What do you girls think? =(

Hi Ladies!

My fiance and I have been talking a lot lately about the wedding, the costs & everything that comes with it. We just bought a house and our finances have changed lately considerably =) The wedding date we picked was June 28th of this year. The more I've thought about it, the scarier it seems! The costs are adding up so quickly and I just don't know if we'll be able to pull it off the way we're hoping. My parents also said they'd contribute, but with the economy the way it is, their business has suffered and I don't even want to mention wedding bills to them!

So FI and I are thinking of alternatives. The only hard cost we've laid down so far is the deposit on the location. It was $1000 initially, and the rest would be due 30 days prior to the wedding. We still really love the location, but we're thinking about pushing the date back a year. The people that run the wedding site are REALLY nice people and I think they're fine with date changes. I still have to find out, as this is just a new idea for us.

What I was thinking is we could elope this year and have a year to save up, get comfortable with our finances & the new house bills, and next year have the kick ass wedding that we've (I've) been planning. Since we're homeowners now, being legally married will put us in a MUCH better place for filing taxes next year (the return will be enormous compared to "decent") FI is a little unsure, wondering "what the point is" of having a "wedding" when you're technically already married. I know several people who've eloped and later had a big wedding, and were really happy doing that. He's coming around to the idea, but I was hoping I could hear from some of you. Have any of you done this? What do you think about it?

We really do want to have a wedding with everyone we hold near & dear there- we want it to be beautiful & wonderful & special, but we don't want to be dreading the debt the entire time! We just want to do the smartest thing without sacrificing anything. Help!
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 7:46 am
MrsTongToBe
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06/28/2008
MrsTongToBe

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(16) Comments

TheChicBride
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08/28/2010
TheChicBride

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Here is what I think. If finances will be an issue, please, please, don't put yourself in financial debt.

Putting it off a year could be a very sound financial decision. Too many people put themselves in major debt over their weddings and then suffer the consequences after.

I personally like the idea of either eloping this year and havuing the wedding next year, or maybe just having the wedding next year and not elpoe.

HTH.
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 7:52 am
MrsTongToBe
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I too think it's crazy to go in debt for a wedding. I know a lot of people do it, but that just isn't us. Our only debt is his truck payment and the house. No CC debt and we don't want to start now!!

We're going to talk it over more tonight and this week, and probably talk to some close friends and family about it too. We always make group decisions! haha Hopefully we can just plan a super romantic weekend in Tahoe, elope and start planning our awesome big wedding for a year later. Then I'll have more time to plan! As it is I've been stressing about the dresses I have yet to order (BMs still don't have their measurements to me, omg) and everything just doesn't feel right.

Thank you for your thoughts :) Sometimes I need to bounce ideas off other people, even complete strangers
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 7:56 am
TheChicBride
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We have had to postpone our wedding 3 times already, BUT it was due to medical issues. Anywhoo, even though it was a bit disappointing, I have to tell you that having the extra time has been great. I have been able to put away more money and come up with anymore great ideas.

It could be really good for you.
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 8:22 am
theDame
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sigh, Mrs Tong- when I first bought my place, I was afraid to turn on the heat. It took me awhile to adjust to a mortgage and property taxes. It was probably 6 months before I started to spend 'normally'.

I think everyone in your life will respect your decision to be fiscally responsible and I am sure your parents will appreciate your decision not to impact their lives. You might find that postponing will also allow you to figure out what you really want; sometimes 'we' get caught up in all the planning and it gains a life of its own, beyond what we really want.
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 8:59 am
beautifulpwwedding
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09/20/2008

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Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 9:20 am
emssk8s
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04/11/2008
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This is an easy one for me. Put it off a year!! We were planning our wedding for last April 2007, but then in November 2006 I found out I failed the California Bar and I would have to take it again at the end of Feb. I knew I couldn't plan a wedding, take off work to study and still be able to have the wedding I wanted, due to finances and studying.

Its the best decision I have made. I passed the second time around and it gave me a full year to save up more and this time we are doing the whole thing from our savings and not putting anything on "credit"

As for eloping, do it if it will help with your taxes, people these days understand the "real wedding" second time around thing and they are just happy that you wanted them to be a part of this whole special day for you.
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 9:45 am
emssk8s
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Oh one last thing. I have been to a city hall wedding in San Francisco and its amazing!!! You can get a reservation within 2 weeks and then go to a great place for dinner.
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 9:47 am
moemarsita
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I think there are also ways you can have a really affordable wedding. I am helping a friend plan a wedding for $5K. I think you can have a really nice party with just finger foods and drinks. Or punch and Costco cake. Shoot, decorate with potted plants! I think it's very doable to have a truly simple wedding that is still very meaningful and special. The wedding industry tells us "simple" is buttercream instead of fondant, dahlias instead of peonies.

But I think you're very wise to try and take the emotions out of it while trying to tackle finances. It's something a lot of people can't do and get in trouble for later. Good luck!
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 12:34 pm
champagnecholly
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I agree with moe. You can plan a wedding for less (i.e. Crudit?s vari?es and other heavier hors d'oeuvre) or how about bbq or something less expensive than sushi. And grocery stores can make pretty cakes. My cake which I think will be very pretty could have been made by any grocer, so too could most butter cream cakes. If you want fondant decorating or sugar flowers, order them separately and put them on yourself - there are pro bakers sell kits. Use craigslist.com to find vendors like bands, photographers etc. And check fiftyflowers.com for flower options that are affordable and you can do yourself. There are other ways to save too and I'm sure myself and the other ladies on this board can come up with really clever ways to do it so it doesn't have to seem "simple" in a bad way :)
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 1:16 pm
iklein
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heres my two cents. it really sucks to be in the situation you are in, but its not the end of the world. as most of you know, im from the russian decent and it is customary to give money at russian weddings. no gifts! ( besides the few american guests). i have read on another foram of people poiletly asking for cash gifts on their invites. my two cousins got married in the last 2 years and each of their "gifts" paid off all their wedding bills and then some.

this is an idea, but you need to be super comfortable with it. we can all help you think of a polite way to word this in your invite, but this way you can keep going with your plans and have your wedding on your date and you wont have to change anything.

p.s. you can always get your toaster later on. :)
just an idea!
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Ana4Rodrigo
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I think waiting a year to have your wedding is a great idea. Time goes by so fast anyways that the year will be here before you know it. Plus you will have more time to plan out your wedding. For now just settle down in your new home and please don't get into debt by any means. That's the worst way to start a marriage. Elope if you must. There are many places and different ways to make eloping special. What is really important here is your happiness and being together, debt-free. So good luck and I'm sure your family will support your decision in the end. Us girls here at PW will!!
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 1:41 pm
PixiedustBride
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If I were in your position, I'd wait too. We just got engaged and are thinking of marrying in late 2009 or early to mid 2010 because it's when we can realistically forsee being able to afford a wedding. We're thinking of having a small wedding (50 ppl tops) but as you mentioned, costs add up and I don't want to start our married life with being in serious debt. The only debt we have now is my small student loan so money goes to expenses, paying off that and then whatever is left goes in the "cookie jar" for the wedding. When we're at the number we feel comfortable to proceed with booking venues, then we'll set a date and start the real planning. So with a mortgage if your lives now, I'd suggest you wait another year and save so that you don't have to ask for financial help and so that you don't get in serious debt. If marrying this year is truly important, then set a small budget, and invite close friends only and have it in your back yard. Just my two cents .:) Best of luck.
Posted on February 21, 2008 at 1:47 pm
lilibelle1
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My husband and I just did that. We eloped in Vegas in December and are having a 'big wedding' in Feb. 2009. (we had to do it for immigration reasons)
Our family has been really supportive .... with the exception of the occasional snotty comment from an aunt or two. My only advice is to be aware of what you are doing. You don't want to make a decision you will regret.
Before we got married I was thrilled to plan the big, elaborate wedding but now that we're married and back to 'real life' (and working 60 hours a week!) , it kind of feels like a hassle. Just be sure it's what you want.

Good Luck!
Posted on February 29, 2008 at 8:27 am
married2mrwright
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married2mrwright

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I am with Moe and Champ on this...we are in the minority here, I guess. I say get married now and have a wedding that you can afford now. If you want to do it in Tahoe, invite close family and friends and do it for less than the big (more expensive) wedding that you've been planning. The thing is, think of all that you can do with the money you'd be trying to save up for a bigger wedding by putting it off for a year! You can upgrade your home or take a nice vacation, buy a new car, start a baby fund or retirement investments.

Just my $0.02 about the whole thing...

Would it be an option to get married at your new house? I think that would be awesome and so memorable. Or just take the plans you've made and scale them back a bit. As for cancelling the venue...it never hurts to ask. I had orginally booked a different resort, but when they couldn't meet our budget demands I asked to be let out of the contract. They refunded my $1000 deposit. At the end of the day, it would be easier to let your $1K deposit go (if they won't refund any of it) then to commit yourselves to debt either this year or next.

You can have a lovely wedding for $3-6K this year. I promise it can be done!

I read your bio and the location is lovely. I did notice that you plan in serving sushi, which in many cases can rack up the bill. Can you make a less expensive dinner choice? Also, since you haven't gotten your gown yet, maybe you can find a used one on eBay or one of the other second-hand wedding gown sites or buy a new one that is less expensive? There's lots of ways to cut costs...the best way is to lower the guest count. Every guest increases the costs exponentially. If you only invited immediate family and your closest friends, how many would that actually be? I think many times brides and grooms feel pressured to invite aquaintences and co-workers, when really, in the history of their lives, those people won't matter as much as the immediate family members and lifelong friends who attend.
Posted on February 29, 2008 at 9:14 am
HolyMolyMatrimony
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Do whats in your heart and you feel is right. There really is no "hurry" to get married, but also I know your in love and excited. June is literally around the corner, so think quick! I gave myself 14 months and its fling bye! Is there a reason for that date, b/c even a couple more months can help you financially. Personally the wedding won't be worth it unless it's what you want.

Lastly, I believe you can do a wedding on a budget- although I know prices can be ridiculous! I have been to 3 weddings all over 30k+ and to me & guests it was no different then a 15k wedding (Unless thats your taste/ high class people, etc.) To me its about fun, and being MEANINGFUL.

Big cost factors are- the location and guest count. Were only doing 100 ppl which REALLY help cut costs vs. weddings with 200 ppl.
Country clubs and hotels typically have minimums- which get out of hand, b/c you have tax, and service charges, etc. Thats why we didn't do any of those options- I didn't want someone telling me how much to spend! I really thought things through when I started planning the wedding, I had to "learn" what this crap was all about. Now I look at weddings differently, and don't get caught up like some brides do. I have to step back sometimes and think what WE as a couple want. Hes not going anywhere, so do whats right, don't go in debt or anything over a wedding... Be realistic :)
Posted on February 29, 2008 at 9:34 am
Ms.Sumomo
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I'm with moe, champ and Lori.

FI and I are homeowners too. We decided to tailor our wedding to what we can afford. It?s all depends on your preference. I don?t believe on spending arm and a leg for a wedding but that's me. My arm and a leg cost can be different from you guys and my cheap wedding is actually expensive to other people.

Anyhow, It's difficult to plan a wedding and at the same time pay for your mortgage but you're mortgage will still be there next year. It's really hard to save up when you are a homeowner (utility bills, unexpected repair, property tax, home insurance and other cost) IMO . If you and your FI have the discipline to save some money strictly for the wedding maybe waiting a year will be better off. Also, if you are really set on having a big wedding.

That being said, a budget wedding can look as nice as a platinum wedding, IMO.

Good luck!
Posted on February 29, 2008 at 9:39 am

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