Back story: FI will be in Guam for 2-3 years. His ship is grounded til mid year, so we will have an opportunity to settle in together before he starts going out to sea again. So rather than waiting longer, we would marry as soon as possible. When FI proposed we immediately began to plan for a wedding here at home. He would have to travel here on his limited time off and we would have a small morning wedding followed by brunch for our families and closest friends. We quickly learned that since he was marrying me AFTER his orders to Guam, my relocation would not be covered this time. We would have to move me on our own dime. I got quotes for relo to Guam- astronomical. He also needed a car once he got there. I got really sick and my insurance didn't cover a lot of the bills. We checked flights to/ from guam -$1400 to $1800 each. In our state he would have to be present to apply for the marriage license at least 3 days before the wedding. It was cutting it really close. It was getting stressful already.
The Navy chaplain advised that the smoothest thing for us to do would be for me to go to him and marry in Guam. We agreed that it made the most sense, so we could begin our lives without going into debt.
FI's mother has been very sweet about everything. She accepted me with open arms to the family and is happy for us. She is an event organizer and I promised her a year ago I would help her with the her gala this year. Well, her two closest friends were at the gala the other night and made a strict point to say, "we are VERY disappointed you will not be getting married here". I started to apologize and the husband cut me off and said "no you are not because if you were sorry you would get married here". Then I started to explain about the expense, and he cut me off again and said "that's not true, he can fly for free- I know how the military works". I start to explain that I will need command sponsorship, and the relo and flights and wedding costs- but I didn't want to argue with them, but it made me feel terrible, as if I planned it this way by myself without considering them.
I'm worried that this "disappointment" is really the friends speaking for FI's mother who has been staying with them, when all along we thought she was happy. Of course a mother wants to see her sons marry- but she is a VERY detached mom. Didn't send him a birthday card or gift this year on his first time out of the country. - I had to remind her to call him and she did so at the last minute. She surely won't send him anything for Christmas. When he left for boot camp we all went to breakfast together and sweet as she is, she did talk about herself the entire time while he looked sick with worry. I asked her if she was nervous and gonna miss him and she just shrugged and said "I have already been through this with his brother". Still, I didn't mean to offend her by running if with her son to Guam, so to speak!
What would you do in my situation?