What's your fighting style?

We talked about this in pre marital counseling and even though I KNOW I'm supposed to communicate calmly, like an adult, I'm incredibly guilty of playing the passive aggressive, cold shoulder card.  I HATE that I do it but my pride just seems to refuse to let me be the first to give in!  I'm so stubborn...I'm working on it though!!!  :)


How about you?

Posted on April 1, 2010 at 11:24 am
wildfirej29
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(18) Comments

ajfisher
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I don't usually get mad, but when I do, I usually calmly talk through it. BUT...if FI does the "I need time away to think" act, I get VERY spiteful and say things that I should never say hoping that he'll fight back. That's what I need to work on.

Posted on April 2, 2010 at 7:23 am
miss_em2010
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I am kinda like you janie. I can act like a huge brat but I usually only do that over really petty things though ie. "why did you come home so late last night? you're annoying" type of thing. Fo bigger issues, I always talk rationally b/c usually a good resolution is paramount...


H doesn't really get mad often though...barely ever and he is def. a talker througher...

Posted on April 5, 2010 at 2:58 am
meanyprice
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Usually, we just talk through things.  But sometimes, he is just a stubborn ass, and he won't even listen to what I have to say (this is usually when he is wrong and he knows it but doesn't want to admit it).  So then I just go in another room and shut the door, and when he has calmed down and wants to talk like an adult he will come in there and apologize and we will talk then. 

Posted on April 5, 2010 at 4:06 am
midnyteblue110609
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midnyteblue110609

If DH does something that pisses me off, I will give him the silent treatment.  I am the silent treatment queen.  The thing is that is the way I have always been.  If I am mad, I literally can't speak.  I have to think everything out that way I do not regret what comes out of my mouth.  DH doesn't understand that and he has to have me say something & talk about it.  If I am mad now I just tell DH give me a few hours and when I am ready I know where to find you.  This is the only way b/c my tongue is my biggest flaw and I hate to say something terrible in the heat of the moment.


As for DH he hardly gets mad.  Probably b/c I am perfect! haha, jk.  If he is mad about something he usually will get up and walk away and i have to give him a hug and he forgives me.  I know we both would rather DH be mad than me.

Posted on April 6, 2010 at 2:05 am
ccia84
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Thankfully we hardly ever fight...In fact we have been together for over 2 years now, and I think we have only had 2 "official" fights all caused by me when Aunt Flo is in town.  I always get too sensitve about comments and I will twist something he says into something else and he will try and apologize and I will just put this wall up and then it blows up.  I don't know why that time of the month makes me so cranky!

Posted on April 8, 2010 at 10:04 am
Rosegirl
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RARELY...and I mean rarely...do we ever fight. But when we do, we usually just stop talking for a little while to get our minds together, then we talk through things calmly. I think taking a little break really helps us so then we don't start yelling our brains out at each other.

Posted on April 10, 2010 at 9:07 am
oreomaximus
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To the DEATH! Just kidding.  I'm usually the one to hold everything in, not say anything for a couple of hours, (silent treatment) wait for the FI to beg me to tell him what's wrong then I expode like a barrel of TNT.  Yes, I'm a little physchotic but I'm working on it!

Posted on April 26, 2010 at 12:17 pm
twoyearengagement
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twoyearengagement

hhaha im typically a passive aggressive / silent treatment kindda girl.. but every now and then I do love a good yelling match ;)

Posted on April 26, 2010 at 4:57 pm
prbetsi75
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ugh...DH and I are bot hot tempered and our fights can get pretty explosive...One of us has to walk away or it'll go on for hours and just get worse.  We definitely are horrible at "fighting" and need to work on it.

Posted on June 10, 2010 at 10:16 am
Boricua_Bride
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As for me when I get frustrated I cry...because I am mad....

Posted on June 11, 2010 at 10:58 am
pinkyjane48
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weeeeeellllllll I have discovered that we match the generalized characteristics of our astrology signs! :) I'm an Aries (yes, ruled by Mars, god of war). So you can probably guess that I am pretty explosive hheeeeeeheee! Hubby is a Gemini and is pretty low key for a while and then moody for a while and thats when we butt heads... So far we havent found a balance thats really good for us but we're starting to get better... hehe

Posted on June 12, 2010 at 7:31 pm
jess143
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lol. Glad I'm not the only one Janie!! Ok, I was never taught how to express my feelings, so I will often bottle them up. Then the cork pops out of the bottle and drenches dh lol. I'm also a feeler, it's about how things make me "feel". Dh is very low key and gets over things quickly. I on the other hand tend to beat a dead horse  =(  BUT I have gotten better!!

Posted on July 6, 2010 at 10:20 am
miss*bling
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ditto wildfire- I totally play the cold shoulder card- it drives him crazy

Posted on October 13, 2010 at 11:28 am
kjam3
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I talk things out but I do get fiesty too haha


Posted on October 13, 2010 at 12:07 pm
BEAN23
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We are both the same -- we talk/bark and barely listen -- with that being said, at least I'm aware of it and am constantly trying to change.  Sometimes it is a struggle to not let something small go big because one of us is getting our feelings hurt (p.s. I'm WAY too sensitive and hate it... I wish I was rock hard, or at least more carefree).  DH is super wonderful though b/c he is always the peacemaker.... yikes, just writing this is very cathartic!  I need some humbling!!!

Posted on October 13, 2010 at 1:10 pm
juliekay2010
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BF and I are bad fighters...We're both stubborn and bull headed.  I grew up with a Mom who'd give the silent treatment and I've finally learned/taught myself how to verbalize my feelings which goes for more than when i'm just upset.  But I tend to blow up over silly little things and let it ruin an entire day which is just terrible.  When bf get's mad over stuff he starts drinking and doing stupid guy things (using power tools and fixing stuff).  Which is good (minus the drinking. minus the danger of tools) because he usually gets stuff done around the house. 


I'm sure if a counselor heard all this we'd be in big trouble!!!  :)

Posted on October 22, 2010 at 6:00 pm
NicolenMoe
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its hard , most of the time im the one talking it out, but when its a real big one im the kind to retreat , i have to learn to verbalize an cool off before so i dont say things wrong


my main thing to work on is my body language. it can send the wrong message

Posted on October 26, 2010 at 9:27 am
Alatiel
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I will not fight in public or around other people so if I get mad in those situations, I'll stay calm and pretty quiet until we're alone and then we'll have our words.  


DH however, doesn't care where we are, if he feels like arguing, he'll get straight into it, while I just stay quiet and ignore him which makes him even more mad.

Posted on October 27, 2010 at 10:08 am

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