Trying to decide if eloping is the right thing

Hello. So here is the background story.


I have been with my wonderful Marine for over a year and we have decided we are ready to make the jump and get married.  We have a couple of issues: one a couple of years ago I got myself into some debt which I am slowly climbing my way out of. two he is an enlisted Marine, so he makes half of what I make.  Three he is originally from Cali, so all of his family is out there, and we want them at our wedding, but they would not be able to afford to fly out to be there, so we want to help them out as much as we can(specifically his Mom,Dad, 3 siblings).  Four its a big deal to my FH to be able to get me a nice ring, even though I told him I would be just as happy with a ring pop.  Five I lose my insurance in August.  Six his contract is up so he could be transfered (probably to CA) as early as Dec, and I do not look forward to paying for a move cross country, including four furbabies. 


So after some thinking we came up with the idea of eloping.  If we decide to do this his pay would almost double (due to BAH), I would be able to get insurance, and most importantly we would be able to have both our families together for a big ceremony.  I am just worried about offending either set of our parents, or both if we don't have them there. So I have been debating on keeping the elopement a secret (just me, my marine and Uncle Sam) so not to offend any our family members.  So basically I just need some advice.  What would be the bigger offense the lie to prevent the hurt or no lie and hurt them?


 


Also just FYI my parents have already offered to pay for my dream wedding, but I do not feel like it would be right to ask they help pay for my future in laws as well, even though I am sure if I asked they would do what they can to help. 

Posted on July 14, 2013 at 10:48 pm
FutureMarinePrincess
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(6) Comments

1Corinthian13
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08/03/2013
1Corinthian13

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1Corinthian13

Thats a taff situation.


What does your FI think of an elpement?


FOr myself I would decide to ask my parents to help (belive me its not what I usually do, I own my own money and dont ask for money...ever)


But for my Family, my parents, it would be extremely painful not to be with me when I get married, and I think it would hurt them forever...its just how our relationship is...


But I cant tell you whats right for you, there are couples who are really happy they eloped, and families who can handle it...


 


But belive me, a wedding at home does not have to be that expensive if you keep it simple....

Posted on July 14, 2013 at 11:08 pm
1Corinthian13
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08/03/2013
1Corinthian13

1Corinthian13

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1Corinthian13

Oh and by the way welcome to pw and congrets on having a man by your side that you love! :)

Posted on July 14, 2013 at 11:08 pm
MrsCaleYoung
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06/30/2012
MrsCaleYoung

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MrsCaleYoung

Hello and welcome to project wedding! I am happily into my second marriage but my first go round myself and my ex-husband were both in the Navy. I am from Michigan and he was from Georgia but were stationed in Maryland. I thought to be fair to everyone, that they all come to Maryland because it was the halfway point for both our families. We heard everything from I can't get off work to I have no way to get there even when we offered to rent vans and pick family up. We ended up eloping and no one was angry or offended. 


In my personal opinion, I think you should tell both set of parents and let them decide they can make it to see you wed or not. You have enough stress going on and you don't want the added stress of lying to both set of parents along with the guilt that will be associated with it. You can always have a wedding and reception at a later date when things are settled. I wish you much luck in your decision and congratulations on your engagement! 

Posted on July 15, 2013 at 7:45 am
meandean
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07/16/2013
meandean

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I second Mrs. Young-weddings can be stressful, esp. the financial part, and the families should not put more burden on you than you already have. I think if you let both sides know what is going on, they will let you know what they are and are not capable of and you can decide from there what is right for you and your marine. The important part, when it all comes down to it, is that you become husband and wife. Good luck!

Posted on July 22, 2013 at 6:19 am
zeuster
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11/01/2011
zeuster

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zeuster

Ok I have a different opinion. I think you should just get married the two of you and then plan a ceremony and/or a reception for later on down the road. I would just explain exactly what you said about the benefits. I live in Northern CA in a miltary town and I know quite a few people that have done just that (got married at jop and then had a "real wedding" later on). I would think that both familys would understand the whole miltary issue.

Posted on July 22, 2013 at 7:06 am
KimandByron
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KimandByron

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KimandByron

If your parents are willing and able to pay for your dream wedding tgen why not let them. You are their daughter and traditionally that's what they do if they can. in the end do what's beat for you and tour FI but I would not lie to either set of parents
Posted on July 22, 2013 at 6:36 pm

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