Thoughts/advice on not ttc

I guess my question is what makes you want kids? I know it sounds like a stupid immature question, but I am trying to figure out why I am not excited about starting this part of our lives.


I am just curious...I think about having kids sometimes, but I still can't think of a reason to have one...Is there something wrong w/ me? lol,. I think maybe I am thinking this now because the timing is not right (which it isn't financially) ? but I wonder if it was right would I want to have one? I am sure there are a lot of factors that might change my mind, but I just wanted to ask. Maybe I secretly want one, but don't know it lol...or sometimes I think if it just happened unplanned maybe that would force me to have the feelings you're suppose to have.  I adore my nephew as he were my own and babys are just so cute!...so I'm sure when we do have kids it will fall into place :)


on a side note: It makes me happy to come to the boards and see everyones BFP's :D

Posted on December 18, 2009 at 1:17 pm
June6Bride
4
06/06/2009
June6Bride

June6Bride

  • 4
  • 12
  • 2.52k
136
Followers
139
Following

(12) Comments

GatorBride
5
05/02/2009
GatorBride

GatorBride

  • 5
  • 16
  • 5.86k
337
Followers
338
Following

GatorBride

I wonder the same thing... I've never wanted to have a baby, but I do consider how it would be if we did. I think a lot of it is fear, because I find myself fascinated by this board, all the ups and downs you girls go through. It takes so much dedication to even get to the BFP for some girls, not to mention the dedication of motherhood. I'm so happy everytime I see one of you have success, or even the little signs you're looking out for, but each time I can't help but think it's not for me.


I do think that even the parents who aren't prepared or don't necessarily want to have a baby tend to still become really excited, and everything does fall into place. I'm sure that no matter the circumstances that led to conception, it's a gift like no other...


As for MY fear: I'm petrified of what it means to raise a child in (what I feel is) a society that's going to hell in a handbasket. The danger of simply sending them to school is enough to make me queasy. I don't know how to get past that, other than to say I'll isolate my child, which would suck for him/her. I also fear not being ready to give up the selfishness of not being a mom. I have a stepson, but it's not the same.


Fortunately (unfortunately?), DH is on the same page, not wanting to have another child. We agreed before we got married that if one of us was to have a change of heart, we would talk about it. I consider bringing it up, just to see if he's having the same mixed emotions I am, but I still haven't. I don't think I will unless I know what I'm feeling is "baby fever." Just don't know if I'll ever get there...


Booo, I feel like I'm bringing your group down, but I'm happy you brought this up, June6Bride, because I think I've been needing to get this off my chest.


<3 <3 <3 Sending my prayers and best wishes to all of you ladies!


 

Posted on December 18, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Missie1284
5
07/03/2009
Missie1284

Missie1284

  • 5
  • 12
  • 5.68k
96
Followers
99
Following

Missie1284

I've always loved children! The only jobs I've ever had have been taking care of or teaching children (babysitter, nanny, camp counselor, now I am a teacher and a summer camp director). I just love seeing things through their eyes and watching them learn and grow up. I know that having your own child is a HUGE responsibility, that it's not easy by any means, and I will have to sacrifice a lot but I think the fact that I naturally love kids will help make me a great mother when the time comes and I am so excited to have a baby hopefully soon! 


I do worry about my how my future kids will be when they're getting into their teenage years. It's so different and way more advanced than when I was growing up! I don't want to totally shelter my kids and make them naieve, but I also want them to make smart decisions and think before the act! I do worry about how I will handle those times, but I teach middle school health (special ed), so I hear a lot of what is going on and I'd like to think I give the girls good strategies to deal with that kind of stuff! I think it will all fall into place!

Posted on December 18, 2009 at 2:30 pm
soontobemrsanthony
2
05/02/2009
22
Followers
25
Following

soontobemrsanthony

For a long time i felt the same way, "i never wanted kids" i thought they were cute and great for other people, but since ive been in love and now even more that were married, something kinda switched for me.


i crave creating this being with this other person (this is not to be offensive to those who are married and in love and dont feel the same, not starting a pissing match) its just that i want to be even closer, see him with our children, see what we create grow and hopefully be succesful people we can be proud of.


Secondly, i was an only child, spoiled rotten admittedly, and i want to care about someone else, i want to sacrifice, yes i have sacrificed for my husband, but ive never truly had to look out for anyone else, except looking out for # 1 like i have for all these years.


I hope im not preaching, just my insight from personal experience

Posted on December 18, 2009 at 3:06 pm
aprilxlirpa
4
12/27/2008
aprilxlirpa

aprilxlirpa

  • 4
  • 12
  • 4.06k
87
Followers
92
Following

aprilxlirpa

I have always wanted children. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up I'd say a mother. That being said I knew there were things I wanted to do for me first. I wanted it, but was never in a hurry.


I have a killer career, we are financially stable, I've traveled the world, married to a wonderful man, so I am ready.


If you don't feel it, then wait, there is nothing at all wrong with not wanting kids!

Posted on December 18, 2009 at 3:48 pm
mayo27
1
10/10/2015
mayo27

mayo27

  • 1
  • 2
  • 162
19
Followers
23
Following

mayo27

I had always wanted a child then my best friend got Preg at 17 and I went through alot with her and seeing her go through complications, it scared me away. Especially being apart of the start of the delivery of her son. It was freaky in the worst way. I vowed to not have any bio kids, due to being soo scared. this was just months before I turned 18 and 2 days after she turned 18. For years I was always saying I didn't want kids. That they weren't for me.

I met the right guy for me and now I can't wait to have them and on my own. I just pray I didn't screw up my chances by saying all that I had said in the past. Not long after She had her baby I was told by the doctor I had PCOS. No farther info was discussed at that time being my age and all. But this scares me with all the things that I have seen (on the boards)..
Anyway, You will know when it is right. I think you are only feeling this way due to knowing it's not the right now. And that is ok if it's not right, right now. As long as DH and you are on the same page with it all. Have fun with life, if friends and family have young babies, or kids, let them have a date night and take on a babysitting sorta thing to get use to the idea. It sure is different being able to hand back the child. But it helps get the baby fever on the roll I think.. At least when the time is right it will kick in..

Good luck with all, don't rush into it.

Posted on December 18, 2009 at 7:08 pm
SummerBride2009
4
06/26/2009
SummerBride2009

SummerBride2009

  • 4
  • 11
  • 4.67k
178
Followers
181
Following

SummerBride2009

For me...I literally feel like I was BORN to be a MOTHER. I remember myself at 5, pushing the babies in their strollers at the park pretending to be their mom. At 10 being a mothers helper. At 16 being a babysitter. At 18 being a pre-school teacher. Now...being a 3rd grade teacher. When I met my DH one of the first things I told him is how important children are to me. I could have never been with a man that did not want to have kids. Lucky for me...he wanted kids as well. We will be TTC soon :)

Posted on December 19, 2009 at 12:55 am
MizBiz
4
07/17/2009
MizBiz

MizBiz

  • 4
  • 12
  • 3.14k
119
Followers
121
Following

MizBiz

For me, I have to say, it was all about life's events falling into place.  We are financially secure, own our home, are settled in our town, married and have our careers in full swing.  I'm 28 right now, will be 29 in March and I am just now feeling the push to have a baby.  I can honestly say, before this year, babies were nowhere on my radar.


I guess I always assumed growing up that I'd someday be a mother, but unlike many of the ladies on here I never gave it a second thought.  I wasn't that girl that played "mother" when i was 5, I didn't babysit much through my teen years and am never the first person for a child to warm up to.  That being said, I have 2 nieces that are my world and I care for them like they were my own.  I think that's what gave me the confidence that I "could" be a good mom.  That kids can actually like me!!


DH and I knew from very on in our relationship that we would be together forever and someday have a family, but we've never put a timeline on when all of this would happen.  We were together 6.5 years before we got married so we obviously don't rush any of our decisions!!  Although I tend to get a little excited here on the TTC boards, I know that this will happen in good time for us.


June6Bride....I don't think there's any need for you to worry about the way you feel right now.  I believe that each person should do what is best for them.  If you don't have the baby fever, so what?  It may come someday....it may not.  I wouldn't worry about feeling bad that you don't have it.  Some people want kids, some don't, neither of them should be judged one way or another.  Your heart and your body will let you know when you are ready for kids!

Posted on December 19, 2009 at 2:26 pm
meanyprice
4
08/25/2009
meanyprice

meanyprice

  • 4
  • 8
  • 2.55k
26
Followers
30
Following

meanyprice

June6Bride: There isn't anything wrong with you.  I think there is this pressure in society that says that life events have to happen in a certain order or there is something wrong.  Grow up, get married, have kids.  For some people it happens like that, and it happens really quickly, for some it happens more slowly, and for some, it doesn't happen at all.  Some people never get married or some people never want kids, and that's ok.  DH and I dated for 7 years and we are wanting to have kids right away.  For other people, they get married right away and wait a few years for kids.  Everyone is different and you can't expect everyone to want the same things out of life.  When (if) you guys get to the point where you want kids, you will just know.  A year ago, we weren't even engaged yet, and kids weren't even on the radar.  Now we are married and trying to have a baby.  It's kinda like how you knew DH was the one?  You just knew?  That's how wanting a baby was to me.  One day, I just knew.  (I'm 30 btw, so it took me a while to just know.)

Posted on December 21, 2009 at 1:52 am
odessa33
4
05/15/2009
odessa33

odessa33

  • 4
  • 12
  • 3.34k
72
Followers
76
Following

odessa33

have you ever heard that saying: "The last taboo you can make at a dinner party anymore is to say you don't want to have kids" This is so true! My husband and I did not want kids for a long time, and then we were on the fence about it for a while. People act like you are alien if you aren't automatically focused on getting married and starting a family right away. I think it's great that you are not just doing what societal pressures tell you you "should" be doing. You are carefully considering what's really right for you and your life.


If you never really feel that having children is important in your life it's more than fine, I'm sure you'll have a full enriching life no matter what. If one day you do come to the point of wanting your own, you will know when it feels totally right for you. It will click and you will never look back. Meany put it very well, just like how you knew DH was the right one for you, you will know when having kids is right for you

Posted on December 21, 2009 at 2:07 am
jackieg
20
04/17/2009
jackieg

jackieg

  • 20
  • 13
  • 23.8k
337
Followers
341
Following

jackieg

i have to agree with mizbiz....i was married before as some of you know...and at that time, i (we) did NOT want to have kids...


now when i look back, i think it's because subconsciously, i knew it wouldn't be right with that guy...nothing about his life would change, and in essence, i would've wound up like a single mom living with a male roommate!  and obviously, splitting up would have been much more difficult....


now that i'm with the RIGHT guy, it seems so natural and easy, and i want more than anything to have a child with him....i know he'll be a great father, as his dad was to him so he's had a good role model....(btw, ex's dad was absentee and abusive and a drunk)....

Posted on December 21, 2009 at 4:24 am
yelppuppy
4
05/23/2009
yelppuppy

yelppuppy

  • 4
  • 11
  • 3.17k
63
Followers
66
Following

yelppuppy

I never really wanted to have kids until i was close to 30.  I can't explain why I want them so bad now.  I think it's just a nature call thing for me.


But even when I was younger, when I really wasn't a big fan of crying and screaming kids, I still wanted kids.  I read too many stories that older women regretted not having kids.  It's also scary to think that when I'm old, if my hubby is not with me anymore, I'll be the only one alone in this world with no family.


I think for most women, however, whether you feel like you're ready or not, you'll just LOVE your own baby once you have them. :)

Posted on December 22, 2009 at 1:14 pm
June6Bride
4
06/06/2009
June6Bride

June6Bride

  • 4
  • 12
  • 2.52k
136
Followers
139
Following

June6Bride

Thank you all for your input :D


Gator: You expressed it better than I could have...thank you for sharing...it's good to know I am not alone :)


Thank you all for letting me know your experiences and thoughts. I hope to have similar feelings to what you guys are experiencing in the future :D


I know dh would love to have had one yesterday, but luckily he does not put any pressure...but I did reassure him that some day - hopefully soon - (within next 2 yrs) we could work on it :)


 

Posted on December 23, 2009 at 11:05 am

Have a question? Contact Support
Top Contributors this Week
LauraSweet
19 posts
Canooknic
18 posts
zeuster
13 posts
Levisjoe
11 posts
Kittywolf13
8 posts
Uhlease
8 posts