RSVP with +1, what to do?

I need some help.... We just received an RSVP back that just has "guest" on the 2nd line with a meal choice. The invitee was not someone we planned on bringing a guest. We had too many people on our guest list as it is and we are still hoping for at least 3 NO's but getting this now I am concerned. We have gotten back just over 1/2 of our invites. Should we let it go and wait it out to see if we get enough no's or should I say something to her? She will know other people at our wedding (it is someone we used to work with and so far we almost have a complete table of former co-workers). I also don't want it to cause a problem if anyone else tries to bring a +1. What do I do? What would you do?
Posted on March 31, 2008 at 7:00 pm
caribear
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(21) Comments

champagnecholly
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09/19/2008
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I am also worried about this. Since she has RSVP'd I wouldn't say anything personally but whenever someone calls or emails to say that they received your RSVP's make small talk about your concerns and how you wanted a smaller wedding but you're worried its going to be a bigger thing than anticipated. People usually get the hint. At least that has been my strategy and I certainly hope it works because we too are over!
Posted on March 31, 2008 at 7:03 pm
jenniD125
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Goodness. This is problem i think many of us will have. someone actually called me and asked if they could help me out and pay for her dates seat for the reception. wth?!? how am i supposed to respond to that?? how would anyone respond to that? like champagne wrote, not saying anything would be ideal for now and just try to beat other inquiring guests to the punch with small talk how over budget you are. it may help. but honestly, in my case i'm barely succeeding.
*sigh*

it's a tough thing to handle bc you do not want to come off rude. then again you are paying for so much, and not to make money main issue, it can be. sometimes guest don't really realizes how much a wedding costs unless they have planned one or at least helped plan one.

if it becomes a real concern, see what FI and/or anything who is helping out majorly with the wedding, thinks too. they may have better insight here and help you make a decision.

let me know what works for you. GoodLuck to you and Champagne!
Posted on March 31, 2008 at 8:52 pm
jersey
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I know its rude and a pain in the ^&*( but you might want to wait a bit and see who rsvps they cant go...it might surprise you,I have people who sent me a no and I was like are you serious!!Maybe youll luch out and have more then you think not be able to come...or if your like me you might not feel so lucky :(
Posted on April 1, 2008 at 2:19 am
theDame
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I'm dreading this but what I am hoping for is that it will all work out.

We're planning what is basically a destination wedding and I understand that some people won't want to travel and stay alone. so I am bracing myself.
Posted on April 1, 2008 at 3:11 am
*Mandy*
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05/24/2008
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Eeek. Sorry, Cari. I think this is why we went with a "You have X number of seats reserved for your party". It's a little to the point, but at least it protects you.

You might have to wait it out until you get a few more RSVPs.
Posted on April 1, 2008 at 3:46 am
HolyMolyMatrimony
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I agree maybe see how many RSVP's you get back first? Maybe in the meantime communicate with her, a disclaimer just in case you cannot accommodate her guest. I would love for so and so to attend with you, and will keep you updated if I get any declined RSVPs- or something along the lines. you know?

See my problem is even if I have open room from declined RSVPs- I have people on a "B list" that I would rather accommodate. Anyone else have this thought?
Posted on April 1, 2008 at 3:53 am
its.nicsknack
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08/31/2008
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Ugh...this is probably one of the most challenging parts of the wedding planning for me. Anything to do with the guest list, invites, and RSVP's stresses me out. I agree with many of the PP's...wait it out. Its a tough situation to confront without coming off rude.

Miss.Mandy: what a great idea. I might have to borrow that idea :)

HolyMoly: we're in the same boat. I have a long list of "B-listers" to invite in place of any No's. It would frustrate me to have some guests bring an unexpected date preventing me to invite other potential friends/associates.
Posted on April 1, 2008 at 6:13 am
moemarsita
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I'm dreading this too! My mom and I were thinking of having each guests names printed on the RSVP cards (since we're doing it ourselves). We both agree it's a painful process, but it's probably easier than doing the awkward calling.
Posted on April 1, 2008 at 6:15 am
caribear
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HMM~ I would love to say, I would love for so and so to attend with you, and will keep you updated if I get any declined RSVPs, but the problem is, she literally wrote in "guest". There is no name whatsoever, so I have no idea who she is bringing. And like you, we do have a B-list. After talking to FI last night, we have decided that we will invite 2 people off our B-list and hope for the best.

Moe~ We seriously considered completeing the RSVP cards, like you, but it would have been way too time consuming and we needed to get them in the mail. Oh well, live and learn...

This is just so frustrating... But at least we have recieved more than 1/2 of our RSVPs, so hopefully it can only get better from here... at least I hope better and not worse! :)
Posted on April 1, 2008 at 8:11 am
pookie
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I know the problem. one of my relatives is inviting everyone she knows..people I don't know she's telling them too and then telling my mom that she needs to invite them. she then told my mom that she wants to bring her daughters bf so he could drive them..and can she also bring her roomate, WTH, This is not a meals on wheels..I'm so fed up with her. can I UN-INVITE her?
Posted on April 1, 2008 at 1:31 pm
jersey
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yes...pookie,I think you can uninvite her....really i do.is your wedding at someones home and that might be why she thinks she can make her own guest list??I cant even imagin someone thinking that is ok
Posted on April 1, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Chrissy
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I am stressing hard over my FI and I not inviting anyone under 18, except my two nieces, due to our limited funds, we are making it an adult only wedding, I can hear it now already and we didnt even sent the invites yet...We only wanted 50 people small and romantic with only people we know and love and now we are up to 88!!! Even though it is still not alot of people at $130 a plate it sure is alot of money... I feel yah
Posted on April 13, 2008 at 10:18 am
Chrissy
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I would say you can definately dis invite the person since they were never even invited in the first place. The person is just trying to pull a fast one on you...I would say your already at capacity and over budget and cant add any more..
Posted on April 13, 2008 at 10:20 am
jersey
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Let me get this stright cari...wrote in the word "guest" when it didnt say and guest on the front...she doesnt even know who her guest will be just that she wanted to tell you she is bringing one??!!wow...I would like to think I would say "I would love for you and your guest to come unfortantly it wasnt on our guest list like that therefore doesnt work in our budget,ill understand if you cant come then."Yes it would be great if we could actually say these things lol
Posted on April 13, 2008 at 11:47 am
FutureMrsCav
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I would call her and say that you only have an X many seats and if you had more then of course there would be no problem,but you don't. Thats a great idea Mandy too bad I already made and printed our RSVP'S.
Posted on April 13, 2008 at 1:21 pm
caribear
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Jersey, you are too funny! And yes, that is correct, she just wrote in the word "guest", so I have absolutely no idea who it is. She was engaged a while back, but broke it off last year.

The funniest thing is that I had a dream about this last night and in my dream I told her and she was fine with it (pretty amazing for all the nightmare wedding dreams I have). FI and I were talking about it again today and we are probably going to email her and let her know that as of right now there is no room due to budget and our guest list being too big as it is, but after we get all of our RSVPs if there is room we will be ok (frustratingly) with it.
Posted on April 14, 2008 at 3:21 pm
aussie
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This thread makes me think I should budget for some unexpected guests! I can't believe the relative that wanted to invite extra people nor the friend who is pretty much telling you that she's bringing her "guest."

I really would talk to her caribear, and at least find out the name of the guest. I had a friend in a similar predicament awhile back - the bride to be invited a friend who had no guest to bring but she still RSVPed with "guest" and then set out to find one on match.com. She did meet someone but at the time of the wedding she only knew him about a month - and she only knew him for about a month after as well. In my opinion, I wouldn't want anyone at my wedding who wasn't either really important to me, my fiancee or, at least, important to the person I'm inviting.

PS - I have nothing against online dating - except when used to find an univited +1 for a wedding. ;)
Posted on April 14, 2008 at 6:36 pm
cin803
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FI & I just got a RSVP with a +1. My feeling isn't settling too well. Our friend that we invited - didn't even call us or notify us in an email that he's going to include a +1. You know the thing that gets me. On our RSVP cards - we have a line that says "We have reserves ____ number of seats in your honor". FI and I put 1 on his... but he modified it... WTH.

Sorry I had to vent.
Posted on April 15, 2008 at 6:00 am
caribear
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Cin~ I feel your pain! My friend didn't notify me in any way either. I guess there is no absolute way to prevent this. I can't believe he changed his reserved #. You have to wonder about some people!
Posted on April 15, 2008 at 9:18 am
kittnmouse
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well here's my vent... my "friend" who i don't talk to but once a year via messenger and who i haven't seen for 5-6 years hinted she wanted to come to the wedding. more so for new scenery rather than attending my wedding. i hadn't planned on inviting her or her sister since we all went our separate ways, but offered to send her an invitation after that convo. i followed up with her last month and she doesn't think she can come. like um... did you think you were going to come into some small fortune when you - a part time hair dresser who still lives at home at age 27 - decided to invite yourself cross-country for a weekend trip?

another vent... this really inconsiderate friend of mine RSVP'd today after i send everyone a reminder letting them know today was the deadline. she RSVP'd for her and "guest" with no name. because she doesn't know who it'll be. knowing her as well as i do, she'll use this wedding as an opportunity to go on a meaningless date. sorry, this wedding is really bringing the UGLY out of me haha. we've had history together and the fact that i didn't ask her to be my BM pretty much ruined our friendship in her eyes. bah...
Posted on April 16, 2008 at 8:23 pm
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