Sending Thank You cards?

So we have been sending our thank you cards out and I have a question.  Most of our bridal party has not given us gifts.  Should we send out the thank you for standing beside us and leave it at that and not expect a gift?  And what about those guests that attended but you aren't sure will ever send a gift?  I am just so confused. :)


TIA!

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:25 am
caribear
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(15) Comments

beatie
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10/11/2008
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I don't think you're required to send thank you cards to people that didn't give a gift, bridal party included, just because they attended your wedding.  If you gave your bridal party gifts for being in your wedding, that was your thank you.  Very strange that they never gave you a gift???

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:29 am
*Mandy*
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Hmm, I didn't really get gifts from my bridal party, either!  I think it would be best to send them cards related to the services they provided with being in the party and leave it at that.


I would not send cards to those that never sent a gift.  Proper protocol is to send a Thank You for the gift, not for being at the event.


If you wanted to send a different card for thanking them for coming, than that would be different.


HTH, Cari!

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:30 am
abattyref
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10/06/2007
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For our bridal party, we sent them a thank you for being a BM or GM that was separate from the normal thank you cards. If they also got us a gift, then we sent them that card separately... and I tried not to send them at the same time, so they received them seperately.


For guests who didn't give a gift, I can't answer. We had a few and we didn't send them a thank you card. (ettiquette gods may strike me down) We honestly didn't know what to say. If they'd traveled far to attend the wedding, then we sent them a thank you that talked about them making the trip.


HTH! Good luck!

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:32 am
beatie
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10/11/2008
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Is it just me or does anyone else find it strange that both of your bridal party attendants didn't give you wedding gifts??  Every wedding I've ever been in, I've given the couple a wedding gift....

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:32 am
Ms.Sumomo
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06/24/2007
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we sent thank you card to everyone.


 

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:37 am
SunsetHawaiiWeddings
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SunsetHawaiiWeddings

Send them as an annoucement/ thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.... Definitly thank your bm's they did, I assume, buy their dresses and put a lot into your wedding... Hopefully anyways. Thank them for being your closest ones for your life...

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:39 am
rach29
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Two of the weddings this year I was in had a few bms not give wedding gifts!! It was the first I've heard of it!! Blows my mind. I'm living my own personal 27 dresses and I always buy the bride and groom a gift!!! In fact, I usually spend more! Being a bm is an honor (sometimes hard) but it doesn't exempt you from proper ettiquette!!

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:42 am
caribear
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caribear

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Well, now I don't feel like the only crazy one.  :)  1 BM & 1 GM have given us a gift.  One of my MOHs has talked to me about it and was waiting to see what we wanted (didn't receive).  1 GM said that he (his girlfriend) ordered the gift but then there was a problem.  So that leaves 1 MOH, 1 BM, the best man (who is married to the BM), and 1 GM.  I know they spent money throughout the planning process, especially my MOH & BM, but I just think it is weird that they haven't gotten us anything.  Especially the BM & best man, because they are married.  And then there are those guests that said no, and probably don't know what the etiquette gods say... but I won't even go there.  I know they all technically have a year to give a gift, but I just want to be done with it already! :)

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:58 am
HolyMolyMatrimony
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I have never heard of that either, I guess they still deserve a thank you for being a part of your day nonetheless... :)


I guess thank yous are good no matter what???  The polite thing to do...


We gave our friend $100 bucks at their wedding and didn't get a thank you, thought that was kind of wierd- so I alwasy give thank yous no matter what now...  Even if its just a card- like at our engagement party...


- HMM :)

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 10:58 am
jharks
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10/11/2008
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Just send a thank you email to them. Then you get to express your gratitude for them standing there and it will maybe point out to them that they aren't getting a REAL thank you because they didn't send a gift.

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 11:00 am
lilibelle1
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02/10/2008
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I was in my cousin's wedding last year in Orange County. However, at the time I was living in Scotland (as a broke student!).


I spent so much on my plane ticket (flying to Southern Cali in July is expensive) that I didn't get her a gift! Plus, I did buy my own dress and shoes which totaled over $300.


The night of the rehersal dinner she gave me earrings and a little card that said: thank you for traveling 7,000 miles to be part of my special day. It felt wonderful that she acknowledged I went through a lot of trouble (not to mention LAX customs!) to be there for her.


I would say, even if your bridal party didn't get you a gift, they may have contributed in other ways and a card would be a nice way to thank them.

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 12:00 pm
kpn
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oooh wait - I just read an article on this - lemme get the magazine

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 2:44 pm
kpn
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Q:  How should we deal with guest who don't give a gift?


A:  It's best to be gracious since it could be an oversight or the gift might have been lost.  Don't be tempted to ask, "Did you send us a gift?.  We're concerned because we're sure you sent one but it seems to have gotten lost."  Think about how embarrassing it could be if you inquired., only to be told that they hadn't sent one yet.  Also avoid the temptation to gossip about your concerns.  Instead, send each "non-gifting" guest who attended your wedding a note thanking them for coming.  Not mentioning a gift will alert them that you didn't receive one.  Some people believe it's fine to wait up to a year to send a gift.  That's a myth - as it's far better to send a gift right away or within three months of the wedding - but it could explain the situation.


Okay so - not totally up the alley of this question - but I agree with Lilibele & Jharkins - send a thank you note to thank them for being part of your special day - maybe point out something unique, cute, or funny they did that makes your day memorable with them?

Posted on June 17, 2008 at 2:50 pm
oliveoil
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05/25/2008
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Hi ladies, wow, this post hit the spot because I just completed our wedding gift list spreadsheet last night. I was surprised that we did have more than a handful of people who did attend the wedding, yet did not give gifts, including 3 of the bridal party members (we had 10 total).


Anyhow, our new issue is there were some gifts that came up on the registry as purchased, but we haven't receied them. I went into Bloomingdales the other day to inquire and most of them were backordered. However, with backordered items, if the waiting period is too long (a few months), the store "erases" the credit card info and has to re-contact the gift-giver to obtain a credit card #. During this process, some orders get canceled because people forget about the gifts.


So, I had our registry consultant re-contact some of our gift-givers. However, a few of our items are still on back-order and thus, we'll have to contact the gift-givers again. Such a pain...

Posted on June 20, 2008 at 5:38 am
caribear
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oliveoil~We are having that same problem too with Linens N Things.  But they don't even contact our guest, they just cancel the order.  Let me tell you, my experience with them does not leave me wondering why they are going backrupt.  We only registered there because they had our everyday china 50% cheaper than Macy's, but it has become such a pain... Oh, and if they cancel it, they don't show that we need it again on our registry, it still looks like we got it.  Hopefully if you do what has been suggested and just send a thank you card for the guest coming to the wedding they will realize you haven't gotten it and contact Bloomie's.


GL!

Posted on June 20, 2008 at 7:00 am

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