PW Guide Article: RSVP Gripes

grant8la submitted an article for the Project Wedding Guide. This is a community article that you can edit too!

RSVP Gripes

Planning a wedding and working to make everything come together for one special, perfect day can be difficult. This is especially true if the people around you (the family, wedding party and guests) aren?t cooperating the way you?d like them to.

RSVP Gripes article photo
photo by: Union Photography


Feel free to comment on it here!
Posted on November 13, 2009 at 6:13 am
tiffani1980
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03/19/2010
tiffani1980

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(29) Comments

tiffani1980
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03/19/2010
tiffani1980

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I agree somewhat with this article. I do not think people should have to give an "excuse" as to why they declined an RSVP. And maybe it is me being petty, but I don't think the bride/groom/planner should follow up a missing RSVP with a call. If I send out a Save-The-Date,  and in my case, a separate flyer (destination wedding) with the travel agent info, pricing, date, and resort info, then an invitation with an RSVP (with a stamp)...why do I still need to call? I have people who begged to be invited then never returned the RSVP. I'm NOT calling, emailing, sending a smoke signal, nothing! People know if they are coming or not, so I don't think it's our responsibility to track people down and hold their hand while we are planning the wedding.

Posted on November 13, 2009 at 6:13 am
ericandebony
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05/01/2010
ericandebony

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@ tiffani1980  I agree

Posted on December 29, 2009 at 1:12 am
d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
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ditto tiffani!!!!


 

Posted on December 29, 2009 at 1:18 am
Claire27
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I feel very lucky in the fact that I'm doing a DW and the venue is providing a report to me monthly (then weekly when it gets closer) as to who has booked rooms or not - if they don't return the RSVP, well I still have the room report so I know who is coming or not!

Posted on December 29, 2009 at 1:26 am
chnick
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05/29/2010
chnick

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chnick

That's my biggest problems at the moment...


My wedding is in May, but the hotel can only reserve the rooms until early Feb. We need to book then. So we asked our guests to RSVP at the end of Jan lastest.


Our invitations (we mailed already in October) just had our wedding homepage's address (which has all details on it) and our full contact information. 2/3 haven't RSVP yet and I'm getting nervous. There is still a month to go, but I'm wondering if someone might have problems getting online or sth. similar. On the other hand - everybody has our phone no. and could just call.


It's probably normal to be so freaked out, I guess/hope/figure...

Posted on December 29, 2009 at 1:40 am
Claire27
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chnick - don't panic yet!  Remember that alot of people get wrapped up in Christmas and probably figured they'd take care of it after the holidays =)

Posted on December 29, 2009 at 1:47 am
cctheactress
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05/22/2010
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I've never heard of writing an explanation for a decline & I wouldn't expect one. 

Posted on January 17, 2010 at 1:55 am
WeddingBella
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06/26/2010
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Okay...I have to say that I think hounding a person is very tacky.  While I think it is nice to give a reason for not attending a wedding, I certainly don't think it's necessary.  I also think it is somewhat low-class to follow up with a person: GET OVER YOURSELF.  I think following up would be good if you have a close friend or relative who did not show, but certainly not EVERY person!  One thing that I am happy to realize is this: contrary to stupid reality shows that have made it socially acceptable to be rude and self-centered on one's wedding day, I have the sense to know that THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND ME JUST BECAUSE I AM A BRIDE.  I say, be polite and do call if a RSVP is not mailed; if that call gets ignored, then assume that person is not coming to the wedding...and just remember it for next time there is a milestone celebration in your life.  :)

Posted on February 21, 2010 at 1:13 am
chrissybear
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08/28/2010
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I can definitely see getting aggravated with people who don't send their RSVP and I do think it is a good idea to follow up with those people. These events cost money and I am sure their have been instances where people came without an RSVP. A follow up call isnt rude or impolite its a mature solution. I have already sent out my invites and my wedding is in August and I have been recieving an RSVP daily.

Posted on April 25, 2010 at 10:25 am
twoyearengagement
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twoyearengagement

While I would feel a little disappointed with "no", I wouldn't call them up . An RSVP is just that - if they say no, then they're not coming for one reason or another. I don't expect my guests to have to justify why they're not coming by way of an excuse.


The other thing I don't agree with is :


Half RSVPs -


Another RSVP gripe is if you actually do receive the RSVP for an invitation which allows for one guest to accompany the recipient - but the recipient doesn't inform you that a guest will also be coming.  This can make it difficult to get an accurate head count for the food, favors, etc.  If you aren't sure whether the recipient is bringing a guest to the wedding, always assume that they are.  Again, having too many chairs and places is better than not having enough.



Our reception dinner is costing approx. $150 per head. I certainly don't want to be paying $150 a head on the offchance that the 'guest' is coming, or be faced with empty seats at tables. I would much rather call and verify rather than assume.

Posted on April 25, 2010 at 11:05 am
twoyearengagement
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double post grrr
Posted on April 25, 2010 at 11:05 am
jennypaul87
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good post. I agree with the not wanting to assume on half rsvps- but you're completely right to say call! People get off their butts and get information to you when you're on the phone with them and they have no escape! lol

Posted on April 25, 2010 at 11:09 am
willowade
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10/02/2010
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a family member recently upset a relative by not including them despite them sending an RSVP.  the rsp had not been scrbed and so they had not known who it was from or if it was an acceptance or refusal. to aleviate this, i have numbered my rsvp so when i receive them back, i can use the numbers to correspond with the people they were sent to.  so far it has not been a problem but i have one less worry..

Posted on May 30, 2010 at 9:32 am
MrsT2B
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11/07/2014
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I totally agree with Tiffani1980...We don't have the same name for nothin' (lol)...


I've already had an issue in regards to guests (close friends) who did not rsvp when it came down to my engagement party (April '10). They did not rsvp and were not included. In my eyes, if our friendship was important enough, they would have rsvp'd within the time frame given. I got responses like, "Oh Tiff you knew I was coming," or "Oh Tiff, I forgot, when is the engagement party again?" That last one was like a slap in the FACE and you would not believe that it has been 7 months later and I have not heard from those same people. It was 3 in particular and I work every night with 2 of the 3. They don't day a word! What the hell are you mad for? I was upset in the beginning but we had a blast and I'm over it. The party went on with or without their presence...


Sorry I just had to vent...but LOVE the article  =)

Posted on November 28, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Deechic1
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06/26/2010
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what about those people who RSVP last minute? Especially for more than was on their invitation, which we went ahead and made an exception, and then none of them showed anyway and we paid per head :( we still had fun anyway but man so frustrating

Posted on November 29, 2010 at 11:43 am
lex484
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07/02/2011
lex484

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I agree with Tiffani.... I don't see the point in making a follow up call to find out as to why exactly someone chose to not come. Maybe they couldn't afford to make the trip or whatever and they prefer not say why, or may even get mad feeling like they need to explain themselves. If they can't come, they can't come. Besides, who has to time to make those calls anyway? We have enough stuff going on!

Posted on February 26, 2011 at 1:31 pm
scgirl
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10/16/2010
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In the age of the e-vite and facebook, the tradtional invitation (having to mail an RSVP) has all but disappeared for parties (except weddings). I think you should absolutely call if you did not receive the RSVP. There are several scenarios including never recieving the invite, RSVP getting lost in the mail, guest lost RSVP, forgot, figured that verbal communication was enough etc. Herding guests are like herding cats..i.e. impossible! 

Posted on February 26, 2011 at 1:44 pm
msroxy
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10/15/2012
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Great tips! My friends aren't exactly the formal type, so getting an RSVP out of everyone may be a bit of a challenge.

Posted on March 5, 2011 at 7:36 pm
nubianqueen
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09/18/2011
nubianqueen

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I am not wasting my time to call decliners. I don't take offense to them declining and don't really care why they are not coming. No harm done. Instead I appreciate them declining on an RSVP instead of saying nothing and not coming.
Posted on May 15, 2011 at 3:49 am
lorna247
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07/30/2011
lorna247

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I agree, would prefer a no than nothing at all. At least then I dint have to wonder. If I don't receive and RSVP the assumption is no. If they show up then it means the invite was received. It also means they can leave just as easily as they will have no seat, meal or drinks. so SO ignorant!
Posted on May 15, 2011 at 5:43 am
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