my father has moved on. She always finds away to call attention to herself and play the victim roll, at our engagement party she acted up so bad that she had to be removed. So needless to say she will not be at our wedding and my father will walk me down the aisle. At first I thought that my family (her side) would have a problem with but only one of my aunts has voiced her concerns so she is not coming either, We will not let them ruin our day.

Posted on October 25, 2012 at 1:24 am
GermanBride2011
3
05/28/2011
GermanBride2011

GermanBride2011

  • 3
  • 16
  • 1.78k
748
Followers
751
Following

GermanBride2011

DH have divorced parents and it was a really hard situation on our wedding. But both did their "jobs" being lovely parents great. But only on the wedding day. His dad is sooo confused since the divorce in 2007. We don't see him much - but he didin't cared much about DH and his brother. But his Mum is so lovely. So for luck at least one in Law I love to death!

Posted on October 25, 2012 at 1:57 am

Have a question? Contact Support
Top Contributors this Week
Melo819
23 posts
Canooknic
19 posts
Kuppy13
19 posts
NicholeB
18 posts
jasmin77
16 posts
LauraSweet
16 posts