RSVP Issues

When we put together our guest list for the wedding, our cut off point was second cousins. My parents were fine with this, but my FI's were less than thrilled. We put the invitations out the way we wanted to and now that the response cards are coming back, it seems that all of his cousins with children have RSVPed for everyone in their family...we're talking five more people on top of the original two people that were invited. When we addressed the invites, we addressed them to "Mr. and Mrs." not "Mr. and Mrs. and Family" and on the innver envelope I put only the cousin's name and their significant other, no children there either.


To top things off, we found out that his aunts have decided that if their children are single, they won't bring anyone so that the second cousins can come, even though my FI has never met them. It just makes me so angry that his parents won't do anything about it. When my side sees that there are little kids running around, they will be angry that the second cousins on my side weren't invited. Not to mention the fact that we were hoping to cut costs on the catering from people either not coming or not bring a guest(catering count is now at a whopping 270)...that's now out the window.


Has anyone else come across this problem? I don't know what to do and I don't think I should be the ones making phone calls telling them their kids can't come since they are not my family yet.

Posted on June 7, 2010 at 3:29 am
geribeth
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07/16/2010
geribeth

geribeth

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(5) Comments

khselee
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07/31/2010
khselee

khselee

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khselee

We started to have that problem, but we nipped it in the bud; just call the people who have RSVPd, and tell them that you're sorry, but there seems to be a misunderstanding, and their invitation is only including the people to whom it was addressed, and not additional people. The original addressees are still welcome to attend; however, you are not able to accommodate extra people due to venue limitations (There are venue limitations; the ones that you are imposing, which is all that really matters.). Just keep it short, sweet, and polite, but also take no prisoners (Don't back down.).


This is your day, go after what you want. It took me a bit to get this, and not be swayed by what everyone else (my mother) wanted me to do. You and your FI are the main event here, and your wedding should be about surrounding yourself with the people you love, and who love you.

Posted on June 7, 2010 at 5:41 am
VheartsM
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10/16/2010

VheartsM

khselee couldn't have said it any better.  I definitely would get in under control right away.  If you don't want to call, have FI or FMIL tell those extra family members.  I hope it works out well! 

Posted on June 7, 2010 at 7:32 pm
geribeth
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geribeth

geribeth

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geribeth

His parents refuse to do anything about it; believe me, we've tried to get them to call. It's gotten to the point where his aunt's think we don't like kids and don't want to have them at the wedding. What's really aggravating is that no one is asking us, they're only talking to his mother. She keeps saying that it can wait until the shower and she can talk to them at the shower...the shower is this weekend and I really don't want to have to deal with anything other than eating, opening gifts and thanking people.

Posted on June 8, 2010 at 2:10 am
khselee
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07/31/2010
khselee

khselee

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khselee

Your best defense in situations like this is (and it's really difficult to do) being assertive.


"That doesn't work for me." Is a fantastic line. This can make people think you're a little high maintenence sometimes, but I would rather have them think that than be railroaded. I am a firm believer in the idea that you teach people how to treat you by example, and if you don't want to be railroaded, show them that you won't be (Get it?).


Tell her that it won't work for you, and then call them yourself. It can be really uncomfortable (I have had to make a few of those calls myself, and I screamed into a pillow beforehand), but it has much more weight coming from you. Just start out and say, "I'm sorry that you were misinformed; however..."


I also flat out told my mother (Who was doing that exact thing, inviting a million people and making a pest of herself) that if people wanted to know something, then they needed to speak to me directly. You might want to do the same thing. Stand your ground!

Posted on June 8, 2010 at 2:50 pm
geribeth
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07/16/2010
geribeth

geribeth

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geribeth

Thanks a bunch guys. My FI and I have talked about this with my parents and since it's only ten kids, we're going to let it slide. My main concern was with my dad's side of the family throwing a fit because they're youngins weren't invited. My mom told me that if anyone says anything, just tell them that they are out of town guests and would not have been able to make it if their children couldn't come. But I am now inviting my cousin's baby girl because she is just too cute for words. Thanks again for the advice.

Posted on June 9, 2010 at 9:05 am

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