what would you do if your husband told you

He didn't want to have sex...possibly ever?
My husband and I have been married for about six months...I used to post regularly on the boards....he is 22 and I am 24.
Lately we have been having sex less and less and recently we have gone two months without sex at all. I asked him about it tonight and he just said he is not interested in sex anymore...
he says he loves me and he's not cheating or looking at porn. He also has no interest in going to a doctor or working on it...

I'm so devistated. I'm a very...perky person and I love sex and its an important part of the relationship for me...but I love my husband and would never think of leaving him just because of this....but how do I give up my own sexuality because he is not interested....

Please offer any advice...I'm so heartbroken and miserable...

What would you do if your new husband told you he will never e interested in sex?
Posted on November 15, 2010 at 2:45 pm
anonymouswife
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(13) Comments

akbridehi
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I'm so sorry you are this situation.  I don't really know that I can offer you any advice, but if I were you I don't know that I would stick it out with him.  I know you love him, but what is a relationship without any sexual interactions?  A frienship.  You can be friends with anyone, and you can love a friend.  Sex is what deliniates between a romantic relationship and a friendship. 


If he isn't willing to go to the doctor or really talk about it, that is a bad sign that things will just continue as they have in the past. 


I hope this wasn't harsh, cause honey I really feel awful about the situation you are in.  I know it probably brings up a lot of insecurities in yourself and that isn't what a husband should do.  He should be willing to do anything for you and make you feel attractive and loved.  It sounds like he is slacking on the job...


So, that's my 2 cents...  Good luck and be strong!

Posted on November 15, 2010 at 5:07 pm
danidabi
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So sorry that you are going through this situation. I completely agree with what akbride said. I would definetly recommend sitting down and talking about what this could mean for your future. I would also strongly recommend him going to the Dr and talking with them, you don't need to go with him. There could be something else going on besides the decreased sex drive:(


Good luck and keep your chin up!

Posted on November 16, 2010 at 8:16 am
Alatiel
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I would freak! And I would be pissed! I would definitely talk to him and tell him that he needs to give me an explanation for the change. I don't know what else to tell you. I'm so sorry. And I hope you guys can work on things to the point where you're both satisfied.
Posted on November 16, 2010 at 9:18 am
NicolenMoe
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my hubby defiantly has the lower sex drive in our relationship , an it does bother me. i had to sit down with him an was honest that things had to change. i know that part of the reason being he is tired an over worked he is doing an internship 25hrs a week an works 35 hrs a week on top of that so i know once he is working an nothing else it well be different


i  guess thats not helpful


but honestly talk to him about it , there has to be a explanation. an be blunt be like you may not be interested in it but i am an therefore you should want to solve the problem. to help us in our marriage

Posted on November 16, 2010 at 11:57 am
winterbride2011
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winterbride2011

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winterbride2011

I'm sorry hun. That is concerning given his age. Try to talk to him because there has to be something. If he won't seek help maybe you can talk to someone about how to cope, and maybe eventually you can engage him again.
Posted on November 16, 2010 at 5:49 pm
miss*bling
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miss*bling

yes def need to go to a therapist or doctor AND get an explanation from him, he owes you that-


I just watched an Oprah show on men that were abused as children- 1 of 6 are abused and it can cause this issue w/ their wives when they are adults


def please keep us posted, I hope to hear that you guys have talked and seen a doctor

Posted on November 17, 2010 at 5:55 am
olga21
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11/14/2009
olga21

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That sounds like a very hurtful situation for you :( I am so sorry.. This would completely break my heart. I found and article and hope it helps you...


 


http://marriage.families.com/blog/marriage-amp-asexuality-what-does-it-mean

Posted on November 19, 2010 at 11:38 am
TigerGirl
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Sorry to disagree - but I don't think that sex is what delinates a romantic relationship. 


What if something were to happen to the health of either one of you and you weren't able to have sex anymore - would you just up and leave the person that you promised yourself to for the rest of your life? 


DH and I have been together 5 years, and we've had dry spells.  Hell, most of my recent pregnancy I was on pelvic rest - no orgasms no sex.  Does that mean that he's only my friend?  Not in the least. 

A romantic relationship is how you feel and act towards a person, and sex is only a small part of that.  Does he still hug and kiss you?  Makes sure he asks how your day was?  Do you feel loved less because he's not interested in sex right now? 

And for someone to say that they NEVER want to have sex again is pretty far reaching I think.  But you do need to get to the bottom why he said that - is he over worked, stressed, dealing with family/friend issues?

Posted on December 3, 2010 at 1:13 am
Mrs.P2be
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He should see a doctor...some men just lose their drive, or something else could be wrong with him. If he won't go, then go to yours and see what they suggest.

Posted on December 3, 2010 at 8:38 am
lkdjv8jsld
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lkdjv8jsld

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lkdjv8jsld

Wow Im with TigerGirl on this one and actually amazed by the responses here....


Why I say this:


I lost my virginity at age 14 and was very promiscuous (I was also sexually abused as a child.) I was "fast" up until I met my FI and during the beginning of our relationship - but always faithful. FI does not have as strong as a sex drive as me and he taught me ALOT about myself. I love sex but he taught me what intimacy was. We can have an amazing time, without actually having sex and I have never felt more close to anyone in my life. Sure, we could just have sex all the time, but sex is not always intimate, and I prefer it this way. I used to tell him I "needed" sex and he would say to me " You dont need it, you want it. Lets cuddle." I never thought anything was wrong with him, and I learned that it is OKAY and that he still loves me, even if we dont have sex 24-7.


I think that if you would even consider leaving him for this, then you need to step back and look at yourself and your relationship. Sex should not be a breaking point for your relationship.


I do agree that sitting down and talking about HOW this makes you feel should help, but I think it should help YOU more than him, to understand WHY you feel sex is SO important.


About the friend comment - Sex is not what determines the difference between a friend and lover - becuase isnt your FI/Husband your best friend? ANd WAY more than that but not based on sex...


Also, if you want to do it, and he doesnt....you can always try to pleasure yourself in front of him - 9 times out of 10 he will want to join in!


I hope I wasnt too harsh, just honest!


 


 


 


 

Posted on December 10, 2010 at 5:01 am
HeyHayles
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HeyHayles

I agree that marriage, unless agreed in advance, is generally expected to have a sexual component and that that DOES make that relationship different from others.  However, just because you go for a little while without sexual contact does not mean it's over or you're not still married.  That said, it is unacceptable that he make a unilateral decision for both of you without any discussion or agreement on your part. 


I think you need to see a counselor.  Ideally, you should both go together.  If he refuses to go, then you go alone.  Quite frankly, to me, the worst part is not his disinterest in sex (as that can have a physical or psychological cause) but that he would be so dismissive of your feelings and needs.  That, to me, is a much larger breach of your relationship and requires a professional counselor's assistance.  Again, ideally, he should come with you (if for nothing else than to show he DOES care for your feelings and needs and did not intend to be so dismissive of you). 


As others have said, this can change, but it requires effort from both of you!  Good luck and I'm so sorry you're in this position. 

Posted on December 21, 2010 at 6:24 pm
lbrookeknowles
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lbrookeknowles

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Well that's a little strange....


If my FI told me that, I'd automatically assume he was cheating and didn't find me attractive anymore. Our relationship would not work if we didn't want to have sex with eachother anymore... Sex isn't everything but it is a big part. Even if he told me he wasn't cheating, I'd still think that.


Sorry this happened to you! Maybe it really is just a medical thing... he needs to see a doctor. Something could be really wrong b/c it just isn't normal!

Posted on April 21, 2011 at 10:03 am
sa_smiles
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sorry to hear about that..i don't know what i would do in that situation...i know i love my fiance and would always stick it out thru it but that would be really hard for me...i would say maybe just say ok and be cheerful about it for the time being but try doing something like sending him a text message of u in sexy lingerae or topless or something when he didn't expect it to his phone. or wearing one of his oversized t shirts to bed with no pants and just acting non interested....or maybe lay in bed and start playing with yourself in front of him if u can be bold enough to do that...i know would be easier said than done but he might quickly change his mind then

Posted on July 7, 2011 at 5:22 pm

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