Virginity and my wedding. Looking for advice and encouragement I guess :P

I was told to cross post this from the general forum to this area!

I know that this day and age it's very common to live with their SO and do everything a married couple with. I grew up in a very traditional family and always felt that marriage was special and sacred (even outside of a religious view point.) before my FI I was in a 5 year serious relationship and we both chose to wait and now my FI has the same values and view points as I do so we have also decided to wait. So that's about 10+ years of choosing to not have sex... So in other words I am a virgin... And so is my FI. I feel a little ackward that at my age were still virgins, because it seems like we're the outsiders, but my close friends think it's awesome we have such will power. (And I can't tell if my parents believe me when I tell them I still am) I mean don't get me wrong, were still intimate to some extent... But we've never had actual sex.

So I guess I'm trying to see if I'm not the only out there? Or if I am (I doubt it to some extent) if I can get any advice from the ladies who may have done it or just advice in general on what to expect, how to make it even more special etc? I just wanted to chat about this and felt safe here because the ladies of PW are awesome.

(Also is it weird that I worry about having picked an ivory dress despite the tradition of white? Even though I'm guessing the white of old days was more ivory just because they don't have all the fabrics and treatments we do today?)
Posted on June 26, 2013 at 5:09 am
Kittywolf13
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Kittywolf13

Kittywolf13

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chrissyrenaegray
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03/10/2012
chrissyrenaegray

chrissyrenaegray

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chrissyrenaegray

Okay, I feel like I can speak a little more frankly in this group.


DH and I were not virgins when we got together, but we chose to not have sex until we were married; we even took a year break during dating to try to focus ourselves when we found that our relationship was getting more physical than we wanted.  I can gladly say that we were able to be sex-free until our wedding night, and he and I both felt that it was the best ever because we were able to wait.


As far as sex itself, it may be very awkward for both of you because it's not perfect.  It's not the choreographed love scenes of TV and movies--both of you are learning about each other in a new way.  If you have never had sex, it may be a bit painful for you the first time around, and you may bleed a little bit, but it gets better.  If you're nervous, he will probably be nervous, too.  You also may find it a bit strange; I remember a married couple telling me long before I ever got married that they did nothing their wedding night because they weren't accustomed to it.  Of course, they eventually did "consumate" the marriage.  ;)  There have also been some couples who say that they were too tired from all the partying and the festivities of the day to do anything.  Just know that no matter what, it will be a time of learning for both of you.  Explore each other, try to figure out what feels good to both of you, and just have fun.  It's definitely one of the perks of marriage.

Posted on June 26, 2013 at 9:32 am
Kittywolf13
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Kittywolf13

Kittywolf13

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thanks Moore807... im not too worried about the exploring or having fun. i guess no one can tell me truely how it will be, because ever couple is different. but i cant help but be curious and excited anout it. i expect it to be ackward and possibly painful (i really hope not to bad or at all) and i know that my FI will treat me with the utmost care, as he always does and is always concerned for my feelings. :)

Posted on June 26, 2013 at 2:27 pm
nenyibabs
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04/20/2013
nenyibabs

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nenyibabs

You are not the only one. I chose to wait until I was married, because I believed that sex was for the context of marriage. It certainly made my life easier, I think.


Sex is ..really great stuff!! Even the 1st time. If you have an open mind and keep your anticipation up, trust me, you wont be disappointed. I would advice you to take your time to explore each other, play, and laugh too, its not that much of a serious business.


An older married couple recommended this book: The art of marriage by Tim and Bervely LaHaye. Maybe you could check it out.

Posted on June 27, 2013 at 12:12 am

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