ring

Hey. I'm totally new to this. But I really need some advice. My guy proposed October 1st. The proposal was....eh. but that's not the point. I love him So much and have been looking forward to marrying him for what seems forever. We have been dating almost 5 years. We have a great relationship and life together. Now for my issue. I hate my engagement ring and wedding band. It came as a set. The wedding band is thin and can not be worn by itself, it locks into the engagement ring. He didn't spend very much on the set either. I know money is not the issue. I just feel I'm going to have this forever and 500.00 is cheaper than his computer he will have to replace several times over his lifetime. The ring is nothing like what we looked at. And it hurts my feelings that people say its "cute" and "simple" I don't need nor want a huge ring. But I did want some bling. I feel like he didn't care. Even though he says he looked for weeks. I believe it was the price tag and not the meaning of it.I don't know what to do. People say pick out a weddinh band you want. Well I baby do that. Mine is a cute simple set. Please help.
Posted on December 3, 2013 at 8:01 pm
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Canooknic
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07/19/2013
Canooknic

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Canooknic

 That's a tough one. I wasn't keen on my engagement ring when DH proposed, but I knew that he had gone to a lot of effort to choose it and that meant more to me than anything i could have chosen myself. It has definitely grown on me over the years and once I had designed my weddingband with it I absolutely loved it! They are both 'simple' - you shouldn't be offended if that's how people refer to yours xx

Will your FI be upset if you change them?  If they really aren't what you want I think you need to be honest with him, but remember that he may feel that he did make a big effort so try to be sensitive to his feelings too. It's definitely better to deal with it now rather than it coming up in years to come.

Good luck xx

Posted on December 4, 2013 at 1:03 am
krosa
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09/16/2012
krosa

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krosa

 i have said more than once that i am not the average girl.  i knew the kind of ring that i wanted before i got engaged or married.  i am 5ft 11 and have big hands.  bigger than a lot of men i meet.  so i knew i would need a ring that looked in preportion to my hand.  i didnt want a giant rock, just something that doesnt look itty bitty on my giant hand.  when we started getting serious i told my dh this and also let him know that if finances were an issue, i would prefer a really nice fake to a tiny real one.  with the understanding that the fake would be replaced by our 5th anv.  i even told my family this, so that if he asked them they would be able to agree.  we didnt need to do that, but i did still get a fake set for traveling.  

my mom always hated her wedding set.  she really regrets that my dad didnt get her something nicer.  now my dad is gone and she plans to replace the really bad diamonds and rubies he got her and put good stones in ...eventually.  after seeing my mom hate her ring for years, i can say without reservation that you should talk to your fi about the rings.  make it all about your feelings and not what a lowsy job he did of remembering what you liked.  if money is an issue, do you have a compromise you are willing to make for a few years?  i totally would put a limit on it.  dont want to be waiting for the ring in 10 years.  maybe he gets you a nice wedding band with diamonds and gets you the engagement ring later.  or whatever.  i would have some ready to talk with him about.  be sure you thank him for the picking out a wedding set for you though.  he will want to be acknowledged for the work he did picking it out.  you could thank him for the rings he picked out and then mention that they threw you for a loop, because the two of you had looked at rings and the ring he got you wasnt one of the ones that the two of you liked.  you could somehow convey that you hate that one of those wasnt chosen cause it was like you picked it out together.  i dont know...think it over for a while, but talk to him.  believe me, 42 years from now you dont want to still hate your wedding set like my mom.

Posted on December 4, 2013 at 1:54 am
NicoleJuliette
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This is a tough one, but pleanty of people upgrade their rocks later on? Maybe you can upgrade to a different more fancy band for the wedding and use the e-ring for now. Then you can upgrade the e-ring for an anniversary or present! If it really bothers you now I would have an honest conversation with your FI before it bothers you more. Good luck!

Posted on December 4, 2013 at 8:05 am
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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Uhlease

 Yea this is def a tough one! But if you truly want something else, being honest is best! My friend just got engaged a couple months ago, and she really wanted bling as well. Well her ring was very simple (not a small diamond or anything, but too simple for her taste) but she was worried because it suited her FI well and she was torn about keeping it or asking for something else. Anyhow, she ended up changing the setting the ring came with and is so happy. So it ultimately is something you will either have to learn to love, and possibly upgrade later, or change it now :) 

And I totally agree with that statement about computers having to be replaced, and how guys looks at money. lol. This ring is forever!!

Posted on December 4, 2013 at 12:31 pm
JaxBchKay
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JaxBchKay

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I think that like most of the ladies here, it can be a touchy subject but I think it's all about the approach.  Sit him down and talk about it, but not in an accusing way and DON'T bring up the computer thing :)   Just tell him how much you love him and how much you appreciate the effort.  Make sure he knows the last thing you want to do is hurt his feelings but since you are planning to wear it everyday for the rest of your life, you were really hoping to be able to help pick it.  I hated my first Engagement ring from my first marriage, I tried to dress it up with a different cool band but in the end, I never grew to like it.  Talk about it now, the sooner the better :)  Good Luck!

Posted on December 4, 2013 at 3:04 pm

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