Reasons for having a baby

Hello ladies,


I haven't been here in about a hundred years, I am sure 99% of you are not familiar with me or my wedding.


I want to hear genuine reasons for having a baby. I have slim to no interest in becoming a Mother, but since the clock is ticking, I would like to hear reasons why those of you who have babies, and have experienced no sleep, major weight gain, giving up your careers, leaking lactose and having to care for someone 24/7, would recommend embarking upon parenthood.


I  respectfully encourage the Mothers amongst you to reply to this post, and not women who might have a romanticized notion of what this life changing event actually entails.


 Bring it on! Thank you in advance. 

Posted on April 6, 2013 at 10:16 am
Katiae45
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06/06/2011
Katiae45

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(12) Comments

Canooknic
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07/19/2013
Canooknic

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Canooknic

Hi Katia!!! Your bio was one of the first I looked at when I joined PW, it was a wonderful wedding xx

Until I was 30 I NEVER wanted kids. My friends and relatives were popping them out and I couldn't understand why! All I heard was how tired they were, how they missed out on X and Y because they couldn't get a babysitter - it was my worst nightmare! I'm not an 'all babies are beautiful' kind of girl (my boys were not cute when they were born!!). I don't coo and get broody when I see other people's kids.

When FI and I got together something clicked and I just had to have them! I suddenly wanted to be that family I saw feeding ducks at the pond or eating ice-cream on the beach.

Don't get me wrong, there are days where I would happily put my boys in a box for a couple of days and go back to my child free carefree days but they are greatly outnumbered by the days that I love being a mom. My boys are almost 5 and they love learning, it is amazing to see them doing math or speaking a few French words that I have taught them, it is a very rewarding experience and it makes me excited to see what sort of adults they will become.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not having children, my 2 best friends have both decided they don't want kids despite all the pressure placed on them by family, and I think it is the best decision either of them could ever make. I can't give you reasons for having a baby, it's something you'll feel if its right (in my opinion), I could give you 100 reasons not to but none of them would convince me to turn back the clock and not have my boys.
Posted on April 6, 2013 at 10:57 am
leese33
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05/17/2014
leese33

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leese33

HI hunni...i agree with her (Canooknic) i can express why you shouldnt and i can express why you should...but it is something thats inside you ...it have nothing to do with the other person(out side ppl) my hubby and i have six children and we thought we was done...until my yougest son passed away....it is so hard for us and our family that we have decided to have another child....we are not trying to replace him ...WE COULD NEVER ...we are trying to cope...i love all of my children....i love the way they grow and learn and how help they are and how funny they can be ...i love the way they care and love and i love the way they love eachother ...ppl may be against us having another baby but if that means that is another good person in the world why not....if something dont turn inside of you to have a child...then dont attempt it... i can say though i had a friend that had the same attitude about children until she can up pregnant( trust me she was furious about being pregnant until she heard the baby heart beat ....change her life forever...she would even say she wouldnt go back in time..

Posted on April 6, 2013 at 12:33 pm
leni8
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07/13/2013
leni8

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leni8

Well i'm just were you are.. I never had any interest on litle children and the hole thing freaks me out a litle!


And let me tell you the frou-frou stories didn't help at all!


But surprisingly, one thing did. A book. Bill Cosby's book "Fatherhood". It's so real and no sugarcoating but so funny that made my think "ok! I want all that shit" hahaha

Posted on April 6, 2013 at 12:49 pm
Katiae45
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06/06/2011
Katiae45

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Katiae45

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the replies. Canooknic, thanks for the kind words!


Leni, I want to check out that book and see if it changes my mind about things. 


Anyone else?

Posted on April 6, 2013 at 2:31 pm
Katiae45
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06/06/2011
Katiae45

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Katiae45

Leese, I am so sorry about your loss, truly. Thank you for sharing.

Posted on April 6, 2013 at 6:19 pm
aggiebride
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02/04/2012
aggiebride

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aggiebride

Well, to be perfectly honest, if you have no interest, why are you thinking about it?


I wouldn't let outside pressure dictate how you and DH live your lives out. I personally have no interest in having my own children, and am not going to put someone who should be everything to me be an afterthought or a "because that's what you do when you get married."


I don't doubt people who feel similiarly to me could be good parents or that after the fact your mind would be changed, but really, someone ELSE's reasons should not convince you.

Posted on April 7, 2013 at 9:10 am
thechelsi
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07/07/2012
thechelsi

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thechelsi

I agree with Amanda - theres no reason why you can't choose NOT to have kids! If its not what you want, don't try to convince yourself! Its okay to just be happily married =D

Posted on April 7, 2013 at 11:59 am
zeuster
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11/01/2011
zeuster

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zeuster

"I would like to hear reasons why those of you who have babies, and have experienced no sleep, major weight gain, giving up your careers, leaking lactose and having to care for someone 24/7, would recommend embarking upon parenthood"


I would never recommend parenthood for anyone as it is not for everyone. I will share my story. If you were to ask my friends in high school they would have voted me the least likely to parent anyone. I always wanted a career first and foremost. But sometimes life has a different path then the one we want or think we want. I never wanted to be a parent not ever. Part of the reason for this was because my mother ran a childcare and those kids were always with us. When we took a vacation some of the daycare kids and their families went with us, when we went to church they came with us and so on...  At church when there was a major event my mom was in charge of the food and the childcare which meant my sister and were watching kids from  infants on up.


When I was 21 I found my self pregnant with my first child and I was so distraught at how I had "messed up my life". I was so distraught that I thought about giving my son up for adoption. Then I had a thought he didn't ask to be here and just as he probably would not have chosen me to be his parent I owed him the best life possible. I chose to raise him.


He is now 23.  I also have an 18 year old and a 12 year old. I also have a certificate in Early Childhood Development have worked on the office side of childcare as well as as a childcare assistant. This was not the life I had planned for me. None the less it is my life and I would not trade places with anyone. I love my kids and would do anything for them.


I could give you reasons for having kids and just as many for not having kids but its not my place to decide for you or to sway you one way or the other. My whole life my father has told me he wished he never had kids which for the life of me I will never understand why would you even say that. My MIL is the same way she tells my kids all the time she doesn't understand why we had them and how much she dislikes them and me. My kids have become immune to it they take their $50 gift card at christmas and their birthday and give her the obiligtory hug and we move on.



I don't know if I have answered your questions or not. Let me ask you this are you thinking about having kids or just because you feel like your biological clock is ticking that it might be too late? Do you think you might regret not having kids? How does your spouse feel? Are you looking for reasons to justify having kids? I am just curious as to why your post.

Posted on April 7, 2013 at 1:02 pm
shneffer
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07/29/2011
shneffer

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shneffer

I agree with the ladies who said that you shouldn't consider children if you don't truly want them. Before I had my daughter, who's 9 months old, I always wanted 2 children. I just figured that's what everyone did. I never considered anything elsed. Then I had Megan -my pregnancy was a good one, relatively easy and minimal morning sickness. The birth wasn't that bad as I had an epidural. My recovery after having her however, is another story. I was in pain for about 8 weeks -I never thought it would take that long to feel like "myself" again. I consider myself lucky in a sense though because you hear about parents whose baby wakes up every night for many, many months. Megan started sleeping through the night at 3 months and hasn't woken up during the night since, except for one night when she was sick. I'm now considering not having any more children, which to some people is a taboo in itself. I've read about how by not giving him/her a sibling is punishing your child, but I honestly don't think I want to go through the pain that came with after the birth, and having to try balance the needs of two children when I'm perfectly happy with just one just because it's not the "norm." At the end of the day it's our lives and we are the only ones who can ultimately decide what is right for us so if you feel satisfied with just you and DH, you should keep it that way :)

Posted on April 7, 2013 at 4:28 pm
Shenanigans
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09/05/2010
Shenanigans

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Shenanigans

I was you for a loooong time. I had slim interest in having children. My clock was in no way ticking and I was in no rush to plan a family, let alone have a family. Four months after the wedding I was pregnant and due in September 2011. Pregnancy was miserable. I refuse to sugarcoat it. Why some women LOVE being pregnant is beyond me. I never had that "glow", I never felt like "eating for two", and I certainly wasn't okay with the weight gain. I was so sick from 6 weeks until the day I gave birth.


 


But those moments during pregnancy that you feel the baby move, you feel the baby have hiccups, you see that little human on the ultrasound screen… those are incredible. You're growing a freaking human! It's soooo cool and freaky at the same time. Then there is the moment you give birth and hold your mini for the first time. Words cannot express what happens then. It's beyond amazing. Beyond a miracle. It's pure love and joy.


 


Then comes everything with taking care of the baby. The sleepless nights, the constant bags under your eyes, your addiction to coffee to function, the body changes, blah blah blah. Is it horrible? Yes. But is it worth it? You bet your butt it is. You get to watch this little baby grow and learn and turn into a little person that needs you and loves you unconditionally.


 


My daughter is 18 months and has yet to sleep through the night. She's had a little attitude since she was conceived. She's fiesty, she's crazy, and she is awesome. I couldn't imagine life without her. Watching her learn from me, copy me, become an independent toddler has changed me for the better. The colic, the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums, the giving up "myself", has all been worth it to have her in my life.

Will I ever have another kid? Nope! I'm too selfish to give "myself" up again. Would I go back and not have my daughter? Never! I think if you have any desire, even if it is the smallest sliver of a desire, I think you should entertain the idea. 

Posted on April 11, 2013 at 12:26 pm
Katiae45
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06/06/2011
Katiae45

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Katiae45

Shenanigans, all I can say it: 'Bravo!!!'


Thank you for such an honest and truthful reply. Much congratulations to you, I remember you planning your wedding, had no idea you had a baby. Certainly food for thought.

Posted on April 11, 2013 at 1:22 pm
pinktulip
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07/30/2011
pinktulip

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pinktulip

Great question Katiae!  I don't know how it is to be a mother but I want children one day.  Not now, but one day.  I just have so much love to give, I want to give it to a little person that is made from us.  I am very close to my cousins and they have kids. I see how hard it is for them, but also how wonderful it is.  I just want to make sure I am super ready when the time comes. 

Posted on April 11, 2013 at 7:15 pm

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