PW Guide Article: How to Deal with the Nightmare Mother-in-Law

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How to Deal with the Nightmare Mother-in-Law

Some brides-to-be are cursed with that nightmare mother-in-law! She knows much more than you about pretty much everything and you can hear that tiny sound of disapproval each time you mention a new idea or plan for the wedding.

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Posted on June 3, 2009 at 7:51 am
lypris
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10/10/2009
lypris

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(25) Comments

lypris
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10/10/2009
lypris

lypris

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lypris

It's hard to smile sometimes though...

Posted on June 3, 2009 at 7:51 am
Serendipity34
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08/20/2011
Serendipity34

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i know exactly what you mean!!

Posted on September 2, 2009 at 10:34 am
naenae823
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04/24/2010
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Luckily my FMIL is not a nightmare, but she's definately organized and on top of each and every detail.  Some of my ideas have not been as welcomed as I would hope. She has TONS of ideas and a vision that she'd love to implement. Ya'all catching my drift here? =)~

Posted on November 22, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Elocin626
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06/26/2010
Elocin626

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I am fortunate that I do not have a nightmare of a FMIL, but I can relate that during the wedding process there can be added tensions with both of our moms. It's important to remember that its our wedding... and all the criticism and suggestions we receive are only because all parties involved want the very best for us. Plus, it's a couples only honeymoon ;) no moms allowed!

Posted on November 22, 2009 at 4:08 pm
PSA
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04/03/2010
PSA

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I LOVE MY Mother in Law--SHe is so sweet--I stick up for her. Fi loves my mother as well--He's love her more if she spoke english and he spoke spanish :)

Posted on November 22, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Kickachica
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02/27/2010
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I was so hopeful when I saw this article, but unfortunately there isn't a ton of applicable advice for my situation. My FMIL and I are on the outs and the wedding is only 2 months away. Less than a week ago she decided to tell my fiance, and then me to my face, that I am "not good enough" for him and that she doesn't support our marriage. She also decided to add in that I am not as "beautiful or wealthy" as the women in his past and the she sees that he is "genuinely unhappy" in our relationship. Her only other explanation is that she thinks I am going to turn into a "mooch, and start popping out babies the minute we get married and then quite my job and sponge off her son" (her words, not mine). Even though my fiance sat right next to me and told her that none of these things are relevant or even true she refuses to budge on her stance.


Additionally she has backed out of her original offer to help pay for some of the wedding reception, and now my fiance and I have personally lost nearly $2,000 in non-refundable deposits to the caterer and venue that we cannot afford on our own. This is especially sad because she offered the help to us on her own, we never asked for it at all. I have been very budget concious throughout our wedding planning, and we even spent considerably less than she offered to contribute.


My fiance and I are both stunned and heartbroken over her sudden disapproval of our upcoming marriage, and are baffled that she hasn't said anything earlier since we have dated for nearly 5 years.


Has anyone else been through a similar situation? I am desperate for advice.

Posted on January 3, 2010 at 12:14 pm
SoonToBeMrsGerber
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09/04/2010
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SoonToBeMrsGerber

unfortunatley i have a nightmare FMIL. she is just so hard headed. & she has the problem of not thinking before she speaks!!! she can be so hurtfull at times. i have asked the my mom, grandma & my FI's step- mom & his mom to corporate with the wedding attire that day. every other "mother" figure is ok with what i have asked them to wear. all i want is floor length dresses. she doesn't want to. she wants to wear something from her closet. she doesn't realize she has no style at all. and i am afraid she will look way under dressed for the occassion. i don't know how to confront her with out being rude. unlike her i don't like to hurt peoples feelings! so kickachica i have no advice for you, but if you hear something good let me know, & i will do the same. Good luck, i am sorry she is being that way with you.

Posted on January 4, 2010 at 8:37 am
amarie
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06/20/2010
amarie

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We are dealing with cultural differences. I am much more open to incorporating my fiance's culture than he is (he's very Americanized) so I get to look like the good guy-thankfully- in MIL's eyes by using elements from their Chinese tradition in our western wedding and encouraging a separate traditional Chinese banquent a week later. The MIL is very pleased with me but the grandmother doesn't seem to get how much I am trying. She is annoyed that the wedding is not on a "lucky day" by the Chinese calendar, but she didn't get around to giving us suggestions on days until well after we had put down deposits. THe day is not unlucky, but not the best in her opinion and she keeps going on about how are Chinese zodiac signs are not compatible. My fiance and I don't believe in that at all and so while we are diplomatic, the grandmother is NOT. Hello- I am Caucasian, obviously I am doing a lot of Chinese elements in the wedding that are not in my comfort zone  or tradition so she needs to meet us halfway.

Posted on January 17, 2010 at 6:41 am
WestLA
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07/31/2010
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-I need to rush to my florist appt. so I have to make this quick, sorry for the grammatical errors--just to start off, this is my first post really on anything (I could probably post about just anything, including sites like Yelp, but I'm just honestly lazy to the public-though I'd spend pages writing to a friend about recommending an idea), having mentioned that, I couldn't help but to feel for my fellow future bride ladies that are dealing with this current issue.  I'm planning for my 2nd marriage right now (I'd like to stay rather anonymous on the public site), but part of the reason my 1st marriage ended was because I had the MIL and SIL from the deep dark depths of hell, it really turned my husband sour-to the point of letting go, and not wanting to try and work it out.  We dated for 7 years before marriage, and he was known to be such a faithful guy, and he mentioned that we needed to be sure for marriage before tying the knot becus there's no option of divorce.  well...you never know because the heartbreak I had to deal with on a regular basis (and the in-Laws were out of state!) killed our first year of marriage and he chose family over me because he had to stay loyal to them instead of trying to have us become harmonious--just FYI his family are traditional Asian (I'm more Americanized).  This article isn't helpful in giving after-wedding tips.  Honestly, you have to deal with the issues now if you see it coming--mine was more IMMEDIATELY after the marriage tho I can email with the few you want to talk.  I had the most horrible desires for the wedding-I mean beyond comprehensible, and they should be flags on how selfish the people can be.  You guys should seek counseling on how to deal with in-Laws and compromise, also sometimes you'll have to be the bigger person and suck it up even if it hurts, but you have to be willing to do this, while not losing yourself.  I lost myself, felt low, and didn't feel the support I needed from husband.  If he' going to be the man and stick by you and give you the love and support you need it makes wonders...if not, you're going to be depressed and lose yourself while losing him...I don't wish that on any of my girls.  I have a heart and compassion for you gals that are dealing with it, so if you just need someone to vent with-I'm here! xo -the lady who wrote his mom doesn't think you're good enough, uhh girl, I feel you.



Posted on February 27, 2010 at 8:16 am
bridezilla101610
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10/16/2010
bridezilla101610

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I thank God that my FMIL and I have a good relationship. I pray that this will forever remain so :)

Posted on February 27, 2010 at 8:16 am
aly23999
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09/18/2010
aly23999

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thanks for posting this article

Posted on February 27, 2010 at 8:17 am
cheer_gurl_6265
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cheer_gurl_6265

Ok so I love my future mother in law to pieces but ever since my fiance and I got engaged she has been a complete nightmare. We have had a few differences in the past but nothing serious and even before we got engaged we were talking about marriage and she has always been supportive. But lately things have gotten crazy. She has being throwing some serious tantrums over my fiance trying to separate his phone bill from hers and about getting his own vehicle (something he has been trying 2 do for the past 3 years but she keeps telling him that there is no reason 2). So when he tried 2 seperate his phone bill she threw such a fit that he got back on her plan but had 2 do so with a new contract so now he is in it with her for another 2years and we are getting married in 3 months. She finally let him get a vehicle but she went and got it herself and drew out a loan and he pays her directly 4 the loan. She didn't ask him, she just did it. And she made him sign a contract with her saying that If he decides 2 get a new vehicle, the current one goes 2 her. So he isn't allowed 2 sell it and get some of the money back that he is paying. Also the vehicle is in her name still. But tonight my fiance called 2 tell me that his mother informed him that she is going 2 buy his wedding ring. That made me very upset because first of all that is my job.....my gift 2 him and secondly she claims that she can't afford 2 help pay 4 anything but she can buy his ring? My parents are paying 4 EVERYTHING. The wedding, the rehearsal dinner, reception, his cake, his tux, his groomsmen's tuxes, my dress, my bridesmaid's dresses....EVERYTHING. And she refuses 2 have anything 2 do with plans because I didn't invite her 2 go wedding shopping with me and my mom.....which I didn't want her 2 come because that was time that I wanted 2 spend just with my mom.... So now she refuses 2 help and she tells everyone that we are leaving her out. We had made a decision 2 get an apartment in the city that I work in because it was 30 minutes away from both of our parents....so we would be close enough 2 visit but far enough away 2 have some space. But she threw a fit over that and told us that we needed 2 get a house that was right across the street from her. Then she changed her mind and wanted us 2 get a house 5 minutes from her.....point being it had 2 be in the same city. So we agreed that a house would be nice but that we still weren't thrilled about being so close. So we kept looking and found one that we were interested in that used 2 be his grandfather's and a friend of the family offered is a good price 4 it as a starter home. But now she is throwing a fit because she wants us 2 buy some land and a nice country home instead because she knows that is what we are ultimately searching 4 but we can't afford it.....but the catch is that she wants us 2 build a cabin about an acre or 2 behind our house If we decide 2 buy some land and build......I cannot take it anymore.....this woman is driving me nuts.....I love my fiance very much and I know that his mother means a lot 2 him and she does 2 me as well but I'm having a really hard time biting my tongue.....HELP!
Posted on April 2, 2010 at 6:08 pm
MadMadame
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12/29/2010
MadMadame

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I feel that I got lucky in this.....I'm not a big fan of mothers anyway (to include my own), but FMIL is offering to pay for a significant chunk of our wedding/helping out with various other things, and she's really not that bad......I don't think she likes me *that* much, but we're growin on each other.


 


and, it helps that she's in Atlanta and FI and I are in Cleveland (OH)-so it's not like we have the opportunity to get on each others' nerves that much. ;) lol!

Posted on April 2, 2010 at 7:48 pm
cmejias222
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10/08/2010
cmejias222

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My FMIL is nuts. Ive tried to make her happy but its impossible b/c she's really not sane. Fortunately my fiance is level headed and he is fully aware of her antics. We make a good team when it comes to dealing with her and her drama.

Posted on May 10, 2010 at 6:38 am
nnifer75
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10/16/2010
nnifer75

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I know she means no harm but at the same time you do not have to suggest something every time you get an idea.  I made mention that I would love a three string trio to play the ceremony – She knows a guy.  She knows a guy for the flowers, for my dress, for EVERYTHING. I wanted a 50 person wedding – her first list had over 100 people on it.  She think’s it’s a must to do the candle lighting – I said that is not what is important to me.  It’s a symbol of you two uniting.  Standing in front of God, family, and friends is symbol enough.  I’m aggravated, annoyed, and tried of being “polite”.  Thank you for letting me vent!

Posted on May 15, 2010 at 7:24 am
DreamingOfYou
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12/31/2011
DreamingOfYou

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My MIL is the devil incarnate.  I didn't give her that nickname...her OWN kids did. 

Posted on May 15, 2010 at 7:27 am
gidget
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12/18/2010
gidget

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oh lordy! im soooo happy my fmil lives over 400 miles away! lol

Posted on May 15, 2010 at 8:21 am
MissAmerica
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08/20/2011
MissAmerica

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MissAmerica

My FMIL is rather checked out from all our planning, and wedding period. Part of me misses having a FMIL that "cares" about our wedding and offers her help and support, but I guess I could consider myself "lucky" that I don't have a meddling one constantly on my back and bashing my ideas... Grass is always greener on the other side...?

Posted on March 20, 2011 at 10:18 am
shelbyhokulani
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04/07/2012
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shelbyhokulani

i can't help but notice that everytime i see "FMIL" i think "FML", and that's exactly how i feel. my FMIL is controlling, beyond belief. fiance is an only child, so i'm sure that's all the explanation thats really needed. it's getting out of hand, she holds so much over his head, almost like black mail. thank goodness we'll be moving after we get married, to a secured military base somewhere, so she can't just drop in whenever she pleases.

Posted on November 5, 2011 at 7:51 am
Yolie622
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09/29/2012
Yolie622

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As I was reading this I was like Please Help Me. Nope no resolution yet. my Fml is a devil in burning draws. My fiance is the only child & his mom doesnt like me (unknown reason why) & presses negative things in his head about me & how he better not marry me. She lives a few blocks from Him & sees him every saturday. Uugh. Luckily she is NOT helping me with the wedding. My Mom passed away & I thought she was gonna help, but since we got engaged all her politeness went out the door. 5 months can't come fast enough.

Posted on December 18, 2011 at 8:13 pm
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