How you all doing?
Any exciting news?
Settling into married life ok?
Nothing new....from this point.....same as before as the wedding...home to work and viceversa.....and in between a lot of dates...
like this Friday (20) we are going to have lunch to celebrate our 3rd month anniversary at Oceanaire, one of our top favorites restaurants.
yesterday was our 3 month "anniversary" hehe... nothing new, everything feels the same like before the wedding :)
Hey girls... doing fine and adjusting... as for new? My middle daughter has temporarily moved back in until she leaves for NYC for the Spring Semester. I keep telling myself it's only temporary....lol
As for settling in to married life... we did have our first "married" fight recently. It was a doosie but in the end we talked it out... but before we got to that point, lots of ranting and raving went on! You see my car broke down and had to be towed to be fixed.... I got the news of how much it would cost me and when I told DH that I was not counting on that amount cause I had just paid my bills and I didnt know what to do about it... he didnt even offer me help! That was what started the fight... I was besides myself... I mean when we were just BF/GF he used to send me money when I needed it, but now that we're married he didnt even offer me help???? Thankfully God intercepted and the money landed on my lap via a business deal I hadnt anticipated ...it was like 'BAM' here's the money you need! For me it wasnt even about DH giving me money, but more about the gesture or lack thereof that pissed me off. I did say some mean things like "if I have to do everything by myself I may as well be single"... well that triggered a whole barage of angry texting (never a good thing to argue via text ladies). He didnt get it at first, but in the end, when we were both calmed down, he realized what I meant and what I was saying and apologized....
It was good cause we got to air out a lot of things/issues that we were dealing with and talking it out helped us to understand eachother more... plus making up is the best part of it ;)
Yeah so to answer your question... we're adjusting ;)
Hope everything is ok now and your car fixed.
Thanks Boricua... yes, everything is ok now and my car is fixed... but it reminded me of when you were tripping on your taxes and your DH came up with the money for you so you wouldnt worry... that's how my DH should have handled it... I mean even if he didnt have the money all he had to say was: "Dont worry honey, we'll work it out" All I wanted was some comfort and all I got was silence on the other end, that's when all the Puerto Rican came out in me LMAO!
We are doing good, had a couple of weeks with no arguements, until last week, but it had to happen sooner or later I guess. We are still doing good though,
Also every weekend from the wedding, we have been traveling, went down south, went to Vegas, went wine tasting, a Giants game, had a pool party, went to the coast, a wedding shower for our friends, this weekend off to the lake, so we have been enjoying ourselves
cd5562...glad you two worked it out! I am with you though. Def getting a fight in every now and then! Great to hear everyone else is settling in :-)
cd5562 Glad it worked out for ya! ARg I was stranded and had to get a new battery--and in this hot Texas heat!! It's averaging 100 degrees now!
I'm going to school and am "dependent" on DH for money. ARGGG. I'm looking for a job but these courses are intense!! We don't really fight, we just have a mini-cold war. Isn't that weird??? Now that tuition is due for me, and I need books, we both went to the dentist and I have a cavity and he has like 5, and I'm like "wOW! where's the money going?" We got another cat, and our old cat doesn't like him at all!! So that puts stress on both of us.
We went to play catch, and he didn't know I could throw a baseball. I mean, hello? I feel like I married a stranger, he knew I played lots of sports so why did he think I didn't know how to throw a ball? And he was surprised when I fixed the handtowel holder in the bathroom.
I cooked a lot of new recipes when we were first married, but now I'm like whatever. I hate it when he doens't eat my food and it goes bad in the fridge. I'm used to eating at 5pm he's used to eating dinner at 8pm or later, so we compromise or eat at totally different times. We used our gym membership a lot in the first month and a half, but I got busy with school and didn't care about it too much.
I feel unappreciated when I the only one doing laundry, and housecleaning. I mean if something's bugging him he'll clean a whole bunch, which makes me feel bad. We felt guilt-tripped into going to church because they gave us a "pounding" and we got tons of recipes and food, but now it's a pain just to wake him up to go to church and he doesn't really want to. He's changed his tune!! Everyone keeps asking "How's married life?" I say "Fine." I don't really enjoy talking about feelings or personal stuff like our sex life, which is what they are really asking. My lab instructor acted surprised and said, "What do you mean? It's supposed to be Wonderfuuullllll!" Awkward.
I hate it when we both come home and basically ignore each other, watching TV or playing video games or on the computer to relax the day away. We need time apart, but it's also weird to me. Glad you gals are doing well!!!
Thanks girls, you're making me feel better and like Im really not such a heel! LOL
Platinum: Thanks for your post... it helps me to see another perspective, which is good. You see, my DH was kinda feeling like you describe in your post...Unappreciated. He cooks and also has been doing the dishes... I admit Im a bit spoiled but its not like he didnt know me... I was like "Um Im still the same person... marriage didnt change who I am!" Certain things I need to be more aware of and then there's certain things he is just dreaming about... I mean "look at your marriage licence and double check the name... yes, it's me you married!!" One of the things he complained about is the fact that I had agreed to be the 'driver' in the family cause I dont mind driving and he hates it.. Lately he had been driving so it woke me up and I took over the driving again.. but like I said I'd do the driving, he said he would do the cooking so why complain now? After all, he IS a chef! I told him that he shouldnt do anything expecting a reward... he should do it cause he wants to, and if he doesnt want to, then don't do it. You are good to do all you do, but also should only do what you want to... you can lay it out and then both of you decide the compromise, this way you arent feeling unappreciated and he is also aware that he needs to step up too. I had to step up on certain things, he needed to step up on certain things. It got hashed out... on to the next phase ;) Good luck to you... dont wait too long and build resentment.... air it out! You may debate a bit, but in the end it clears the air so you can get back to lovin - no cold wars :)
I think arguing or debating (even mini cold wars) is part of marriage... it's not an easy task merging lives... sometimes its a matter of trial and error.
Glad you ladies are all doing well... warms the <3
Thank you for your insight, cd5562!! Wow--a chef!! I would feel compelled to make him cook too (if I were you)!
Everyone: what really helps is Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray. My maid of honor who's a psych major gave it to us as one of our wedding gifts and she said "You must read it together." I can't make DH read it right now, but I'm working on it. But things like the resentment building up from lack of communication and are really eye-opening, and also how our roles affect us. For example, we need to praise our husbands for the things they do (sounds corny, but it's true), to stoke their ego and make them feel valued. When they don't feel valued, they start to drift. And their CAve. It's hilarious to actually say it out loud but men go to their cave to work things out, and this is when they don't wanna talk (or come out of their "cave" until they solve whatever is wrong. OMG!!! It was hilarious when our interim pastor said "men need their caves" in a sermon. This pastor is close to our age and it cracked me up that he mentioned it in church. I turned around and elbowed DH and said "See??" LOL.
LOL @ Platiunum - I've never read the book but now I'm feeling compelled to. I mean I knew that men are so different from women... that's a give, and we just don't understand eachother most times... but if you just listen around you... listen to the way women talk to eachother... then listen for the way men speak to eachother.... it's like 'black' and 'white' lol... I guess the book is striving for 'gray' lol... Im going to have to check the book out... in regards to 'CAVE'.... shoot I feel I need to go to MY cave to think things out while my DH (while I appreciate his expressiveness) wants to talk about EVERYTHING! Sometimes Im just not ready to talk and wish he would just leave me alone... those are the times I go to the bathroom and lock the door... I can spend hours there... but this time, he came knocking on the door.... I was like "What is it?" he said "I want to talk"... since I wasnt ready to talk and he basically pushed me to... I was not very nice to him, but after 'letting it all out' I did feel better hahaha! Gotta get that book now... Thanks Platimun~!!!!
Ok so I'm not the only one who HATES answering "How is married life??" And when I say, "fine" or "the same" people are APPALED!
I am stressed because I'm in my final year of school with a lot of "pass or you don't graduate" exams coming up, and I still am the main cook/cleaner/dish-doer etc and feel very unappreciated and that he doesn't help me out as much as he should.
He just got a new job and it adjusting the 8-5 work day, so I understand what it's like, since I'm at school 8-5 but then have to come home and study. He sighs or sulks when I ask him to help out around the house, which makes me hesitant to do so becuase I don't want to get upset that he won't help me/see how much I actually do around the house.
On the other hand (when the house is clean and the dishes are put away) we're really enjoying each other's company and married life. It's nothing to shout out from the rooftops, we're just.. so happy :]
Blustarfrut: It all sounds so normal... I suppose that anyone can say "we're doing great" or "we're just loving married life"... and not to say we arent but life isnt so simple ay? Everyone should have these kind of stories but not many share them is all... it's like I said "its not easy to merge to individual lives into one"... more like a feat! It's all good though!
*Cheers to all us May brides ;)
Nothing new.....almost 4 month married, woohooo!!! can't believe...
Son started college and is working at the same time!
And as for us....trying to reorganize our house, like "how wants a cleanhouse" type....well just like that.....
and last but not least when not doing anything else at home we take trips and do other things as we always do. Beginning of Oct wedding, end of Oct Ovo (Cirque du Soleil), Nov probably trip to Ct to celebrate my best friend "40" bday, and then to see one of my favorite group....blue man group....and then Dec....my birthday!!!!!
Just checking in! How's everyone making it so far? Any big changes (babies, houses, jobs, etc)?
We're still chuggin' along over here! We've been working on starting a family for the past four months with no luck. At first it was pretty fun ;) but now it's pretty frustrating! I know we'll get there but I guess I'm not much of the patient type!
Anyone planning anything for your 1 Year? It's already right around the corner!