VENT: Just a little offended.

Mother back story....


She has NOT been supportive of my relationship until very recently and I feel like I'm having to pay for them to be there (buying their clothes, accomodations, etc). In fact FI wasn't even allowed in their house for the first year and she still called me by my ex's last name. 


Soo....


My mom just forwarded an address to me because she forgot to invite someone. Down the thread of the email she says "My daughter is getting remarried. This time it's more casual so feel free to bring along *insert-kids-name*"


I know they put out a lot of money for my first wedding (because she would have married my ex if she could and a lot of reason we stuck together was from pressure from my mother) BUT this wedding is actually more expensive, we're paying for everything ourselves, and it's not a free for all like "just stop on by whenever, bring your friends"... WTF.

Posted on September 10, 2012 at 10:29 am
pickaroe
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(17) Comments

pickaroe
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*VENT... haha, can't spell when I'm tying angrily. 


Thanks for fixing this Mrs. Hostess :)

Posted on September 10, 2012 at 10:31 am
Faithk08
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Ugh, that is so annoying. I'm so sorry she's doing that to you. My parents added a lot of people to our guest list, but a 85% of them didn't end up coming, so it turned out to be fine. If they did, we definitely would've been over our budget -- but really, we couldn't argue since they paid for at least half of our wedding! It wouldn't have flown if we paid for the whole thing! Just breathe.. it will be okay :)


I would defnitely say something to her, though! It's not okay for other people to rule your wedding plans!

Posted on September 10, 2012 at 10:34 am
thechelsi
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07/07/2012
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Oh goodness! That is obnoxious and rude. I'm sorry! =[

Posted on September 10, 2012 at 10:42 am
alyciamarlene
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07/23/2011
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alyciamarlene

I am so sorry you are going through this! There's nothing like adding stress on top of the pile. :(


Have you tried talking with her, letting her know exactly how you feel? I hope things get better for you! Sending good juju your way!

Posted on September 10, 2012 at 11:20 am
pickaroe
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Thanks ladies! I just needed to gripe to someone who knows about wedding stress!


My mom is bipolar and as a result really passive aggressive and thinks everything is an attack on her. Even if I said something she'd say "oh honey, I'm sorry" then do a bunch of weird things to "get back at me" when she's in a down moment. Such is life. 


I'm just hoping a bunch of people she invited don't just show up without seats or food!

Posted on September 10, 2012 at 11:28 am
Kszczes
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Ugh that would totally annoy me. Sometimes people just don't realize what they're doing!

Posted on September 10, 2012 at 12:40 pm
tnt1989
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That would annoy me and I've had my fair share for family drama, everything will work out like it always does! :)

Posted on September 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm
JoannaB123
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Sorry bout that.  That would annoy the hell out of me too.  I probably wouldn't be able to remain nice though. haha    You're a good daughter for not drilling her to the wall.  

Posted on September 10, 2012 at 1:29 pm
cuteboy2me
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OMG!  I'm so sorry you're being presented with such ignorance and from your mother no less. 


Big hugs! 


 

Posted on September 11, 2012 at 12:59 am
rebecca_bell
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I am soo sorry you have to deal with this!!


Personally I would tell my mother that its not her place and expect her to deal with the univited guest. 

Posted on September 11, 2012 at 1:51 am
Sammy_D
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That's not cool at all. I'm sorry you are going through this. My MIL added a lot of uwanted guests to our list and pressured us into inviting kids when we really did NOT want to. It sucks and sometimes you have to find a way to nicely tell them to back off. Whether it works or not is a different story, it didn't for me! But I felt better having said my piece. HTH!

Posted on September 11, 2012 at 2:03 am
jmbuss9
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Awh, that is so sad that your mother is acting like that. And, like Faith said, I would definitely talk to her and let her know that its not okay to invite extra people or just tell them to bring whoever.


(Sorry but your mom needs a rude awakening....like HELLO im marrying him no matter, what get over it!!!) Just sayin'

Posted on September 11, 2012 at 2:15 am
MrsCaleYoung
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Sorry you are going through this and about your mother being bipolar. My father is mentally ill and let me tell you, he gave me the blues during the wedding process, so I know that is stressful just in itself! Talk to your mom and let her know how you feel. People just seem to do what they want during weddings without a thought for the couple's feelings. I know it is easier said than done, but try not to let it stress you! For some reason on the day of, everything just works out the way it was supposed to!

Posted on September 11, 2012 at 3:38 am
She1
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So sorry your dealing with this!, half my family is Bipolar or has some other form of mental illness (seriously, not kidding),so I understand where your coming from. Dealing with people that are chemical imbalanced is VERY difficult....its not they don't listen, its that they don't process the information like a healthy minded person does...She may even know shes doing something wrong or spiteful but just can't help herself...is she on meds? I hope for your sanity that things work out for you...I really do...and I feel that because of the situation, you NEED to try and get through to her. I would have a sit down and have a sincere conversation with her. 


Here’s what I would say:


 


 "Mom, you know I love you, and I appreciate everything you have ever done for me....I know that your not pleased with how my first marrage turned out, and i know you still wish I would have stayed with my ex....sometimes things don't turn out the way you expect, but now I'm a new relationship with a man who I care very deeply for and this wedding means the world to me...I know that you helped out with the first wedding and I don't expect you to do the same this time around, but please....we are paying for this wedding and we really cant afford to have people that aren’t invited come...I saw what you wrote at the end of "so and so's" letter, we really cant afford to pay for people that weren’t invited, and I don't want people thinking that just because this is the second time for me, that this wedding is not as important or "more casual"...again I love you, and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but please mom, just try to understand where I’m coming from"....


something like that:...maybe you can get through to her , best of luck!!

Posted on September 11, 2012 at 4:13 am
pickaroe
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pickaroe

She1 - thanks for the advice! It's comforting to know that other people go through these things.


I finally got through to my mom about marrying my fiance but it was very hard and took a long time. Finally ended with her basically in tears begging me to make sure that my brother and I don't stop talking to her. It's really heartbreaking for me too! I love my mom, she's just really hard to deal with sometime.

We are going shopping for her dress for the wedding in two weeks. I'm hoping to get some time for a heart to heart (and get info on if she's been inviting randoms). 

Posted on September 11, 2012 at 5:49 am
She1
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I'm so glade to hear you got through to your mom...I hope everything goes well with your upcoming talk and that she stops inviting random people!

Posted on September 13, 2012 at 5:16 am
monche
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Oh no! I guess I would be offended as well..have you talked to her?

Posted on September 13, 2012 at 5:18 am

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