Role of Personal Attendant?

I just received this email from my FSIL - her wedding is this weekend. I'm really not sure what to say about it...but it's a good start to a discussion about the role of a personal attendant.


Did you/will you have one?


What did they do for you or what do you expect from them?


Am I freakin insane for agreeing to this list...because if anything goes wrong is this all on me??


Hello my wonderful personal attendant!

I've compiled a list of everything that I can come up with without trying too hard & I feel like I need to apologize in advance for how many things I am putting on you. I'm glad that I have picked such a very organized & go-getter person to help us out on our big day!

Here is the list that I have compiled so far, I'm sure there will most likely be a last minute list of freak out things next week. I have a list printed out for you, I'll give it to you on Friday night, its however you want to tackle it, sorry its so long frown

Here we go!
-Keep groom away from bride (& vice versa) smile
-Check that the shepherd’s hooks are set up
-Make sure the bows & mason jars are on the shepherd’s hooks & the arch is decorated
-Distribute/pin on bouquets, boutonnieres, & corsages
-Monitor shot list for photos
-Set up guest book, programs & bubbles on table
-Set up unity sand (There is a small line on each small jar where the sand should be filled to)
-Set up aisle runner
-Make sure ceremony music CD is in the speakers
-Make sure the cake gets to the table in the reception
-Put topper on cake
-Put candy corn/peanut combo in bowls at each reception table
-Take ceremony pictures with my camera
-After ceremony, take the guest book, programs, bubbles, & sand inside reception
-After ceremony, take down the shepherd’s hooks & the decorations off of the arch (Store them somewhere, vehicle/room?)
-Light the mason jar candles at the start of the reception
-Cut the wedding cake


 

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 2:07 am
Sammy_D
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(11) Comments

aggiebride
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02/04/2012
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That sounds like a much better list than mine for my personal attendant.... Lol! My list was:
If the bridesmaids start bickering, keep them away from me. And deal with people, because I can't, hahahaha.

I think it sounds like a great way for you to be connected and really help her, and it seems like she is really organized on your tasks! :3

It sounds great, and if you need to delegate anything, find someone who is also willing to help :)
Posted on October 3, 2012 at 2:26 am
kplusd
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09/08/2012
kplusd

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so, your her DOC? thats quite the list!!! my best advice would be to deffinatly find someone who can help you, or at least be in charge of her camera! how are you supposed to cut the cake AND take a picture at the same time? and i think it would be fun if she looked through her camera the next and saw goofy pictures of you setting up. itll show her how excited you were for them!

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 3:38 am
Sammy_D
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That was my confusion...this sounds more like stuff a DOC would do, not a personal attendant. Thoughts?

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 3:48 am
kplusd
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does she not have a DOC? is ths your brothers FI, or BILs FI? if you dont feel like you should have that much responsibility, i would talk to your brother, or have your DH talk to his brother about it. im not sure where you stand on this, but personally, i dont think its fair that you arent going to be able to enjoy the wedding. these are more things that a DOC, MOH, or someone whose getting paid, should do. but thats just my opinion. if you are ok with doing this stuff, thats very nice of you to do for her! id email her back and say that you were under the impression you would have less "to-do", and you are not completely confident that you will be able to fulfill her requests and arent comfortable having all of this fall on you if something doesnt go as planned.

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 3:55 am
Sammy_D
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Oh good, I'm so glad you said that...thats's exactly how I was thinking but I didn't want to sound mean! Yes, it's DH's brother's finance. I'm going to do most of it, I'd feel bad if I didn't, but I do think it's a lot and I'm going to try and find family to help!


And I DON'T trust myself to cut the cake :P

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 4:40 am
Sammy_D
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Isn't the personal attendant suppose to be with the bride all day? Help her touch up makeup and straighten her dress, etc?

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 4:41 am
AHVR2013
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My goodness, that's a lot to do! Honestly, I have no idea what a "personal attendant" does and had not even heard the term until recently, but the title makes it sound like it's a person to attend to the bride's personal needs. I envisioned things more like you said with makeup touch up and dress straightening, not setting up/tearing down decor or cutting the cake. I hope you find some help with that To Do list! You are awful sweet to humor her.

Posted on October 5, 2012 at 6:37 am
Mrs.Hodder
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Maybe she's a little confused about your role in the end? Rather than let her down I'd discuss allowing you to delegate some of these tasks to other people. It kind of sounds like a wedding planner or event coordinators job to get these things done and its quite a lot for one person to handle, and I know she's probably stressed and wants only YOU because she trust you, but ask her if you can assign some of these tasks to other people as the day goes on to allow you to be able to enjoy her wedding too!

Posted on October 5, 2012 at 7:10 am
Uhlease
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OH my my my. Seems like lots of confusion here. First of all, I've never really heard of a personal attendant before. Yes, that does sound like a DOC thing. However, I think it's a good list (meaning she's organized) and if you can get people to help you...then that's great. It's a lot for one person!!!


I had everybody helping set up the day of, I felt so bad! But it was a group effort. The groomsment helped out so much (that's why they're in the wedding!) So anyways, good luck! Get help! And cutting the cake??? Seems like something the venue should take care of...hmm. Sorry!

Posted on October 5, 2012 at 10:40 am
monche
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Hmmm where is your a guest so enjoy the party? if she does not have a DOC I think it would be a good idea to distribute the responsabilities between more people other than yourself. Can her mom or another relative take care of at least half? what about her bridesmaids?

Posted on October 5, 2012 at 10:47 am
msdl
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Yes, ditto everyone else. I think it's great that she is already so organized - that list will definitely come in handy! Some of the bigger jobs - like pictures, cutting the cake, etc. - will certainly require more than one person, though. 


You may ask her when she will have access to the venue. If she has it all day or even the day before, that would help a lot with some items that can be done ahead of time. 


If she has a DOC, she might just want someone to follow up/make sure things are done to her liking since, as the bride, she will be preoccupied that day. In that case, you could just sort of go down the list and check on things for her shortly before the wedding starts. If she doesn't have a DOC, I think I would ask her to let the BMs or family members know that you will be heading up the prep, but need all hands on deck to help! 


Good luck! You are a great FSIL to help with all of this! It would be hard for me to turn someone down, as well...despite all the work :-) 

Posted on October 6, 2012 at 4:52 am

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