Removing ourselves from toxic inlaws

So I think most of you know about my situation with my inlaws. We don't see eye to eye on morals and general lifestyle. My SIL likes to rub it in that she got pregnant by accident and I have fertility issues and am having a hard time conceiving. The entire family does drugs and we are having a hard time thinking about them being around our child when we do finally have a baby.


My MIL treats my DH like crap. She has ruined our finances and credit for the long term, making it impossible for us to buy a home. She uses us and only calls when she wants something, and then says really rude things when we can't help her.


My BIL is a stoner with no purpose in life, when we go over there he hides in his bedroom and ignores us knocking at the door.


Anyway! So I'm sure you've all heard story after story. It has gotten a lot worse in the last year. Last year before our wedding we decided to move back to our home town where we both grew up with our families. To be around family because they "missed us" when we moved back, the shit hit the fan. They have been rude and we feel so unwelcome here. We moved back for them, and they have only been to our place (two blocks from their house) twice in the last year.


SO we have decided to move back to where we came from (about an hour north from where we are) Greeley, CO. It was always a nice distance from them for privacy and drama reasons, and if they miss us so much, they can make the effort to drive up and see us. There were things we hated about Greeley, but when we look back there were a lot of things we miss as well. I once thought this was my home town... but I was wrong. when DH and I made a life for ourselves in Greeley, we made it home. So it's time to go home ...


:)

Posted on January 27, 2010 at 4:31 pm
heartsetfreebylove
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heartsetfreebylove

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(9) Comments

odessa33
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odessa33

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odessa33

You know how I think about these people! You really do need to separate yourselves from them to have a happier, healthier life. But I hope you're not letting the In-laws chase you away from your own family if that's where you really want to be! You can't let them control your life, so if you're moving JUST to get away from then it's not a good idea you'll just resent them even more. But if you guys want to move and have only been staying for their sake, then forget them and go be happy where you want to be! Let me tell ya, distance does not fix this crap.


I'm sorry for you guys that you're dealing with this. I know how it is when you do everything you can to try to create a real loving family but that is ruined by their toxicity.


good luck wherever you live!

Posted on January 27, 2010 at 11:50 pm
heartsetfreebylove
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heartsetfreebylove

heartsetfreebylove

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heartsetfreebylove

Odessa,


My family is all moving away from the town too. So that really factors into our decision. After this summer, the only family we will have left are DHs family. Meaning we will have to see them even more! AH!


My sister is going to college in greeley (the town we want to move back to) so I would be up there around her, and if she was alone or starving to death I could help her out. It scares me for my lil sis to be far away all by herself, shes not as independant as I was when I moved out at 17.


My mom was recently evicted from her apartment here in longmont (LOOOOONG story) and her and the apartment complex are in the middle of a settlement (my mom fell and permanently injured herself due to the apartments negligence) she is moving to brighton with my aunt (brighton is about 15 mins away from where we will live). When she gets on her feet again and moves out of there, she is considering moving up to Greeley as well to be around me and my sis.


My father is trying to sell his house, and I don't know where he plans on going, Oregon, maybe even greeley with us! But my grandpa lives up by greeley and so my dad would see us every weekend unless he moved outta state.


We broke the news to everyone yesterday, and my family was incredibly supportive of our decision. My lil sister was so excited about it all knowing she will not be all alone up there. DH's family... not so much. They started telling us we are stupid and don't know what we want, that we move every year and its a burden on them because they always help us load up the penske truck. That one day we are going to run out of money and end up living in a box or something.... really fantastic people I tell you what...


So we are about 95/5 right now about this. We just want to see the interior of the house and confirm its as nice as the pictures are, and we also want to spend  a few nights in the town again, staying with a friend or at a hotel, hang out at our old favorite places, take a walk in the park we got married at (in greeley) and decide for sure if this is the right choice... it sure feels right though.

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 7:00 am
BlingBride22
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BlingBride22

Though I get along with my in-laws better now than before I would still love to move away from them.... My family is thinking of moving in the next year, right around the time that we are thinking of moving and if that happens than we will still be close to my family, but far enough away from the in-laws.... I don't like the fact that they come over and judge my house and how clean it is.... The reason I know they do this is because they literally make comments like, "oh look how clean the house is", right after they swipe my counter tops for dust.... I am a neat freak so they aren't going to find anything! I just think that it is rude to come over to some ones house and make comments like that.... The only thing is if we do move I don't want them to think that they can spend the night.... 

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 7:56 am
heartsetfreebylove
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heartsetfreebylove

heartsetfreebylove

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heartsetfreebylove

Brit! My inlaws do the same thing! They came over and I had just rolled up the vacuum and my SIL goes "wow... I don't think I've ever seen it clean in here."


WTF gives you the right to say that? lol

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 8:33 am
BlingBride22
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I know it bugs so bad! I am not a dirty person so I know that they just say those things to be mean.... I would never go to some ones house and make comments about how clean their house is! I don't like them coming over to our house, it just makes me uncomfortable and I shouldn't feel uncomfortable in my own home.... Also, we don't really keep beer in the house my husband has his mini fridge in the garage, but even then he doesn't really drink at home.... So his brother came over and goes into our fridge and says, "what the heck you guys don't have beer? I would never let my fridge look like that".... (meaning he would never NOT have beer in the house) I was like WTH are you serious? His brother has a drinking problem.... We can't even go out to dinner with him without him getting drunk and acting a fool.... We rarely hang out with him for this reason....

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 9:14 am
heartsetfreebylove
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heartsetfreebylove

heartsetfreebylove

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heartsetfreebylove

Sounds like we are in similar situations! My in laws are pot heads. And they can not sit for 20 minutes without smoking a bowl, which is prob why they never come over because I caught them smoking in my bathroom once, and there was no holding me back lol


 

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 9:22 am
BlingBride22
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OMG I don't blame you! I would have gone ape $hit on them! I just don't like how his brother can't do ANYTHING without having to drink or talk about how drunk he got that weekend! Oh and when we go out to dinner my DH only has about 2 drinks and me 0 to him and his FI's 8 drinks and his brother always wants to split the bill! I mean if we had equally the amount of food and drinks then ya BUT we don't! 

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 9:37 am
odessa33
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odessa33

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I'm glad you are getting away from them! Obviously they bring nothing positive and healthy to your lives.


We live over 5 hours away from my monster-in-law but somehow she still manages to mess with our happiness! If I lived anywhere near her I think I would seriously be in danger of ending up in prison!

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 12:29 pm
heartsetfreebylove
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heartsetfreebylove

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Monster in law lol that's awesome!


Ya I think it's going to be the best all around. I still have some hesitation, just thinking we moved here for a reason, why do we think we should move back where we came from, but it's something I can not explain in words, not even to myself...


It's a kind of euphoric feeling that I got in that town. A feeling I haven't had since last May when we moved here. Even just going for a bike ride around town, going to dinner at our favorite resteraunt, bowling, I just have so many great memories.


Also, I never felt exhausted. I feel completely drained everyday here. I don't know if it's just me getting older, my job, or the stress of the in laws, but on my days off all I do is sleep. When we lived there we always did something active on our days off of work, we were always out and about and enjoying life. I feel like we are just sitting around waiting for something to happen here, and it's not going to.


 

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 4:07 pm

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