Rise of the feminist wedding

Rise of the feminist wedding: No veils, no
engagement ring - and don't DARE try to give me away



  • Brides are increasingly shunning traditions
         surrounding weddings

  • Choosing not to have engagement rings or
         wear white on the day

  • Almost a quarter plan to keep their maiden
         name after marriage

  • 19% agree aspects of traditional weddings
         are 'anti-feminist'

  • But 76% still want to be walked down the
         aisle by their father


The image of a veiled bride walking down the aisle on her father's arm could become
a thing of the past as a growing trend for 'feminist weddings' has beendetected among modern brides to be.


Doing away with the engagement ring, choosing not to be 'given away like property'
and wearing a colour other than white are key themes gaining traction in the
feminist wedding trend.


The findings, revealed in a survey of 200 brides to be, revealed that almost a quarter of women planned on
keeping their maiden name after marriage, while one in 10 were planning to wear
a colour other than white on their wedding day.


 Traditions such as the wearing of an engagement ring are also increasingly being rejected by brides who feel it is anti-feminist - with such an obvious token to be worn on the finger marking the woman in question as 'taken'. The tradition of wearing a veil is being similarly rejected, as some women believe it plays into the idea that a woman is 'revealed' to her husband as the virgin bride (though actually the use of a veil is steeped in history and has very different significance across multiple cultures).


However, while there is undoubtedly a stirring among young brides to be, parents can take comfort in the fact that while some women are beginning to push back against
the patriarchy, the majority are still keen to uphold certain traditions, with 76 per cent of brides saying they really would like their father to walk them down the aisle.


Elki Parmar of Wedding Days.co.uk, who conducted the survey, said: ‘Some of the brides we have spoken to are doing things that they feel make their wedding more 'feminist'.


'That could be reflected by deciding not be given away, the idea being that one of the
connotations of this tradition is that the woman is property to be given away.


Brides are choosing to do away with many wedding traditions such as engagement rings


‘Other brides are choosing not to wear white on their wedding day as a woman’s white wedding dress traditionally carries connotations of virginal innocence whereas what the
groom wears on his wedding day is not perceived to be symbolic, creating somewhat of an imbalance from some feminist perspectives.'


Elki said: ‘Many of the women we spoke to thought that changing their last name after marriage to their husband's conformed to a patriarchal ideology and didn’t want to feel
they were giving up their own identity for their husbands


'While some were planning to not change their names at all, others were going to incorporate their husband's name into their own.


'However, many women also echoed the sentiment that a couple sharing the same last name is something that binds their family together.


Kelly Doncaster, Wedding Manager at Leicester wedding venue, The City Rooms, said: “'It is true that couples like to make their wedding their own and often do away with
certain traditions.


‘For many traditions are still part of the ceremony but not because of reasons which may
be perceived as anti-feminist.


'For example the bride will often want her father to ‘give’ her away, not because of
anti-feminist reasons but because she loves her father and wants to display
that love on her wedding day.


source


 

Posted on July 26, 2013 at 8:24 am
lorna247
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07/30/2011
lorna247

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(5) Comments

lorna247
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lorna247

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What do you ladies think about this??? Did you remove certain aspects because you thought they were feministic or more to be less traditional/unique or did you stay with tradition??

Posted on July 26, 2013 at 8:25 am
Sammy_D
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09/10/2011
Sammy_D

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This is so interesting, thanks for sharing Lorna! I totally see where this is coming from and completely agree with some of it. I definitely chose not to be given away for that very reason, I'm not property! That is also why I hyphenated my name, I wanted to show that I'm not just becoming his wife, he's also becoming my husband - we are joining our lives together equally.
But I see no reason to give up 'traditional' wedding elements like the veil or white dress if that's what the bride wants. At some point you have to step back and look at the wedding from a modern perspective and think about the things that make the day special and unlike any other day you will ever have in your life...the dress and attendants and all the other pieces of the wedding day may have had their origins historically in societies that we don't understand or agree with now, but they have evolved to become something else entirely.
I guess what I'm saying is that a white wedding dress doesn't mean what it uses to anymore, and your wedding is all about what you make it and what you want!
Posted on July 26, 2013 at 8:44 am
wiwiandyaya
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11/01/2013
wiwiandyaya

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I agree with Sam, I've been noticing more and more brides going the non-traditional way. Especially with dress color! I've heard of brides in black! It all depends on each bride and her family values.


I too will be keeping my last name. 

Posted on July 26, 2013 at 9:34 am
Eurestruly
1
09/07/2013
Eurestruly

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The way I see it, the "giving away" part isn't about property. It's about the most important man in your life (your father) honoring you by walking with you to begin your life with the other most important man in your life (your husband). The two men who cherish you, adore you, think you hung the moon, and the men who will lay down their lives for you. It does nothing to diminish your value or worth; in fact, I believe it shows their ultimate respect for you. I wish my Dad was still here to walk me down the aisle.


Changing your name also doesn't take away your sense of self, either. It's more convenient for having children, it's a bond that a family has.


I think all these traditions are wonderful ways to go about the ceremonial aspect of a marriage, but it doesn't have to make you feel like you're giving something up. The marriage part is much larger than the wedding and that is where we find the value in our selves and our relationship with a man.


Feminism is not in the things we do, the job we have, the clothes we wear, the name we choose. It's in how you see yourself.


Just an older lady's opinion who has been there and done that. I went on way too long. lol I should write a book! :-)

Posted on July 27, 2013 at 12:56 am
karenrose
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10/20/2013
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karenrose

This article is pretty impressive--very thorough in its explanations!  I am doing a lot of these things, like keeping my last name but adding FI's as a second last name (kind of like hyphenating, but without the hyphen).  I am still having my father walk me down the aisle, but because of Jewish tradition, my mother will be on my other side walking me too.  Also, FI's parents will be walking him down the aisle a little before me, so it's pretty even.


One thing that we are eliminating from the traditional Jewish ceremony for the sake of feminism is the ritual of the bride walking around the groom seven times.  I looked this up and Wikipedia said that it symbolizes that her life will now revolve around him!  FI is indifferent to this, so we glady removed it from our already long interfaith ceremony.

Posted on July 27, 2013 at 10:10 am

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